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EmoDuck @ EmoDuck @sh.itjust.works
Posts
2
Comments
721
Joined
2 yr. ago

Breaking News from the Department of Defense

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  • Whenever I see government officials mess up I get reminded of the famous Marcus Aurelius quote:

    "Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed eiusmod tempor incidunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua."

    Which I think sums it up perfectly

    • No one showed up to his party

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  • I have a theory that would satisfy both your concerns. He has the fridge full of beer, chilled and ready to drink.

    Once people start taking them out you put the one's from the counter in to cool down

    • Frankly, I quite enjoyed the war

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  • It's just weird how he did all of that in the 1960's

    • Russian economy bad

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  • "Russians be like

    1 Hungarians"?

    • Soup: One is not like the others

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  • You guys use deci liter?

    • Why TED talks suck now

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  • I fucked Ted

    • Fashion is cyclical

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  • I read "Orcas" as "Oscar" for a second was very surprised as to what gad happened to the academy awards

    • Meanwhile at the russian embassy

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  • Please do not publicize the location and movement of active troops, mkay?

    • How did Batman survive being stabbed in the Dark Knight Rises movie?

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  • Are you suggesting that for the entire climactic finale of this movie, he had a raging BatBoner?

    • Took a tent but decided not to use it

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  • I know Americans catch a lot of flag online but man, I'm jealous of your guys' nature. Best we have are some shitty little patches of forest where you have to stealth camp since it's probably owned by some asshole farmer

    • Control

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  • I love Satisfactory but scrolling through a longer list of items can be a real pain. Scrolling with the mouse wheel feels incredibly slow and clicking the wheel once and then moving the the cursor down simply isn't an option

    So I'm often forced to resort to dragging the scroll bar manually, just like people in medieval times did

    • Drink the climate change away

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  • So what you're saying is I should drink the water that drips out of my exhaust when I start the car on colder days?

    • Why do people say "quote unquote something" and not "quote something unquote" ?

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  • Wait, it's "quote unquote"? I have always been saying "quote on quote" my whole life.

    • Seeing a sticker blocking a macbook's logo makes me realise it's a macbook more than just seeing the apple

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  • I have the same with these fake brands they'll use in TV and movies. Oh yes, have a bowl of Colonel Crunch before going to McBurgerTown

    • What should I bring to far-north Scandinavia?

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    • idk french but this escalated quickly

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  • France just happened to get nuked by the English at that very moment. It was unrelated to the helium situation

    • Pissing all By Yourself, Handsome?

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  • "Please, Mr. Hands was my father. Call me Geoff"

    • Since medical waste is often inccinerated, there's a good chance you've breathed in foreskin

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  • Why stop at breathing it in when you can rub it on your face. Foreskin skin cream is a real thing. Where else do you think all these baby foreskins go?

    • Hear me out.....

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  • Pickelhaube 2.0

    • Found a working pay phone in Kanazawa, Japan

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  • Despite the old stereotype of Japan being a futuristic nation that produces the technology of tomorrow, a lot of it's institutions are still using very outdated technology.

    Fax is still very actively used