Your username has suddenly become your only means of staying alive. How bad is it?

No shit, Sherlock

I'm good until I run out, I guess.

Oh dear.

I dont like this game

A little slimy and unconventional but I’m up for the challenge

Finally, my time to shine.

I’m just confused

I have no idea why situation would cause smoking weed and having sex with sharks to be a matter of life and death but I'm incredibly curious to find out

I'd say pretty fucked, one way or another.

Neonazi skinheads have plenty of idiots to grift nowadays. Plus there's always meth. You'll be fine.
- That is totally not the direction I was going...

I like my odds

Pretty sure my time would be up.

I planned for this exact scenario

Either I'm a lawyer for warlocks making sure they don't enter tricky contracts with devils, which I assume pays well, or I'm a lawyer and a warlock so will soon have my own TV show.

Matlock the Warlock.

I'm more worried about innocent bystanders tbh...

The cure is worse than the disease.

I don't know what's in it, but its keeping me alive.

It’s great.

It’s the choice of a new generation.

I guess eternal life through some profane kind of undead cyborg magic... Bad maybe?

Truly the best unlife.

I have food and transport, I think I'll be ok.

Let loose the flaming giant elephants of war

Well considering I only learnt to drive automatic, it’s not looking good.

Vanth is from Etruscan mythology, a female demon that escorts the dead through the underworld. Generally seen as a helpful guide rather than mean or frightening. So if I can mix mythologies for the sake of a colorful mental image, Hell-Uber across the river Styx, please tip your driver.

On the plus side, I probably don't need much income as a demon.

Guess Im poopin.

Pretty good I think!

I would survive just fine as long as you follow my instructions. I can live on a diet of 90% hay with a small amount of species appropriate pellets and a salad every day. I am going to need a lot of room to play and shouldn't be confined to a small cage. At minimum I need an exercise pen as my home base with at least 6 hours so I can run around the house and binky. I should have a box to hide in because I'm easily frightened and I would live underground in the wild. I will do better if you keep my water in a bowl but by all means put it in a bottle if i prefer that. It's better for me to stay hydrated than to try to exist within some ideal that doesn't work for me.

And for the love of God it's a myth that I don't need medical care! I have a very sensitive digestive system and it's a critical emergency if I don't eat for more than a few hours or if my eating slows and my poops get small. So many people say their lagomorphlecture just died with no warning but if they knew what the warnings were and took them to get treatment they would be ok.

I should definitely be soayed or neutered regardless of your society's beliefs about that. Uterine and testicular cancer are very common and I'm unlikely to live past 6bor 7 years old if you don't get me fixed.

I am a very social creature and I should be kept with a bonded mate. If I lose my mate I will become depressed and need either a new lagomorphlecture to keep me company or a lot of your time to help me get through it. It can help me accept the loss if you show me the body of my mate so I can understand and accept that they are gone.

I will provide you with further instructions for my care later on.

If knowledge is real and can be applied to anything, I guess I'll be alright

Well, I guess I will be up all day and night.

I have meat at least

I guess I'll just jump into the nearest body of water, even better if it's at night.

You seem like the kinda person who sees the glass half full, even when it’s completely empty

My mighty herd will protect me! 🐐

I guess something is better than nothing.

Can i manifest it as a super power?

I'm used to it.

I'm in GREAT shape. :D

Staying "alive" shouldn't be a problem.

Well I won't have any problems with doctors I suppose

Roll around in some kelp and then float away

I'm pretty happy.

I cast spells

I'm really impressed at how well I'm staying alive...wow!

I guess I’m in my twenties forever now‽

Nope, always feel 20. At least you never get demensia

Not happy about this, but present

I'm set for as long as breakfast is overburdened

Depends on where I live. I'm dead in the coming summer.

May very well go up in flames, is how bad.

At least I’ll be fed

Oh fuck.

Kawaii imouto looks up with puppy eyes

Uhhhh...

Depends on which one it is, one of them is significantly more helpful than the other.

I'll be OK.

Not nice

Well, coffee is essential. It's just more on the nose now.

Looks like I'm drinking my way out of this. Who wants a brewski?

I'll be right there with you.

Not too bad,

I didn't choose the chug life, the chug life choo-choo chose me!

