31415926535 @ 31415926535 @lemm.ee

Posts

9

Comments

175

Joined

2 yr. ago

Was gifted kid, always the smartest, highest test scores. Then I got older. I know I'm above average intelligence in lot of things. But smart enough to know how stupid I can be, that I have lots of faults, limitations. There are many kinds of intelligence, and always more to learn

I went to old school, pre second Vatican council Latin masses. On our knees on other days in dusty, stone walled rooms, heads down, everyone quietly counting rosary beads. Had to wear veil over head to enter church because women's bare heads weren't fit for the eyes of god. Large cathedrals, Latin chanting bouncing echoes off walls. Hunky jesus nailed to cross behind gaudy altar, his loincloth sculpted so teasingly low.

No longer believe in god, but damn, the theatrical pomp was next class, probably influenced work I do as an artist, and why I like bdsm so much.

Was done by multiple people. Some relatives, some not. Decided that wasn't the life for me, cut ties, moved far away. It is survivable. Tks for kind words

Ritalin. Coke or pepsi.

Chased into street, knocked into street pavement, kicked in stomach repeatedly while neighbors watched.

Thrown across room, onto sofa, jumped on top, pinned me down, beating into my face with his fists.

Hit, shoved so hard I nearly flip, slam into wall, earring ripped thru ear.

I had a happy childhood.

Lemmy has been helping me lots. Been feeling so isolated, this is the first social online platform I've been able to participate in years. Talking to actual humans. Being able to help other humans.

Suicide. I say that seriously. You can plan, prepare, accept, rehearse, make peace. But when it comes to the moment of actual doing, the human survival instinct is insanely powerful, frustratingly so.

I've seen billboards, street signs, addresses written on curbs, numbers on apartment doors. Once was in a city reading a chalkboard menu for Mexican food, amazed at prices, wondering if I could speak Spanish well enough to ask questions.

Reading is never main focus though. More vaguely in background.

I have adhd. When I can internet on my laptop, I read fast, massive info processing, able to rapidly research vast amounts of data, mind can work high speed.

Right now, I have no internet. Trying to accomplish anything on my tiny phone, brain can't compute, carving on stone tablets slow.

The phantom tollbooth. Flatland.

Rough time in my life, pushed to breaking point, trauma, etc. Normal sensory processing disorder and highly active imagination got pushed next level. Felt I was starting to hallucinate, visions became intense, maybe someone from another dimension was trying to communicate with me, and they had to break my mind, make me go insane, to make it happen?

Anyhow, late one day, standing in a park, beneath a tree, sunset. Close eyes, sensation shattering, suspended, sunlight thru closed eyelids was amniotic glow.

Moment of fear, was I truly going insane? Thought about this. The reality I found myself in was actually quite pleasant, relaxing. I'd be OK with that.

That eventually led to not living in fear of possible insanity. Being ruled by fear is pointless longterm. Better to face, accept, after which, it can sometimes be enjoyable.

That's my fantasy. Have drawn up plans. Would love to live on plot of wooded land with artists, techies, eccentrics. Privacy respected, no one forced to do anything. But community bulletin board, hey I need this, can offer this in exchange.

There's a website where, if you already have land, can order tiny home kit for 10 to 20k.

Or, can order pre-assembled tiny home, hitch it to truck, more freedom of movement.

My fantasy. Plot of land, nature. Garden, grow some of my own food. Solar power, sustainable. Local community I can visit to trade food, services. I scour the woods looking for materials, bring them to my self built cabin, and make cat furniture out of found wood. Creative cat furniture, wall habitats, can sell for $700 or more

Juggling. Friend decades ago taught me how to group juggle with other people. Lots of fun. But I've learned never to admit I'm into juggling, cuz apparently it's serial killer weird

Piss in pizza box, freeze it, then leave it in front of someone's door if they're throwing loud parties.

Liquid @ss is astonishingly effective, can get it cheap on Amazon

Buy something that makes noise periodically, hide it. They'll go nuts trying to find it.

Record satanic rituals on a voice recorder. Tie string around it, open window quietly, lower voice recorder to hover above downstairs neighbor window. Set it to play. Can freak religious people out.

Things I find myself saying frequently, to spur me beyond inaction:

Don't let perfection be an enemy of what's good

The only way to find out is to do it. Or, only way to know is to try.

Done art my entire life, and have learned even when I produce failure, I learn from these mistakes, and over time improve.

I get so wrapped in my head, plan things to death, to inaction. Like 2 days ago, been wanting to make my own wound salve. I could've waited, kept researching, to death, but impulsively bought few ingredients on Amazon. Got the ball rolling way more quickly.

The only way to break out of a slump is to try something. I don't know what will happen. But intellectually I know decisions, actions breed more possibilities, expanding one's world.

Go big or go home. Play Sims, and have an idea to build a house with a huge tree in the living room? Do it, make bold choices, take risks. That's the only way we can evolve.

Since COVID, spraying lysol and febreze is WAY more prevalent. I've developed full blown MCS because of it. I'm now having trouble finding trash bags and toilet paper that isn't scented.

It's, I have no Tupperware. Nothing to put an onion into after I cut a bit off, to keep it fresh. No foil, no ziploc bags. My $ sitch is that bad right now. I have $60 to last me til September 3. Hence, why I probably sound stupid and clueless right now.

Was worried about buying onions, peppers, and them going bad too quickly. One onion, one bell pepper. That will work

Non dairy creamer, awesome. Wouldn't have thought of that

Exactly the kind of tips I'm looking for. Tks!