What's your plan for the Zombie Apocalypse?

I'm of the firm "no magic zombies" camp.

If the zombies aren't magic, they aren't going to last long, whichever form of zombie they are. Wait inside a few days, most of them should be dead or immobile.

If a zombie loses blood, they aren't going to keep walking, their muscles won't work without blood.

If you have a strong door, zombie arms will break before the door breaks.

Dehydration. Organisms need water to function at all, let alone move, and zombies aren't big on water fountains.

I see zombies as dangerous for a few days, with their senses failing so they can't track you effectively for the majority of the outbreak, then it's over.

Anything other than that scenario is a magical zombie, who can move without energy, function without a body, or unrealistically mutate.

I love zombie movies and comics, but for real real, no magic zombies.

update: I'm going to do a podcast episode about magical zombies now.

what about the nonmagic zombie situation where the plague spreads slowly and through typical viral pathways so that it becomes an endemic where people trying to go about their regular life will occasionally keel over and come back up as berserk monsters
- that sounds like a magic zombie scenario and the aforementioned guidelines apply.
  their dead tissue will break apart and decompose very rapidly, and dehydration will prohibit any complex movement after a few hours.
  if reanimations are moving their dead bodies around without connective tissue or the fuel/cell requirements needed to work those bodily systems, that's magic.
  expecting non-magic zombies to be able to chase someone or gather in a horde is like expecting a car to run without any fuel, engine, or drivetrain.
  the closest thing we have to a non-magic zombie but still similar to zombies in movies is rabies. the person becomes violent but extremely uncoordinated, aquaphobic, and then dies because the human body doesn't function without the constant ingestion of water and fuel sources.
What about a subtler zombie pathogen that merely rewires your brain to make you allergic to everything but meat. It would have longer to spread, and the increase in consumption would probably cause a general environmental collapse.
You'd have aspects of cannibalism, societal collapse, and dramatic infection deceit scenes and nobody would ever look like a zombie.
People would have to publicly eat plants to prove they're not zombies to enter secure areas. Remember the time Arby's made a fake carrot that was made of meat? They called it a megetable. That's real. What if the infected wormed their way into the food industry and started mislabeling things to muddy the waters due to social stigma?
Scientific zombies wouldn't necessarily look dead, and a real version would be way less overt.
- there are a few big issues here.
  The consistency and efficacy of that pathogen
  those people wouldn't be zombies, they would just be carnivores.
  if cannibalism/societal colapse/megetables are going on, people are going to notice.
  there are already pathogens that make someone vegetarian, but because of the resilience of the human body, the effect only takes hold in a very low percentage of people introduced to the pathogen (they're not sure which mechanism in tick spit prompts the meat allergy yet, afaik).
  The brain is incredibly complex and can rewire itself, so to have even 10% of the population have consistently perfectly rewired brains while maintaining all other normal functions and the coordination to conspire, cannibalize people and change the global food supply is a pretty magical scenario.
If a zombie loses blood, they aren’t going to keep walking, their muscles won’t work without blood.
Isn't that the whole idea behind zombies: they need no circulating blood nor an heart pumping it? Soulless and heartless bastards, you know.
If you have a strong door, zombie arms will break before the door breaks.
One zombie no doubt, but like we all know those assholes are often moving in hordes.... Sure, the first zombies squashed against the door won't like that very much but then neither will the door and once it breaks under the weight of all the other zombies... Or if it is not the zombie-proof door, they will inadvertently press too hard on one of those nice large windows we often see in the hollywood type of houses, a window that isn't zombie-proof obviously and then... bon appétit, like we say in my country ;)
The only kind of zombies I really worry about is the quickly and very much non-fictional ramping up illiteracy among younger generations. To me, this kind of cerebral death is much more worrying than hordes of dead people suddenly wanting to take a bite of my sorry ass. That said, maybe I should see that as the latest kind of zombification? Pure brain rot instead of flesh rot?
So, what would I do if illiterate zombies were to try to eat me or turn me into one of them? I would be throwing all the books from my personal library at them, knocking them off one by one with some (not always that) serious knowledge I suppose :p
Or maybe it's time I learn how to pray? Because if those illiterate zombies become dominant we'll all be screwed once and for all I'm afraid.
- "they need no circulating blood nor an heart pumping it?"
  yup, those are the magic zombies. real complex organisms whose muscles won't function without energy/water/bodily structure are much more demanding.
  and keep in mind that every moment after death those bodies will be decomposing, that that body is not living, then it is decomposing a piece of steak left over from a picnic in the forests decomposes.
  All of the dead soft tissue is going to break apart very quickly and won't be able to hold the body together.
  "moving in hordes"
  a horde could be a problem for the few hours that they are coordinated enough to move until dehydration sets in.
  "Pure brain rot instead of flesh rot...what would I do...I would be throwing all the books from my personal library at them"
  this is a great idea, very poetic retaliation.
- i remember being pretty concerned during trump 1 when the US withdrew from the UNESCO literacy program, but it was barely a footnote to anyone
Have you read Mira Grant's Newsflesh series? It's the ultimate realistic zombie story.
- ooh, no, thank you very much, I'll check it out now.
Finally, another "No magic zombies" person!
What are your thoughts on a "28 X Later" style scenario? Where the they're still subject to injuries/starvation/etc, and the risk is more due to the sheer speed of the infected, ability to ignore pain in the short term, and asymptomatic carriers of the disease?
- 28 is probably my favorite zombie series, and those zombies are heavily magic.
  moving super fast and uncoordinated means rapid dehydration coupled with injuries, blood loss and tissue loss and damage.
  their bodies can't endure that kind of activity for more than a couple hours, and they'll rapidly render themselves immobile, deteriorate and decompose. there aren't going to be any zombies milling around inside houses or crawling around in fields 28 weeks later.
  asymptomatic carriers are normally accounted for with any new pathogen, and with the rapid deterioration, incapacitation and death of any symptomatic infected, there aren't going to be major societal collapses.
  asymptomatic carriers are going to be an important vector of disease to account for as soon as the disease is recognized, and they'll have to be separated from the rest of society as a vaccine is developed, but given the rapid onset, obvious symptoms, rapid deterioration of the symptomatic carriers and physical transmissibility, a short quarantine period indicates there aren't going to be many asymptomatic carriers.
  rabies is a good example, because it's basically 28 days later zombies in real life.
  extremely contagious, no cure, carriers become very violent but uncoordinated, they are fast for a very brief period of time but fundamentally incapacitated after a few hours because of dehydration and tissue damage, and then die.
  conditions like transmissibility and natural human resistance make the 28 scenario unrealistic but for the most part, the rapid deterioration of the symptomatic carriers is the silver bullet here.
  they are still great movies and I'm very excited to see 28 years later next month.

