*Look at the headline again*

Let's not forget the first human trial of the chip is already failing...

https://arstechnica.com/science/2024/05/elon-musks-neuralink-reports-trouble-with-first-human-brain-chip/

Let's also not forget all the dead test animals...

https://globalnews.ca/news/9328626/elon-musk-neuralink-animal-deaths-federal-probe/

The only chips I want in my head are potato chips in my mouth, screw Neuralink!

Let's also not forget all the dead test animals
Heaps of them?
Other people and companies have built working deep brain stimulators. Like trucks, it seems to be beyond elon musk.
The first chip works better now than the day it was impanted. It's not exactly that it's "failing", some of the threads got pulled out because it turns out human brain moves inside the skull more than they anticipated. However they've managed to make up for that with optimization so the performance today is better than it has ever been.
- Your thorny insight is not making me any more comfortable with the idea. But hey, you do you..

Once you have your brain chip, you will finally understand that Elon Musk is the greatest genius of all time.

But when you try to explain this newfound knowledge to somebody else, all that comes out of your mouth is telling them to buy a brain chip.

Elon keeps picking companies that give big government grants. Space, electric vehicles, medical, infrastructure. Twitter is like the only company I don't see getting direct government handouts.

He made his money from duping the people who give out our tax dollars.

Twitter is just the same thing Billionaires always do, get a social media platform or news company under their control to try and make them look good.

Yeah, people have said that they thought I'd love the idea of a brain implanted computer so I could do cool hacker shit or VR.

Like, noooooo that'd be like the Matrix run by the upper management suites of Boeing and Microsoft.

"Yeah we're sorry hackers broke in and stole all your childhood memories but we couldn't apply any security updates because the QA team had to be fired after the last one left them all barking like dogs and pissing on trees, . Don't worry, we'll fix it in BrainOS 9.8. You'll need to pay for that updated but we're now offering a choice between our premium $1500/mo subscription model or new ads-in-your-dreams model for $600/mo"

BrainOS open source drivers for linux when?
- Never, and we're going under so we're locking everything down and closing up shop, woops.
Wake up, watch a 30 seconds ads.
Go to shit, watch 5 minutes ads while you shit.
- While I am on the shitter might actually the most effective time for an ad. It used to be pretty common to keep magazines by the can and those had ads for sometimes interesting stuff

I have no qualms getting a brain chip implanted that's been properly tested and vetted, especially if it enables me to do cool stuff.

But I want fucking touch one that Mushk has been anywhere near

You think neuralink has not been properly tested and vetted? It's perfectly fine not to want to have anything to do with stuff related to Musk but atleast be honest about the true reasons then. The uninformed opinions I'm reading here are solely based on emotions.
- You think neuralink has not been properly tested and vetted?
  Absolutely

Anyone dumb enough to get one deserves what happens

Hahaha they are gonna offer poor people money to basically donate their brain and quite potentially their life. Hahaha
- (They will then reneg on the contract)
- Offer money? Who needs to do that when they have the American prison system?
- Shades of "Pantheon" and forcible, destructive brain scans...
If it offers more freedom than the alternative, I'd sign up. I'm thinking of massive physical and mental disabilities here.
They're gonna require you to have one for your job.

20 years ago I would have been hyped that this was a possibility. Now... Not so much

Was thinking the same thing lately.
About tech in general.
I used to be a disciple, imagining the beautiful future, spreading the hope of a better world.
Now, I kinda think old man Kaczynski was a prophet.
- He went about it all wrong but he definitely had a couple observations that weren't 100% incorrect. He was Harvard educated after all.
- "I hope someday Selmers rides her fucking train"
I'm still excited that it's a possibility, but I don't trust Musk with it. It's one step closer to me becoming a brain in a jar.

Ok, my turn:

I want to be able to retire before I’m 70 and have some semblance of a “good” retirement.

