saltnotsugar @ saltnotsugar @lemm.ee

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469

Joined

2 yr. ago

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Oh I sure do love my wireless iPhone. (WIRE ZAP) …dang it.

Haben Sie ein…MEGA SLICE?

I just wish my carrier would block all unknown callers to my phone instead of just silencing them.

I remember putting the kids to bed as a baby sitter, then chilling on the lazy boy until suddenly a kid is butt naked running right out the front door into a thunderstorm. Nothing like chasing a crazy naked kid through the neighborhood in friggin socks.

(Hang up Tsar flag)

Bolshevik neighbors: We don’t like yer kind around these parts.

I’ve used ChatGPT to explain a difficult concept in different terms, and it’s greatly helped me learn.

THICC

Why is that chicken smoking in the maternity ward?

“Don’t. Just don’t man. AVOID that chicken.”

Imagine being bored to tears as a guard, then seeing this just pop up and be left with zero explanation.

You see a lobbyist’s love is very different from that of a square.

Take my strong hand!

Cheese.

Boring animal: Chomp!

Chadodile: Chomp Spinny-Spinny!

For some reason I read this in the voice of Nacho Libre.

Don’t ruin a whole batch of cocks by overheating!

CANCEL

Heyyyyy…What’s your third favorite cactus?

Great intro song to that film.

(Shadow naked ladies and guns floating around) Fiiiiire. He cast me into a fire,
A fire of doubt.
In the heat of the flaaaaames,
Fiiiiire! Doubtfiiiiire!

69% of 420 is equal to 420% of 69.