(And it's got a picture of a train!)

I'm... uhh. I think I'm screwed here.

Maybe I can try to convince people to put me in charge

....... Ohhh.......

...... Ohhhh nooooo........

(unless it doesn't have to be literal if I can get a job voicing Facebones let's fuckin gooooo)

I mean... I'm a pope and a king. I think I'll be alright.

I am the person who should have died at every turn, but somehow being the only one that lives to the end, I imagine.

or I die by licking a diseased corpse.

So, hard to tell if its good or bad.

I'm in command but my crew had BETTER stay on my good side.

I can't think of anything more metal than subsisting on arsenic, lead, and belladonna mixtures.

It's me or the other guy

I feel pretty safe

It's bad.

I think it'll be okay come night time.

I'm gonna have what plants crave.

For fuck sakes, can we not do this on Lemmy

Oh I'll be "Stayin' alive," alright.

I guess I'm a black rabbit now. Could be worse.

I'll survive for a little bit but I will almost certainly be the cause of my own death.

Si vous dites mon nom, vous comprendrez.

Mais qu’est-ce que c’est?
- Oui! Exactement!

I think I'll be ok.

Guess I'm setting fire to a lot of robots ¯(ツ)_/¯

Very bad. I'll I've got is a really gross bagel

Time to stab Polyphemus in the eye and get outta this cave, I reckon.

Not bad at all.

Not so bad

Welp, time to change my diet, as if they didn't have it rough already by being lonely. Sorry little dudes

Will you have a cup of tea? Ah go on, there’s plenty in the pot. Go on, have a cup of tea, so. Go on! Go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on ….

I sell tea, as 418 is a teapot, so I'd say not so bad

I gotta eat pineapples

I spelt mine wrong.

I have to either rob or digitally pleasure someone named Cooper

Another day on the job, comrades

This is not how I expected to get a degree in arachnology

Oh well, I'll die happy

I’ll figure something out

Suing beverage companies for having severed toes inside

It's my name, so I guess I'll do ok?

I'll be fine

My username is a bird that steals fish. I'm not sure how I'm going to get on the good side of one, but I guess I'd better get used to either seafood or hunger

Oranges and collared greens, I suppose. Could be worse.

I certainly wont be starving to death!

I guess I'm a rightwing pod caster now.

Has a slightly toxic, mysandristic taste to it, but overall the stew is much more palatable than anything else that came from this awkward creature.

As long as I don't run out of fuel and crash...

It's bad for you. I'm a steal yo girl, and if you come near my taniwha hideout, I'm going to eat you.

... I'm so high right now. That's probably how this ends for me: humans bringing me some cannabis, getting me too high, and leading me somewhere out of the way.

Sorry guys, the end times are on us, but at least they're cute and fluffy.

I uh ... might be okay once I figure out what's going on

I mean there are a lot of doors that are our only means of staying alive in some way. Doors are very important.

I'll be just fine.

Brb, loading up on carbs.

Everyone will let the Wookie win?

Sounds like I'll be doing psychedelics or phenethylamines possibly. Not a bad way to live.

Well, fuck

I'm in luck! 😁

Uhhhh I suppose I like cereal

could be worse

I'm not sure about nutritional value, but it could be worse

You got a quarter?

Pretty good actually.

Ooo fishies

Guess I'd better whip out the scarves and space berets. I'll be just fiiine.

Basically no change.

With the US healthcare system? Expensive.

Im okay with this, whole movies exist with this outcome, good times ahead

Seeing as you can't eat rocks I'd practically be dead.

We musn't speak of him. He is legend.

I'm aceing at it, sadly.

:,(

It's not just about me and my dream of doing nothing. It's about all of us. I don't know what happened to me at that hypnotherapist and, I don't know, maybe it was just shock and it's wearing off now, but when I saw that fat man keel over and die - Michael, we don't have a lot of time on this earth! We weren't meant to spend it this way. Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles staring at computer screens all day, filling out useless forms and listening to eight different bosses drone on about about mission statements.

I will foolishly ride my dolly to safety like a wobbly skateboard. See you later losers!

Link and Shulk, doing it 69 style, would have to be involved.

People think I'm bullshitting all the time.

I'm fucked.