Oh this is fun. Who’s next?

seems right on brand.

he also wants millions of people to buy his terrible cars.

Can I start a conspiracy theory? The reason he wants this, is he earnestly believes in the collapse of civilisation and he wants to use this as a back up plan to ensure he has a source of compliant slaves

That's an interesting idea.
Billionaire preppers are already exploring the question:
"How do I maintain authority over my security force after 'the event'?" one of the men asked
Article I got that from
- Yeah, I kinda got the idea from a similar article
Or he’s hoping to cheat death by merging the chips with starlink, creating a hivemind.
- Can I read that book?
I think that's a subset of an already existing conspiracy theory, possibly linked to "effective accelerationism"
- Yeah, he thinks he deserves to be king in that scenario, but even he realises that all he has is money. No connections or valued skills

How about implanting the sun with Elon Skum?

Takes too much energy to shoot anything into the sun. Mars is easier and there is no coming back either. Or submarines to the grave of the titanic. That is even more economic.
- Cinderblocks and chains are even more economical.

Kanye West showed up to a Trump rally somewhere in California recently in a Cyber truck. It was like a jambalaya of stupid people.

Hallucinating advertisements doesn't sound fun to me.

At a certain time in my life, I wrote to Tesla HR to thank them for not hiring me.

he should lead by example.

...maybe he already did

if past me ever heard a billionaire say this, he'd probably believe it was an onion article, because it sounds too out there and complete bullshit, but now less so since I've actually heard of the technology.

Didn’t it already fuck up in the first human guinea pig? Not to mention all the dead monkeys.

Didn’t it already fuck up in the first human guinea pig?
Nope. He's doing better than ever. Some of the threads god pulled out because it turns out that brain moves inside the skull more than they anticipated but they've made up for that with optimization and system updates. The performance of the first unit is better today than it has ever been. This is coming directly from Noland himself who has been quest on several podcasts.

Him first

If Elmo himself is getting a commercial version of this implant, maybe I would consider getting it if I wasn't repulsed by the concept itself

I have the same feeling as I drive a car with a Nissan CVT.

Not even in my corpse

The best way to read this screenshot is to keep the actual headline below the window and try to guess which thing it's referring to.

...or the headline above it about a company changing its TOS and subscription model for a hardware product locked down by software.

He wants to do a lot of things. Poor Elon.

I was always soooo very hopeful and excited about a future where we're linked to our computers and the internet through chips in our brains. I did not realize back then just how poorly the future would turn out, where companies like Facebook and Elongated Muskrat would be the ones pushing that link. They'll likely spy on your thoughts, push ads straight to your brain, and require a subscription. If you forget to pay your subscription then you wake up blind or paralyzed until your subscription is reactivated. What a sad future we've found ourselves in. All of the dystopia, none of the toys.

Elongated
Off topic but I think he suggest this term himself after joking about scandal named with a "gate" at the back of something. I just call him Melon Husk.

I think it's a good thing. I mean, decent normal people aren't going to get it, it'll just be the troglodytes that still worship Musk. I really don't care what happens to those cretins.

The very idea of connecting neruons to electronics is an old science fiction dream/nightmare. I doubt it has any use in reality.

We already have several very effective ways of influencing the brain through ordinary sensory inputs. There's no reason to invent a new input for the brain.

I doubt it has any use in reality.
Some possible future use cases would be things like:
Restoring Mobility: Bypassing spinal cord damage to regain limb control.
Treating Neurological Disorders: Modulating brain activity for conditions like Parkinson’s or epilepsy.
Restoring Vision and Hearing: Bypassing damaged pathways to directly stimulate the brain.
Enhancing Communication: Translating thoughts into speech for those with severe impairments.
Prosthetic Control: Enabling natural movement with brain-controlled prosthetics.
Treating Mental Health: Targeting brain circuits to manage depression or PTSD.
Memory Restoration: Helping those with memory loss, like in Alzheimer’s.

That's nice, dear