Personally, would rather not. Would have preferred a choice. To not exist is a fantasy, for all things to cease, all of this trauma, drama gone. Often wish futurama suicide booths were an actual thing.
But, can see how others would find being alive appealing. One can have some pretty interesting experiences, learn stuff, etc.
Went to a friend's house one day, she put salt and pepper on a tray of brussel sprouts, put in broiler for a short time. Changed my mind forever, delicious.
Mid twenties, I bought two items at a luggage store near the Castro in sf. One was a weekend bag for camping, or visiting another city, can hold 3 days of clothes. Another was a small bag for daily use. Lesbian here, I don't carry purses, just bags the size of purses, way more functional.
I'm late 40s now. Traveled, wandering, homelessness, camping, backpacking, have put those bags thru hell for over 20 years. They still look brand new. The small black bag, still use daily. I'm constantly astounded by what I can fit in it. It's like the tardis.
I'm struggling with that. My red, orange, blue oil pastels are running out. But have a bunch of brown, grey hues left. So forcing me to adapt. Also, was struggling to figure out how to add layering, depth, large areas of white space. But just one tiny white oil pastel. That forced me to experiment with using gesso as a medium. Initially, just to more cheaply add more white space. But realized gesso is amazing, can be sculpted, if you sculpt patterns, or carve lines into gesso, let it dry... when you lightly run oil pastel over the dried gesso...
Poverty, limited means can be useful. Necessity breeds adaptation.
Holy hell. In the past few days, I've been thinking a lot about quantum physics, the observer effect, the double slit experiment, how misunderstanding leads to a lot of confusion, quantum woo, quantum mysticism. Ive literally been practicing how to explain these things to a lay person. That, for instance, the observer effect, it has nothing to do with a human observing.
Anyhow, hello from my equally nerdy side of the universe.
Friends started to make bets that within 5 minutes of any conversation, I'll perk up and say excitedly, "I researched that!" And then bring up obscure, detailed facts. I don't like that I can be so predictable.... But wait, you ask, did the three fates have names? Well, I only know the Greek version, but there were Roman fates, fates in other cultures, woah, that made me think of Romulus and Remus for some reason, I read a fascinating book about them... 2 minutes later we are talking about the rise and fall of Rome, and the geopolitical realities of some obscure eastern European country in the spring of 1654.
I have nothing useful to contribute. Just, lately, been thinking a lot about platonic ideals. Plato decided that.... so, chairs. There are office chairs, camping, some metal, some wood, variety. Plato said that any chair you see, it is an imitation, an attempt. But the CHAIR ideal existed separately, in its own realm. At one point he theorized it was at the top of our existence, our reality.
An abstract homunculus, if you will. Mankind's capacity for abstract thought is astonishing, we use it to put rocket ships in space, math, science. Etc. But humans can get so caught up in their abstract thinking, they can lose touch with actual reality. People become labels, wars are fought over imaginary gods, anything can be justified.
Part of childhood was spent living in cars. We would find a rest stop each night. Most would have public bathrooms. Paper towels and few squirts of soap, soak the paper towels under faucet.. quick French bath. We'd go to the dumpsters in back of grocery stores, grab soiled boxes, put boxes in the well between back seat and front seat... instant bed space, 2 people could sleep in back seat. Truck stops were a godsend, some had showers. I remember eating a LOT of Vienna sausages straight from the can.
We'd go hit up random laundromats if traveling to new city, look in the dryers to steal clothes, sheets. Parent would park in front of a store, turn to my little brother and I, telling us what to go in and steal. We had special jackets with the lining ripped out, to hide stolen stuff in. And no one's going to expect a tiny quiet 7 year old to run a bait and switch scam, go into dressing room, and expertly hide 3 pairs of jeans tucked under their shirt, and walk out professionally, calmly. I got darn good at shoplifting. Quite an experience.
I can't tell you how much I care what you think. Thanks very much for sharing!
If everyone was as perfect as you, the world would be a very boring place.
Wow. Thousands of years, billions of humans. And I got lucky to find the one human who is the pinnacle of evolution, who possesses all knowledge, has unlocked the secrets of the universe. How did you achieve this? Please, tell me your secret.
Entry hallway has black light tapestries. Very large tapestry of tree and fairy lights over bed. All 3 tapestries, $40 on Amazon. 2 framed paintings of day of dead women, got for cheap in local latino hood. A small USB powered projectors covers walls, ceiling with animated aurora borealis. The first 100 digits of pi, written with colored markers.
On SSI right now. My art has exploded recently because I have a lot of time. Every day, at least one complete piece. Still pretty poor, struggling financially. But oil pastels, gesso, baby oil, cotton balls, piece of plastic... because free time, I'm excitedly experimenting, create pieces deeply layered, sculptural. Was never possible when employed.
If CBT and DBT were taught to kids in school... man, what a change that would make. To be taught at a young age how to control thoughts, cope with stress, face emotions, communicate effectively.
I'm already tried most all suggestions. Bed away from wall, low bed frame, made of wood, not metal, anti vibration pads. This is an old apt filled with addicts, mental health issues. No job, on ssi, can't move, unless I want to be homeless again. Trying to make what I have works. Only response I got, haven't tried, was platform on springs, rollers. Tks to everyone.
Oh, talking to neighbor, landlords, not applicable. Cops, screaming, fights breaking out, meth heads, everyone smoking cigs in their apartments... someone with anger issues simply slamming doors ... it can be so much worse. Trying to cope best I can
I'm tomboyish queer chick, probably wouldve seriously considered transitioning if born in later decades. Get called sir, man a lot. Doesn't bother me. I got used to playing mmorpgs, everyone is assumed to be male, I never took issue with it, sometimes had fun with it.
My understanding is... if you're a minority with special requests. You're gonna know people might be confused. Don't judge harshly. Give people a chance to understand. If you want to be referred to a certain way, it's up to you to say that up front. And be prepared not everyone will be receptive.
I'm not speaking for everyone, or people wanting any, all pronouns used. This is more for the people wanting to accommodate, worried they'll offend.
Took over 400 sedative type pills in under 40 minutes, tried to o.d. homeless shelter staff found my unconscious body covered in puke the next morning. From an hour after taking pills to 18 hours later... complete black, like I wasn't here. Coming back to this reality was slow, painful, surreal. Nurses afterward said I nearly died, or did die and they brought me back.
Personally, would rather not. Would have preferred a choice. To not exist is a fantasy, for all things to cease, all of this trauma, drama gone. Often wish futurama suicide booths were an actual thing.
But, can see how others would find being alive appealing. One can have some pretty interesting experiences, learn stuff, etc.