Everything to keep disguise

I saw an angel take a shit, then eat said shit.

God works in mysterious ways.

This reminds me of the story about some old dude's dog that always shits on my neighbor's sidewalk. One day neighbor saw that and run to that guy with scary look on his face. He started scolding old guy that he should clean after his dog and old guy respond he's too old to do that, his back hurt and stuff. The dog saw the whole thing and in a shame he just ate his own shit so poor old man didn't have to clean it up.
- Kudos to the dog.
  If you're unable to care for a pet, you need to find it a new home.
my angel went one level derper.
he took a shit, ate it, puked up that eaten shit, then started eating that shitty puke... which he puked.
had to throw out that sofa.
- One of mine brought in a frozen turd one winter and started chewing on it.
Angel poop probably taste pretty good tbf
- You're free to try it

Angels attacked a friend of mine for more than 90 minutes, taking off and eating part of her legs, arms, breast and face. The paramedics that eventually brought her to the hospital were so traumatized they still have not returned to work. My friend has had 11 reconstructive surgeries so far.

#touchedbyanangel

God gives his sweetest humans to his hungriest angels.
- He works in such mysterious ways. But I Trust in his greater (meal) plan
What do you expect of a homicidal god with double standards?
Demons were angels once...
- Not all of them. And depends on the religion and sect therein
Did that happen to be a pit bull angel?
- These were 4 german shepherd angels

Imagine a pitbull goring a toddler before looking you dead in the eyes and saying "BE NOT AFRAID"

Damn a lot of you hate dogs huh

Well I like dogs but they certainly aren't angles
- Idk my lil Pomeranian is pretty obtuse
Right? These comments are wild. I used to browse r/dogfree because I thought it was (mostly) satire and OTT on purpose, and I'd laugh at a lot of it. I thought it was parodying something else.
Every once in a while there'd be stories that made me empathize and feel bad for the person, like some people were saying that they had severe debilitating allergies and they couldn't frequent their favorite restaurants anymore because pet patios were installed - yeah that sucks.
Some stories were even straight up super sad, like people who were traumatized from being bitten/attacked earlier on in their lives. Yeah - I'd probably be wary of dogs too if that happened to me.
But the vast majority of those comments were like "OMG DOGS STINK AND THEY SLOBBER EVERYWHERE. HOLY SHIT THEY LICK THEIR NUTS LOL FUCK DOGS AMIRIGHT?! THEY POOP ON THE FLOOR - GROSS." I genuinely thought those were purposeful parody stories because hating dogs for just existing is such a...weird stance.
Apparently it's a thing though 🤷‍♀️.
- I wanna know if they all applied those sentiments to all pets.
  There isn't a single domesticated animal that isn't "gross" and has to be cleaned up after constantly. Dogs will shit on the floor when you don't let them outside to shit in nature, but a cat doing what it's supposed to do will shit in a box you have to empty regularly and shreds your furniture for fun. At least dogs only lick their balls, cats have the flexibility to straight up lick their assholes.
- Edgelords gonna edge. You like something common and popular? Well I don't because I'm incredibly unique and tragically misunderstood - just like the other thousands of people whose sentiments I echo. Replying makes me a hypocrite, but pondering other's self-imposed misery is a waste of your time. If we magically exterminated these pesky "x" all that pissy emotion would just transfer to the hot new "y". Any reason to complain will do. It's the act itself that releases the cortisol.
- are you human?
Yeah I get a lot of online content is about cats, but hating dogs is just weird as hell
I personally hate any animal that poses a significant danger to me. So as much as I hate caracals, tigers, etc while loving cats, I hate large dogs that are aggressive, are able to kill me and if they decide to do so, I wouldn't have too much of a defense against them. Anything else is fine by me.
- A cat could kill you, easily. They literally have razor sharp claws in all their legs, a well placed puncture or even an infected cut could endanger your life. Cats have, rarely, killed babies. They are literally mostly carnivore tiny tigers who kill for a living.

I saw an angel casually walk down a street with a human head in his mouth. I'd post the video but, y'know, rule 4.

Where the fuck did you have to see that?
- Mexican news. It happened in Zacatecas last year.

What are you guys on about? Lucifer was an angel.

A hot, sexy angel, as the TV keeps telling me.
But let's be honest, God has killed way more people than Satan. Dude brags about it too, with his rainbows meaning
"Haha, I promise not to hit you anymore... but I could."
- I can't even think of anyone Satan killed; but God's killed the whole world at least once and only promised not to do it again in the same way.
Which is funny because how would you even defy an omniscient, omnipresent, and omnipotent being?
Though the old testament did write them more as old friends that disagreed on some things rather than bitter enemies, having bets and fucking with humans for their amusement. Kinda like the whole thing was made up by a bunch of different people at different times who didn't all have a strong grasp on what real power was and thought it required anger like a human with power that only exists because of threats of violence and were really just trying to turn their wise reputation into their own power backed by a vengeful god's power.
- Which is funny because how would you even defy an omniscient, omnipresent, and omnipotent being?
  From what I remember when my parents took me to church as a kid, he just kept bugging God for power. Eventually God had enough of his shit.

God with a thick rock hard dick under them robes, just throbbing at the thought of sending dogs to eat babies

👶🐕 ✝️🍆💦

Angels in the Bible: "Be not afraid"

Angels in Ultrakill: "I WILL WRITE A BIBLE STORY IN YOUR BLOOD, MACHINE!"

Angels in Evangelion: 🔹
- Perfection!
The latter can fortunately be defeated with the strongest weapon known to man (and machine):
Pocket change
- *martial art

According to the lore, demons are fallen angels so you can keep this narrative going

My angels are really fucking stupid. And one of them killed and ate (half of) a mole yesterday.

That mole was coming right for you! That angel saved your life!

~~pit bulls~~ angels when they see a child

BE NOT AFRAID
- OR DO BE AFRAID
  IT IMPROVES THE FLAVOR

An angel pooped on my yard

Hey, angels get hungry for that succulent childflesh just like anyone else.

This tracks. The God of the Bible sent an angel to kill the first born child of every household in Egypt unless they splattered lamb’s blood over their door. (Hence the Passover)

Why God have bonar

An angel ran out in front of my truck the other day…

Be not afraid, I just got a craving for some literal baby back ribs.

People complain about all the tankies plaguing Lemmy but I think the real issue is dog worshippers. I should start a community like FuckCars but about dogs instead.

On second thought, that would probably attract people who love dogs a little too much...

Wait, that's not what FuckCars is about?
- Surprisingly not. It's about people who never stepped foot outside of a big city and think the entire world can function without cars. They have this crazy idea that without cars, we could just have buses, bike lanes, trains, etc.. everywhere.
  They don't realize (or care) that this is literally not feasible for many rural areas. There just isn't enough people to support these services and the distances between locations is too great.
Like all these comments about dogs are negative lol. It's actually really weird how hateful these comments are. Like imagine someone hanging out with someone who said a cat was cute and then responding with "I fucking hate cats, I want to start a group about hating them so much." Weird as fuck.
You mean c/banpitbulls?
- My distaste for dogs isn't specific to pitbulls. I need something more inclusive.
There was a subreddit for this called dogfree I believe, kinda like childfree. So I'm sure it's a community that would have a following. I'm a dog lover, but I get they're not for everyone.

Wholesome chungus 100!!!

Damn I didn't knew god was an old white man.