Toxic Masculinity rule

And it's a bottle opener
Because nothing screams manly like alcoholism
- If you need a bottle opener to open a bottle you aren't alcoholic
- TIL I'm actually manly
For the man who never fixes anything. It is criminal to not put some more tools on that card.

So a real man let their choice dominated by another man?

Real men link up to the hive mind.
- And Bee a Manliest Manly Man and twerk at your enemy!
- Don't give away ideas like that while Neuralink lives

I honestly can't tell if this website is being ironic

That's a very dumb name, but I really like the simple design and earth tone color of the bar itself.
On the other hand I don't think I'd like to smell like beer.
- Bought beer shampoo for my dad once as part of a joke gift. It did not smell like beer, but did not smell good either.
- I haven't bought beer scented soap from duke cannon but I have bought their solid cologne bars when I was looking for more sustainable alternatives to regular cologne. They smell decent and the scent lasts. The over the top masculine branding is cringe af though
Duke Cannon has some cringe to it, but they are surprisingly crunchy when it comes to the ingredients they use in things, including the aluminum-free deodorant that I like.
I was tempted by Naval Supremacy but I didn't like the smell (which totally should have been Bay Rum).
- Naval Supremacy; Nasal Inferiority

Can’t stand any of these masculinity targeted products. Also don’t flush any product down the toilet other than toilet paper. Those wipes clog sewers.

Real MEN don't touch their buttholes, they use a bidet. Check out now biMAN, equipped with a power hose so no grime gets left behind.
- According to my proctologist, we Americans are cruel to our butts with over-use of toilet paper.
  Never wipe but dab. Use a bidet. Start with a travel bidet, which is $5-$20, and you can fill them with warm water. Rinse liberally and dab, repeat until clean.
  Don't worry about manliness. Being nice to your hemorrhoids is the adult thing to do.
- Dude, bidets and ass showers in combination with shaved butthole is a hygienic must for hairy folks.
  Dingleberry cultivation is no involuntary hobby anyone should have.
- By Karcher

Being a man is when you conform your freedom of choice to one of a few acceptable choices.

Expressing yourself, showing who you really, standing up to peer pressure is for pussies, you wouldn't want to risk people accidentally mistaking you with them sexually liberated folks by admitting you like electro-swing over country.

Let’s not forget that they probably don’t listen to much non-commercialized country and when they do the highly left-wing, union supporting, feelings having message probably goes right over their heads. I mean it has to, they’d necessarily throw a fit if they knew what they were listening to.

As a guy, real masculinity is being comfortable with your gender and not becoming uncomfortable because someone else expresses theirs.

Guys, we're workers, and problem solvers. We're also so many more things like fathers, sons, brothers and friends. Masculinity as a concept is outdated. Adapt, overcome, persevere. That's all you need.

Anyone telling you that you're unmanly because you have, or don't have something, or because you do, or don't do something, is either a fool, or selling you something.

Be a man, ignore their bullshit.

I am a man, therefore everything I do is masculine.
- You know the most masculine activity I can think of? Going to the beach and digging a hole in the sand.
As a guy, I would like to thank you for this advise.

Don't forget your tactical Christmas stocking this holiday season! 💪

The whole tactical-style-for-not-tactical-thing makes me rage. Not because it exists, but because it's been picked up by the wrong demographic.
That sort of thing should belong to the realm of the ironic, and be worn by the person who has a bad joke to go with it.
Tactical baby carrier should be for the fun dad who uses it to make jokes about how you otherwise might notice the baby, and not the fragile guy who needs a shield to defend his masculinity in the face of raising his children.
It's like so much of these things started as a gag, and then got picked up by people who aren't in on the joke.
- Tactical baby carrier should be for the fun dad who uses it to make jokes about how you otherwise might notice the baby
  It still can be. The fun dad with tactical gear will reveal his fun-ness quickly enough. If the baby's binky is tactical black, but the multi-tool is Barbie™ pink, it might be a clue.

Is there anything more manly than washing clothes?

Washing the dishes with your manly muscles 😭🧽🫧

My birth certificate is proof enough that I'm a man. Now give me my strawberry Herbal Essences! 💪😡

Ohhhh YEEEEES...

classic rock, country, and blues

Metal is for sissies, I guess.

sigh I'll get the socks.

Great band.
- I like metal.
  I will have what he's having in the picture
- Is this Babymetal? I feel like I've seen this image before but I can't remember where.
Or classical. The "rationalist" crowd is in literal shambles rn

I saw MAN CARD in the thumbnail and legitimately thought it said MAN CHILD and didn’t even question it.

Which would be so much funnier. Wanna fuck with me? A certified MAN CHILD?