I'm just some random Lord now, which theoretically will come with resources so I should be okay

Not a lot changes

Ganon with the Morph Ball upgrade would be U N S T O P P A B L E

The best I can make sense of it is that I make my money as some sort of emo catboy vtuber. Assuming I'm not already reasonably popular, that boils down to how good a streamer I can be and the economic factors of going into the EN vtubing industry after the initial boom. And I'm already at a disadvantage because "emo catboy" is a weak concept that lacks originality.

I came up with the spelling based on the word "pattern", and this was just a screwy way of spelling it ~30 some years ago and it's just what I've always used. I'd probably be screwed if I had to rely on it, other than finding patterns in nature can help animals stay alive, I guess? That's all I got.

Every 3 letter agency would be after me shortly

If you have one of those halo things your already kind of dead right?

Haha, I’ll still be around in millions of years.

Well, I can hunt, I guess.

I'd be just fine.

Maybe dying isn't so bad after all...

I guess that I'm now praying to a really shitty version of Satan, uh. Or perhaps selling really cheap lamps?

("Lvxferre" is just broken Latin for "Lucifer", or "light-bringer")

I'm a very old Musketeer.

Fancy seeing you here!
- Good to see you, sir! Have you seen Porthos yet in your travels?

I stare at the wall reciting pi over and over, while my body withers, mind untethered, consumed by a mathematical void.

I can live off soiled bread I suppose

I'm going to pick my nose!

I'm already dead

F

The Grasshopper Mouse kills scorpions and then screams about it afterwards, so I think I'll do alright.

I'm fire proof, and a shit speller.

Curse this mortality, amiright fellow human?

I guess this one is a bit of a freebie for me.

Porn i guess

The walls are closing in...

I'm mostly fine, I hope

It doesn't have to be good, right?

My name is genuinely not actually Steve so I'm good

I hope for your sake that your name isn't Jack.

I need to work on my temper

I now rule a highly advanced, militaristic, and xenophobic alternate reality and have psionic abilities. It's not as great as is sounds, my future wife is going to psionically teleport a gray-goo bomb into my chest at the end of the big climactic boss fight.

But what if it didn't happen in my timeline?

I should be fine, just gotta change my name
::: spoiler spoiler I may also need to get smarter :::

I try to save money anyway, so I guess it’ll be ok. At least as long as nobody needs avenged.

I'm not gonna worry about it

Bollocks.

Uh oh...but if taken literally like the idea my best friend had when we were on acid and whip its, could be delectable. I'm willing to take the risk.

Seems like a fun spell

Pretty good but I have the feeling Quantum Computing will kill me if Im not careful.

Would be nice to be buzzed all the time

Not bad, especially if she comes with her ship.

your cash and your jewelry is what i expect

Monté Christo was quite skillful.

I got an RC car... At least I'll die having fun.

im now a vampire with a slutty thrall?

i guess theres worse ways to live

unlive, rather

Being a 'jockbox genius' means I'd be living on 'spam street', good buddy!

I would have to go back to reddit to get an "open in new tab" function. This username is actually because I created an account once (years ago) after nuking my first one just so I could have the "open in new tab" functionality back.

Most of them are dead, but Mr Burns has enough money to keep me going a while.

I think I'd be alright.

Yeah I’m pretty fucked if my ability to stay alive is predicated upon my assembly programming abilities. Don’t ask me to multiply.

Mecha + Magic = Mechagic Im in a magic mecha, i think im doing well

I mean, probably wouldn't be bad initially. It would just get worse as time goes on.

She has a shotgun. I should be okay.

I guess I need to find a Gleemonex dealer.

Guess I'm a melee mercenary in a ranged weapons world now. Sucks, but at least I get self healing? Also an immunity, come to think of it.

I was once told "meco" is Spanish for semen (likely not the formal word but slang or something with a dialect). So... 50/50?

Hmm

Whatever it is, it’ll be tremendously important, but I won’t be able to convince anyone.

I... I don't know. I legitimately do not know.

I guess my fate is in the hands of the RNG gods.

I'll be fiiiiiine

Pretty good I think.

Bamboo-fed, succulent and juicy steaks

Mine is a jolly good lot of fun as I fend off attacks with well-coined analogies.

