As a gentleman, I'd offer to hold the steering wheel so she has an easier time aiming her lance at oncoming traffic.

She’s in the passenger seat, you can see the car in the background is also right hand drive
- Then I would definitely hold the steering wheel.
- Oh, that makes it easier!
Let's be honest: she's probably not a very good driver. They didn't even have cars back then, this must be a lot to process for her.

Take her to a knightclub

Hey Google, how do I award a comment Lemmy gold?
- BTC: Hfv5337hdd-64drtGTmib85CT
  (This is a joke, that's not a real Bitcoin wallet. DM me for the real one)

Become the damsel in distress naturally (I'm a 6'2 bearded man)

Wouldn't it be nice to be the little spoon once in a while?
The bachelor in distress then
I'm a 5'6 beardless man, we could make this a leaning Tower of Pisa

Help her save France from the English.

Or burn her for being a witch and falsely claiming knighthood, depending on your team.
- Why not both?

What makes you think I'm not already similarly equipped?

(Any good excuse to trot out this heavy bastard, which I don't have occasion to do often enough anymore. It could really use a polish. There's a project for the weekend...)

What's the best way to polish that?
- Give it to your squire.
- Take it to Poland?
- I usually attack it with a terrycloth and some Flitz. A little will go a surprisingly long way.
  There are various methods of oiling, waxing, or otherwise preserving it afterwards. I prefer boiled linseed oil for that, personally.
  In Ye Modern Times, you could also just make your mail out of something that doesn't rust. I didn't, though.
- Angle grinder and a buffing pad with a heavy dose of Sex Wax
- Clothes dryer and a bucket of sand would probably work.
  Plus you can sell the self-dismantled dryer for parts after.
- Toothbrush and time
Nice mail!
- Thanks.
  I have a set of matching super historically authentic pants in the same pattern and material (with suspenders!) as well. I might even still fit in them, but I haven't tried in a while.

I PUT ON MY ROBE AND WIZARD HAT

GET IN LOSER. WE’RE GOING DUNGEON DIVING
- WE CAN'T STOP HERE THIS IS DRAGON COUNTRY
lighting bolt lighting bolt lighting bolt
You. I like you.

Demand a shrubbery.

I'm here, I'm here.
- Demand... another shrubbery!

"I'm glad you brought protection"

what i'm told

Not another one knight stand!

Take her to paladinner and a movie?

(Sorry.)

beg her to marry me

I hear women love being begged for things

It greaves me to say it, but I'd pull her into a warm vambrace and try to tap that cuirass.

I love this.
Now get out.

Laugh at everyone who mocked me for carrying a SAK around.

Except that's the bottle opener...
- https://www.tiktok.com/@factors_of_jack/video/7276159041309723950

CALL THE LOCKSMITH!!!!!!!!!!!

Get excited about where ever we're going because I know it should be awesome

Looks like I'm in for a good knight!

One knight stand?
- The last knight standing must be a good knight.

We take Jerusalem!

This is the right answer

You’ve got mail!

FE-mail. (Because Fe is the chemical symbol for iron.)
- You might be juuuust nerdy enough to win this fair knight's favor!

Get either a piercing weapon to exploit weak points or a bludgeoning weapon to transmit force through the plate, because she's clearly here to do battle. Dinner can come AFTER I've defended my honor.

Yep, she's a keeper.

Marry her.

I sense one or two potential red flags.

"Glad to see you brought protection." 😈

If ya liked it then ya shoulda put ring mail on it
If ya liked it then ya shoulda put ring mail on it
If ya liked it then ya shoulda put ring mail on it
If ya liked it then ya shoulda put ring mail on it

Edit: before any nerds weigh in, I know that's not ring mail.

WD40

I would think there's a fair chance she might be interested in hearing all about my 18th level Paladin!

Gosh, is it warm in here?

I would let her pull my sword for sure

Unfortunately, you have an Ex-caliber sword.

Rejoice! She brought protection!

Pretty iron-clad, too.

As a longbow user, that armor isn't going to be much good

Everyone thinks they've got a longbow...
- Aboveaveragebow for sure.

Expect an inquisition into ur bedroom.

No one expects the bedroom inquisition!
- Our chief kink is suprise!

Immediately go buy a can opener?

What's a can opener? Kind of NSFW - like not really, but if someone walks in on you watching you'll have some explaining to do.
- Yeaaahhhh. This is definitely still falling under the NSFW Category. :D
  Not porn per se. But definitely not something to have playing at work. ^^

Marry her?

Marry her!

Ask if her father was possibly a little overprotective.

'No daughter of mine is going out on a date without a full set of protection!'
- You can never know when you end up in a battle.

You don't need to put a ring on it...

... unless she was going to expand on the chain mail coif; then you'll need lots of rings.

Do you really want to be the first partner not to add a link to the chain?

That's a long wait for sex

They say dress for the job you want...

Enjoy the ren faire.

This is the right answer. Maybe put my own gear on before we head out!

Girl, you're dressed to slay tonight.

Take Jerusalem! Deus Vult!

The only right answer.
I guess "joust her right then and there" also would be acceptable.

Let her conquer me.

Wife

Ask her if the maille is butted or riveted

Is your armor as riveted as I am?
Is your armor butted? ...would you like it to be?

I'm underdressed and didn't know it.

You can hold her lance and sheathe her sword.
- I'll let her sheath her sword any day.

"Oh shit. Why didn't you tell me we were going to a ren faire/Medieval Times? I would have dressed up too!"

A duel it is then. Finishes last of my wine

"Hey I got your two handed sword right here!"

grabs crotch

she takes a look

"Oh that's more like a little pocket knife isn't it?"

makes sad hurt male ego noises*\

Traditionally, thrust. Thrust hard, aim for the belly.

"I said we meat at night, not as knight"

We going to Medieval Times!

Badass.

Time to get medieval on dat ass.

She could wear a trash bag if she's this cute, I'm still going out with her.

Relevant username.

Take her on a crusade to concur the holy land, start a quest to find the Holy Grail, and show her how to slay the dragon.

I concur

Plate armor? With chainmail links that bad? You trying to get yourself killed?

Fall deeply, and completely in love

She can slay my dragon any time.

DEUS VULT

NI!

Suggest a first date that involves a mosh pit.

Or swing dancing.

If you want to horse around, I think I have two coconuts in the trunk.

That would be awesome, but I would be severely underdressed.

I would be anyway.

Don't try to hide my erection

Take out the ring

Deus Vult!

https://rachelemoss.com/2023/10/10/deus-vult-fantasies-of-medieval-masculinity-in-extreme-right-radicalisation-to-violence/

Smile and lube up

The Spanish Inquisition? At this time of year! At this time of day! In this part of the country! Localized entirely within your kitchen?!?

Yes!
- Can I see It?

keep my lance hid until the joust begins

Tell her we don’t have to go in her Tesla if she’s forced to wear that.

Can opener?

Maybe you can open 'er if you're a gentleman.

Joust!

Her lance is bigger than yours, now what?

She still looks good. 🤔

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=K6BRna4_bmg

Quest for some sort of cup.

Ask her to take down my enemies cause God put those hands on earth for throwing...Jesus they are huge!

Mawwage......

Mawwage.. Is why.. We aw gavowed.. heea.. Twwoday.

act as if it was completely normal just to throw her and everyone else off

I challenge thee to a duel

Do you even joust, bro?