Some people? Absolutely. Others? Just trying to connect

I was literally told constantly growing up that finding something relatable and sharing is part of normal conversation, but then people would be offended if I did and tell me I'm "too quiet" if I didn't. Like wtf do yall want, WHAT DO I DO, GAAAHHHH . . .

. . . fuck it, I'll just talk about trains the whole time

Bees are also an excellent topic. Did you know there are bees that are nocturnal? Or that some use feces to deter predation of their hive?
- Opossum facts are a fun filter.
  You can slowly get more and more gross, those who step away are weak and undeserving of your companionship.
I think the key when trying to relate to someone is brevity. You want to signal "I understand what you're saying because something similar happened to me" not "shut up, we're talking about me now". The former is more difficult to do the more words you use. At the very least you have to stop talking long enough to let the other person continue their story if they want to.
- But me only use few word, me no talk lot
what's your favourite random train fact?
- I like trains . . .
WHAT DO I DO, GAAAHHHH . . .
That sucks.
That's crazy!
Select one as appropriate.
- That’s crazy!
- "Why don't you ever have anything to say about yourself?"

I don't have a problem when they bring it up either. It's when they dismiss my story to highlight theirs.

"Oh, you were in a car accident? That's NOTHING. I was in a REAL car accident where I nearly died."

"Your parents divorced? That's not even a real divorce. They just separated. My dad died. From the car accident."

"Oh, your house was on fire? You call that a fire? PATHETIC. My house was on fire after my mom drove her car into it, setting off a gas explosion, killing my father."

I think sometimes people say things that come across that way in order to offer potentially helpful advice, not to one-up you. For example, if you had a minor house fire recently but my house had burned completely down at some point then I might tell you my story as both a way to let you know that I understand how difficult your situation is and offer assistance with what comes next. Dealing with insurance and replacing your stuff can be an overwhelming proposition. If I don't communicate the desire to help you particularly well then you may think I'm just trying to say that I had it worse when really I'm wanting to help you but am simply too awkward to do it effectively.
Obviously some people are trying to shift the focus off you and on to them but I think you should be able to tell someone's intentions with a quick follow up question to whatever they say. Something aimed at determining whether they want to help you or just talk more about them.
I liked the storytelling, thanks!

Where can I find an entire country of people like this? Autist's Paradise, right there.

Support groups and group therapy. Identifying with someone else’s experiences through your own relatable experiences is a reaffirming connection.
It’s helped me a lot navigating the Autistic tendency to get lost in the mechanics of the story. Now I try to end my contribution with reconnection to the original experience, emphasizing the validation, and returning control of the conversation.
- Now I try to end my contribution with reconnection to the original experience, emphasizing the validation, and returning control of the conversation.
  This is something I've only just figured out how to do! I still need a lot of practice with it, my handoff is awkward and stilted and doesn't always work, but I'm a little proud that I can still learn new coping mechanisms and strategies even at this comparatively later stage of my life.
  When did you learn this particular skill? Did you have guidance from someone close to you, or did you figure it out on your own?

I read a post about different communication styles, and this is "builder vs maintainer". https://www.haileymagee.com/blog/three-communication-differences

A builder will try to add to the conversation by adding their own experiences. A maintainer will not add their own, but will focus on the other person's.

A builder talking about something may feel like a maintainer isn't that interested because they're not adding anything.

A maintainer talking to a builder may feel annoyed because the builder keeps talking about themselves.

Can you switch between the types during a conversation? I don't have time to read that at the moment, but i will later. Sounds interesting.
- Of course you can. Giving the two methods of communication names doesn't make them absolute universal categories.
I like that framing. I've noticed I'm a builder, although talking about myself is just most accessable strategy. In academics, at least, it's allowed me to instead pivot from myself to a theory or observation or something so building isn't quite as self centered.
In a sense that's what you're doing by providing that post, too. Best of both worlds to add to a conversation without diminishing the original. Master conversationalists can usually do that back to back to back, keeping a conversation going.
And I just think these grossly oversimplified textbook explanations for people are abject garbage.
- Cool

"I have it worse"

and

"Naaah bro that's not that weird / dumb I do that too"

Are very close sentiments at face value and it can take a fair amount of finesse to get something to read as the second one.

Training to be a peer recovery mental health specialist helped a lot if any of you are interested in learning some better techniques. It's mostly timing and choosing the right parts of the story to tell.

Thinking about it, I would at the very least much prefer it over getting unsolicited advice from people who know way too little about the situation they're trying to fix. That shit genuinely infuriates me.

My wife is a one-upper when it comes to trauma. Unless I was legally dead and came back to life, she'll always win.

You think that’s bad? I was legally dead, and DID NOT come back to life. Fuckin’ amateurs.

I feel like you can tell where the intent is behind it when they bring up a similar situation from their life. It's not hard to tell if it's from a helpful place vs then trying to upstage you.

I tend to do this to try to relate and let them know they're not alone, but lately I've just been trying to listen so that I don't come across the wrong way.

I’ve absolutely never understood the idea that this is one-upmanship or trying to make the conversation about yourself. It’s a very solipsistic take - we are social creatures.

I use Arch btw.

I think everyone secretly yearns for the opportunity to reenact that tired old movie cliché where someone half-heartedly says "yeah, I know how you feel" which causes the other person to angrily respond "NO, YOU DON'T KNOW HOW I FEEL, YOU CAN'T KNOW HOW I FEEL" and for the first person to sheepishly agree and apologise for the presumption.

It makes every character who has ever said that seem like an insufferable cunt, and in real life it's a thousand times worse. It sounds more like you fear that someone is trying to crib some of your weirdly-beloved pain as though it's currency, and to wear it on themselves like the spoils of a war you just lost. The difference between thinking that, and thinking "this person wants to be with me in this moment and share the burden", is so slight that it's easily-missed, so I don't necessarily fault people for the mistake. But you can literally just choose to go with option B in future, and in doing so improve your overall mental health and general vibe.