Idk.

I mean, you tell me.

Do you guys think Elon would let me take his SpaceX Starship in a time machine back to 2021 so I could fly to Mars and survive?

No, I do not have $4 billion to pay for this endeavor, I'll just take out a loan and tell the bank its for a scientific breakthrough.

I guess it's kill or be killed...

If the environment is game rich, I could do ok. But if we’re talking animals that are skittish and I can’t get close to, I’d starve. Could probably use the shaft as part of a bow drill to start a fire, so I’d have that going for me.

I'm already gone.

Bout the same, but my life expectancy just got extended by around a factor of 2

I’m a tree.

I'm not allowed to drink anything I guess

No one knows.

At least I'll never go hungry, but eventually I'll get sick of myself.

I’m still here.

Noisy.

Silver Wings of Morning is a Shatterling ship of Gentian Line. Shatterlings exist six million years in the future. The ship is so large that it contains other ships in its hanger.

I will have no trouble surviving in this futuristic ship.

Pretty appropriate considering it means "The fuck is that?" where I'm from (not written the real way mind you, it would be "Quessé ça?" and that would still be "slang")

Make of me what you will…

shrugs I just do.

Nothing changes for me.

I’m pretty sure I’d be ok in multiple realities

I’m good.

Well, I was almost a music major.

I'm just glad it's not rouge because then I'd likely be a prostitute.

I'm good. Nom nom nom

Omnipotence helps.

I feel like I'm not the one it's bad for.

Stressful mostly

Suddenly I need to order a lot of explosives...

I'm a fake Belgian/Dutchie.

I gotta get to Greece!

If everyone dressed like me the world would be a much less violent place

Oh my, this is not gonna go well.

Mine is the name of a character I used to play tabletop.

He was a Chaos Space Marine.

I think I'll be okay.

Welp, im a vampire now

(Universal Infinite Shadow of earth is what my username means soo...)

I am in the Matrix where no one can find me.

I mean, it’s pretty good name for a streamer I think, so I could probably do something there

I'm seriously.

Sweet, I'm a wizard.

I think my username says it all. I'm kind of aloof and independent anyway so, being on my own is how I survive best. And nothing really gets me down, I don't own anyone else's sh#t and I just do my own thing and then I'm off on some other pursuit. I think it's sort of an ADHD but I love it kind of thing.

things just work out, it seems

... I think it'd be something you'd call an oxymoron.

Donate today, and this is not a request.

Better than the next guy's.

I hope I don’t need a boat. I’m fine if I need a lesbian.

So it's now a life and death situation for me to ensure cheetahs don't go extinct?

I'm gonna need a bigger van.

"CanopyFlyer" is a reference to my skydiving days.

I have a tad over 4500 skydives.

Even though my last jump was 18 years ago, I think I'd be pretty safe if someone threw me out a plane with a rig on.

Please, ya gotta help me Tony! I don't know what else to do!

I think for me, there'd be some sort of lord involved. Couldn't tell you what would happen, though.

My fitness is questionable, but my knowledge is vast. I'll team up and be ok.

At least I'll have food.

I wish I chose MeeKrob now.

I guess I am drilling wells? Maybe manageable.

I'm gonna be A-ok

Renere

I would get paid to help people be assholes.

I am me. Nothing changes, all is well.

Long as I can evade the authorities I should make bank

Pumpkin seed oil every day 😋

Name’s Donebrach. It ain’t foreign.

Either really good, or really bad

Sigh... unzips

Well..., by being charming?

My opacity causes screen burn ins.

Russian fucking roulette

Guess I'm eating a lot of waffles from now on

I'm just a civilian here.

If I die, you die. If I eat, you eat. If I drink, you drink. ...

I mean, as a software developer I kinda already have the means to stay alive. I’m an underpaid one, but I’m alive non the less.

I’m already dead

Oh shit, I'm gonna have to remember how my past me did this the last time around.

Itll either kill me in a burst of inspiration to the dome or be a very colorful and interesting way to kill people.

Well considering Huntress from dead by daylight is my namesake depends what she is supposed to keep me alive from. Starving in the post Apocalypse she has me covered, but if she's not bound there's a good chance I end up as dinner instead