Arrogant Cowboys

My favorite Texas dig is: If you cut Alaska in half, Texas would be the third biggest state.

Alaska: "We have the biggest state!"
Texas: "How long does it take to drive across?"
Alaska: "We wouldn't know, we've never left Anchorage."
- Alaska: our mountains are so huge, weather so severe, and land so vast, that mankind does not have the ability to build roads across our state. Come at me, Texas.

I live in California and I can buy weed at the weed store.

Texans can't.

Californian women have protected human rights that Texan women don't.

So I guess my state has more freedom than Texas.

We also have legal psychedelic mushrooms, at least where I am in Oakland.
Also, I fucking hate cowboys. Had a layover in 2001 in Dallas. I couldn’t believe how many cowboy hats, boots, belt buckles. It was a clown show. I’ll never fly through Texas again.
- Wait what? You're telling me there is a reason to go to Oakland without continuing on into SF?
- All hat, no cattle. Too much truck, not enough dick. Just like jacked up stupid trucks, it's suburban men cosplaying. They're imitating a culture they aren't a part of and don't understand.
You can buy delta8 or whatever it is now at shops in TX tho, in fact https://www.texastribune.org/2025/06/22/texas-thc-ban-bill-greg-abbott-veto-senate-bill-3/
One good thing Abbott has done

Bigger in everyway! Bigger crime, bigger gun problem, bigger capture by oil companies, bigger environmental damage, bigger racism, bigger highways... The list goes on!

Bigger douchebags
Not to defend Texas, but Alaska has waaaaaay more crime. At least if we're talking about violent crimes. I wanted to move there once, but I decided against that based mostly on that factor. Approximately 8 in every 1000 people will commit a violent crime in Alaska. For reference, Texas is about 5.
- But Texas has 40 times the population
*does not include bigger area
Yep. One guy in my class had an exchange student from Texas. Absolute biggest asshole. A real advertisement for Texas: "Never go to a state where they breed idiots like that."
- One of the worst people I ever had the displeasure of working with was from Texas.
  Granted, I have also worked with others from Texas that were fine.
And the biggest drunk! Wait....

What a lame thing to be proud of

Texas is a third world shithole, they have to be proud of something

Everyone knows Colorado would be bigger than Texas if you hammered it flat.

Actually makes me wonder what the 3d surface areas are relative to their 2d projected surface area.
- The surface area increases if you flatten something out while maintaining the volume.

Also Alaska: It’s over, Texas. I have the high ground.

Alaska - High point: 20,320 feet - Sea level
\ Texas - High point: 8,749 feet - Sea level

lol

Sincerely, Australia; where two states are bigger than Alaska, and all but 2 states and 1 of 2 real internal territories are bigger than itty-bitty Texas.

TIL the claimed Australian Antarctic Territory is six times the size of Texas.
- I mean yeah, the Australian Antarctic Territory (that we basically inherited from the UK, IIRC) is fucking massive. But it's also what we call an "external territory", so I wasn't counting it.
  The internal territories are the Northern Territory (practically a state for our purposes here) and the Australian Capital Territory (similar to America's District of Columbia, but with real legislative representation!). Oh, and the Jervis Bay Territory, but for most practical intents and purposes that's another arm of the ACT.
Those 2 small states are where most of the people live though.
And within those states, most live in the main city. Even more if you count the commuter cities.
Also points for both snow and heat in different parts.

laughs in Western Australian

Laughs in Queensland
Plus there is a tiny little Texas inside Queensland.

Who the hell sticks a bumper sticker on the side of their car? Hell, who the hell sticks a bumper sticker anywhere but the windows? Good luck removing them without destroying your paint once you get sick of them.

Who the hell sticks a bumper sticker anywhere but the bumper?
- People who take care of their cars, that's who.
Who the hell gets bumper stickers they might later regret and want to remove?
Also: A little baby oil or rubbing alcohol will destroy the adhesives in the sticker and leave your paint just fine.
Lol

My province is bigger than your state

You assume I give a shit about the state where I live.

Oh yeah? Well my state is blue.

(Aka not considered a shithole state)

In 2145 the competition between the two states takes a violent turn as the cyberpolarbear division meets the mechacowboys in brutal mechanized combat, fighting in the sweltering heat among the gaint sand dunes in the deserts of Anchorage.

Interesting, TIL. My intuition when looking at maps somehow had me wrongly estimate California as larger than Texas. But Alaska is of course in a league of its own.

Texas is almost as long as California but quite a bit more thicc.
One additional factor, though, is that California's major cities are mainly spread all along its lengthy coastline, while most of Texas's major cities (Fort Worth, San Antonio, Houston, Austin, Dallas, etc) are clustered in the interior, decently far but not that far from one another. So going between Austin/Houston/Dallas is not necessarily as daunting a trip as going from Los Angeles to San Francisco.
- San Antonio -> Austin -> Dallas is ~5h (and they're basically in a straight line)
  LA to SF is ~6h
  Add Houston on the end and it's 8h+ (roughly a C shaped route) or roughly San Diego to SF.
  Interesting the distance between the furthest points in each state is roughly 14 hours for both. They're weirdly analogous.