They do the same exact thing in the pink aisle in the supermarket.

By making everything more so called feminine, and now more so called masculine, companies realized they can charge a premium and people will fall for the packaging gimmick.

That’s all I think it is.

I do like the man card bottle opener though. Would be a fun thing to bring to parties and holiday gatherings.

A bottle opener in your wallet sounds pretty dope, ngl. Then again, not having a multi-tool on your belt is a huge L for anyone that claims to be rugged and handy.
- Yea you’re totally not manly enough if you don’t have a multitool and a big brass belt buckle
- i find the Leatherman Skeletool has the best bottle opener, because you don't look like a jackass using it. you can open a bottle with a Skeletool without going "LOOK EVERYBODY, I'M USING MY MULTITOOL"

“A man’s music collection should consist out of classic rock and country. …… oh yeah and also blues. See we ain’t racist we added black music”

Lol bet they mean Eric “non-whites should be deported” Clapton and not BB King.

A man's music collection should consist of classic rock, country and blues

Does this give anyone else boomer vibes? Also, I suspect this is trying to invoke the Progressive Rock of the 1970s (Kansas, Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, The Eagles, Supertramp, etc.) and not Buddy Holly, Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin or, you know, Elvis, The Beatles and the Rolling Stones

But then my man card expired in the early 1990s.

How? o_O
- Got to renew it every six years
- I think the "[all pronouns]" in their user name should give you a hint.

I only wipe my butt with sandpaper.

I let it crust over and sand it all off once a month.
- Sissy people use that wimpy bidet but I use a pressure washer.

Real men use a bidet anyway.

And not because it's objectively better than wipes. ;)

REAL MEN LICK THEY OWN ASS CLEAN
- Well, some people say men are basically just dogs and I guess if some of us can lick our own assholes, that's further proof.
- Society if men could lick their own assholes:
  Nothing productive would be done all day.

These dudes are so uptight about masculinity. They could really use a prostate massage.

real men don't clean themselves at all so that their musk is always noticed by everyone in the room they're in

Real men are like a bison bull, hairy smelly and they roll around in dirt.
The sad thing is that only bison cows are into that.
- rolling around in dirt would be an improvement, dirt is honestly fairly hygenic especially compared to enclosed sweaty skin where bacteria has a great time

How do people even find such a shop

They're the type of people who click on Facebook ads

Only classic rock, country, and blues are manly? I didn't know metal, rap, and military marches were for little girls

It's a slippery slope. I heard if you listen to too many sea shanties you will start aggressively lactating.
- _{Babe, wake up! New feminization technique just dropped}
Ska and punk are part of the woke trans agenda
- Actually the woke and trans movements are emergences of what Ska and Punk was doing decades ago.
- Ska is what plays in a 10 year old boys head when he gets extra mozzarella sticks.
Everyone knows Wu-Tang is for the children.

Man facts:

I listen to eurobeat and hard style

Its quite the norm in parts of Europe.
Had it been hard-core (from hell) i may have judged you but, even then, only as an xtc fiend.
For anyone curious, try dj mad dog : reset
Fair warning, it might be jarring on any mellow you might have going on. Eventually, when you've been raving long enough, you might find that, from time to time, you'll need sounds from the bowels of hell at 200 bpm just to feel something.
- Speedcore my beloved.
  Need me some good ol high bpm music from time to time
No one would blink an eye at a country rock cover of, "Gas gas gas". Hell they'd prob think the original was the knockoff.

Man card bottle opener

lol he has to use a special tool to open his bottles. Table edge is right there tough guy... or literally any hard object you can get about an inch of leverage with (so not your dick ayo), Belt buckle is possible, doesn't even have to be a special one. Keys, a dollar bill, lighter, principle doesn't change too much between them. Hell even your wedding ring... oh... awkward.

If you're really willing to take a risk, you can do it with your teeth. I wouldn't recommend doing this, but I would recommend telling these people it's "manly" to do so.
Dollar bill?
- https://www.wikihow.com/Open-a-Beer-Bottle-with-a-Dollar-Bill
  also works for any random piece of paper but dollar feels like more of a flex, like lighting a cigar with a burning hundo (except you're not out a hundo after)
Their dick is probably too small to be useful anyways, regardless of supposed "hardness".
- Body shaming isn't necessary. We can shame people for things that are within their ability to control.

Wait but how do you wash your ass the wrong way?
I can see not the best way but as long as there's soap and water involved wrong seems harsh. So how badly do you have to fuck it up to be wrong?

Anyone got a link for the bunghole wipes?

The Bacon Bouquet

What does a real need a bottle opening for? Just rip it off with your bare hands.

Classic strawman