How long is a meter? (Only weird answers/definitions allowed)

"The length of the path travelled by light in vacuum during a time interval of ⁠1/299792458⁠ of a second, where the second is defined by a hyperfine transition frequency of caesium."

This is the actual definition, but it's also pretty weird.

And here I thought it was that sick of metal in the wall in France when it is 21 degrees C
- They redefined it a few years ago to base all units on some objectively measurable natural constant. Because that stick of metal might still decay or warp or something and you don't always want to travel to France when you want to know the length of a meter. Much easier to measure the atoms and light you have on hand.
- Found the vampire.
- It was defined as
  one ten-millionth of the shortest distance from the North Pole to the equator passing through Paris.
  The stick of metal in Paris is just so people don't have to do measure the distance between the north pole and the equator each time they want to check their measuring tool.

Like half a dude.

Wednesday dude or normal one?
- like a Tuesday one
- Weird frog dude
Some dudes are longer than others.
- look it's not like there's a titanium standard dude lodged somewhere in a vault in France, but I reckon we all know the difference between a short dude, a long dude, and a metric regular dude
- "I see yer mother's been tellin' ya stories about me ag'in, boy!"

Depends on the meter, dude. There are thermo-meters, speedo-meters, baro-meter...

You win.

Take a really long rope and put one end on either pole of the Earth, and the other end on the equator. Use the shortest path, and make sure the rope is tight. No squiggles allowed! Chop that rope into exactly 10 000 000 equal parts. One of them is as long as a meter. Now you just need to find the right one.

Edit: more zeros.

Distance between pole and equator is... 10 km?
- Good catch. I screwed up the zeros. Fixed it now.

Okay, so, right, okay. Um. In German schools (and probably some other countries...?), many many years ago (possibly still today? or maybe it's all digital now? what am I saying, this is German schools), the blackboard in every classroom was a large, green, rectangular middle part and two square "wings", one on each side (as wings are wont to be...). They can swing in and out, providing extra room for writing on the outer side of the wings. Also for extracurricular shenanigans such as writing "[name] + [name] = SEX" in the middle, swinging the wings closed to hide the writing and then breaking out into hysterics when the teacher opens the blackboard to reveal your incredibly highbrow joke.

This type of blackboard is quintessential to my recollections about and concept of school.

Why am I going into such unnecessary detail about this? I have ADHD and possibly autism, I need you to understand what I'm saying and I can't find any sources of this existing in the English speaking world and I can't find an English word for those "wings" either. I can barely find a German one ("Tafelflügel"? I don't think it's ever come up before in my life).

So here's a picture:

The width/height of the "wings" and the height of the middle part, that's a metre. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

Does the metallic edge count as part of the meter too or just the green surface? What if it's so hot the wings expand?
- Just the green. This is special German engineering high-tech space material whose name I absolutely do know but am not at liberty to divulge and that doesn't expand (i.e. I've never experienced a blackboard being warmer than slightly cool to the touch).

A bit more than 90 centimetres, a bit less than 110. Somewhere in that ballpark.

Just about half as twice as much.

The distance light travels when it goes one meter.

About ten minutes, wait, what was the question?

Try to piss as far as you can. Now you know how long a meter is.

But how do we measure the lenght? Do we have to find a way which includes the last drop? And what if I don't have a penis?
- You piss in the snow to clearly see the pee and the furthest drop counts.
  If you don’t have a cock you are free to bring a dick you trust to the measurement. Just make sure to fill the form A38 beforehand and your designated piss officer will give your team green light.

5 letters

About the size of a giant sea turtle.

Is it a cute turtle?
- If it have been cute, it's not a meter long anymore.

Depends on how much money you put in.

😂👏

About twice as long as half of its length

About 4 stacked house cats, or a bit longer than a 3-year-old.

Only weird answers?

The truth itself is weird: The meter is defined as the distance that light travels in a vacuum in 1/299,792,458 seconds.

Powers of ten my ass
- The problem is that the meter is originally defined in terms of the size of the earth, which is in no way related to the speed of light.

3 1/3 Subway sandwiches

Ask...Peter

Peter who?
- like, Meter Peter. Don't ask me, it just descended on me

The square root of a square meter

Well, meter, like atom meter? Or like gas meter? Anti meter? You need to specify the type of meter.

Pentameter
- Iambic or dactylic?

take a meter stick, now cut it in half. glue it back together. a meter is probably a little bit longer than this since you lost some material cutting.

Enough thread for 10 to 15 stitches.

bit ~~more~~ less than 6 wang lengths.

Now I'm confused.

About the length of a golden retriever

5.618 Bananas

Take one liter of water at "room temperature" an aprox of 20 Celcuis degrees at one atmosfere pressure. Take a straight transparent tube of one centimeter inner thickness. Put the water in without spilling.

Measue...

A meter...

That's wrong. The tube has a cross section of 0.25π cm² so your tube will be filled ~1,2732m high.
Also as others have stated, if you can measure 1cm you already have a definition of a Meter.
Accidentally measured diagonally, now what
- you will have measured 1.00005 meters (sqrt(1+0.01²)), assuming your eyes are the best in the world.
how am I supposed to measure the inner thickness?