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memes @lemmy.world

MHanak @lemmy.world

1y ago

You got the cheese, the ham, the... wait

94 comments

you dip the chicken nuggets in whiskey and then roll them in cocaine for a nice speedy schnitzel
- That is going to taste so bitter, my tongue just dried up from thinking of it
  
  That's why there's bbq sauce.
Where are the dates?
- Probably wondering why their date is taking a picture of the charcuterie board.
  
  Woosh
- Bro’s got a baseball bat and an image analyzer from a NOAA satellite, and all he had to do was buy a package of dates from the grocery and take a pic of one.
The straight whole coffee beans. 🤣
- Ngl I've munched coffee beans before. There's chocolate covered whole coffee beans, so why not eat them without the chocolate too?
- They're alright actually
Condom lube on my cheese board doesn't sound appetizing
- It's flavored
  
  Its cheese flavored.
  
  Well in that case...
- These ribbed condoms don’t taste anything like ribs!
All that and not a single date to be found in the photo. Has bro never been to a grocery store?
Add a gun and some bullets and call it the Hunter S. Thompson Special.
- Wake up. First Chival Royale of the day.
  
  6am, in the hottub with champagne
- Needs more grapefruit.
What order is this meant to be in?
- To start off, put the gummi worms in a shaker, shake, collect the sour dust, snort.
  Next, add the whiskey to the shaker, set aside
  Dunk the bread in the McNuggies sauce, sprinkle on cocaine to taste.
  Add weed, thin crackers and coffee beans to grinder, grind thoroughly. Take the brie and your ground up spices, work them into each other as if you were making meatballs.
  Eat this raw.
  Ok, now vomit into the condoms.
  Now that the appetizer is done with, grab handfulls of the other cheeses, salami, prosciutto and McNuggies, and just stuff it into your face as if you were eating popcorn.
  Now that you've been thoroughly fucked by this culinary experience, finish it off with the drink you set aside earlier, which should hopefully be a lovely semi congealed glass of gummi whiskey.
  
  Awful, would laugh at you on a date. Better than most.
- Well after you do the drugs, it doesn’t really matter
- I’d say clockwise but I’m not sure how well weed/coke mix.
  
  I’m not into weed anymore (I wish I still was, but it gives me anxiety) but they mix perfectly fine!
  …it’s funny that it’s the WEED that gives me anxiety.
  
  When I was a youth they called that "coco puffs"
- Western.
Yeah they got McDonald's chicken nuggets. Like dude, go get some Wendy's. You've got nose spice so I know you understand how to be classy - now get your shit together.
- Found Wendy's Lemmy account
  
  Yeah for fucks sake nothing wrong with McNuggets.
This charcuterie board fucks.
That's a fucking party right there
WHERE are the motherfucking CHEESE BALLS?!
- After enough coke everyone has cheese balls.
- I can't wait to put your Sweady balls in my mouth.
To me this just looks like a typical day that started with the best of intentions.
Three condoms? My, we're young and frisky, aren't we?
- They are unwrapped and sitting pretty close to some meat and cheese. Feels like that's just asking for disrupting vaginal health balance. Plus I'd be suspicious of holes poked in the condoms. Unwrapping them is such a weird thing to do.
Everything looks good here, perfect date. Wait, except.... is that.... unground coffee beans? What the fuck?
- Espresso beans are delicious especially in dark chocolate.
- I'd eat those, but the proximity to cocaine is a bit concerning.
  
  You'd leave the cocaine on the board?
  
  Mix it up. Call it the morning special.
- I thought they were rasins, but not sure.
Frist of all, why are there condoms in the food second why are there 3 of them?
- One for the shaft and one for each testicle
  
  Duh .. we all learned this in sex ed
  
  Exactly. My balls secrete sperm like a maple tree. Don't yours?
  
  Right after saying “I can do the sex good!”
- The only question is, one at a time, or all at once?
- That depends.
  39 and under crowd - "Wanna go again?"
  40 and over crowd - "I'm going to need at least that many breaks."
Are those.. lol coffee beans?!
- crumchy
Oh sweet, mcnuggets!
- Which should pair well with the whiskey and coke. According to a friend.
I love the gummy taste of condoms with my Brie and crackers
Mythic rarity girl dinner
I can almost hear Major Kong (Slim Pickens) from Doctor Strangelove:
"Shoot... a fella could have a pretty good time in Vegas with all this stuff."
YES.
Why do u need 3?
- Heh, he doesn't know about the 3 ~~seashells~~ condoms.
  
  What about the famed 4th hole
- I always bring at least 4. Two for them to top, two for me to top, should we hit it off and have the time.
- Good to have backup in case you get precum on the outside or for when you want to switch between penetration and other stuff (if youre unsure about STDs it's better to use one for oral too though)
  
  Hey leave stdio and stdlib out of this!
- It's a long night...
I'll order the same happy meal.
That is a good host! What else do you want?!
no joke, you know the brie and gummy worms work.
Need a weirdness tier list for this

94 comments