For me that's a no-brainer.

My jaw dropped

Honestly? Probably die

Relevant XKCD : https://xkcd.com/599/

My plan, in its entirety:

BRAAAAINS!!!

I've found the zombie!

Die, I guess. On the off chance that I survive the first few days, try to build a civilization.

I feel like that in this timeline we should already start and try to build a civilization

Hoard toilet paper.

Also, buy truckloads of hand sanitizer

Devouring as many brains as possible, I guess.

#teamzombie

My friends have had plans for this situation since highschool. We meet at our buddies house in the woods. We commandeer one of his neighbors tanks (his neighbor has one of the largest private collection of tanks). We take said tank (which can run off pretty much any liquid that burns) and drive it to SF where we then forcibly take control of a ferry and drive ourselves and the tank with enough supplies to sustain ourselves for at least a month on Alcatraz.

We figure by the end of the month most zombies will have decayed beyond mobility and should any other humans attempt to join us that we don't want on the island with us.... Well we have a tank.

How are you going to get the Tanks away from the neighbor? They can fight you off... They have tanks.
- Oh he liked all of us. We used to help him set up his 4th of July demonstration for the neighborhood every year where he would fire a tank shell into the mountainside along with some fire works . We talked to him about our plan on more than one occasion.
Are you sure the ferry could take the tank?
- Tanks are heavy for sure but they aren't THAT much heavier than a handful of cars. Plus if it's just for protection against zombies and other humans on foot we wouldn't need a heavily armored one.

Realistic zombies: do nothing, it will pass quickly, or I will catch it too. If I don't catch it I shelter on place for a few days

Movie zombies of any kind: kill myself, I'm not delusional, that world sucks and my chances are tiny

How do realistic zombies look like?
- Like corpses. And corpses don’t tend to be particularly strong or fast once they start rotting. Unless there’s some sort of magic involved to stop the decomposition process, they’ll likely all die out as they rot. The fresher zombies will take a few weeks to become inert, but that’s a blip in the radar in the grand scheme of things.
  But the bigger issue then becomes what caused it. If it was something like a prion disease, (like Mad Cow Disease) then you’re likely fucked even after the zombies all rot; Prions don’t decompose, and (if the zombie outbreak was big enough) you’re almost guaranteed to catch it via dirty soil exposure (either directly, or via tainted produce that was grown where a zombie died) eventually.
- My head cannon for "realistic" zombies. is Mel Brooks', the writer of 'zombie survival guide and 'world war z' (no relation to the movie or the game) esque zombies.

Hope they are vegan zombies.

https://lemmy.ml/post/6635488

I'm not telling you my plan zombie, but rest assured, once you're defeated, we'll all get taken out by some zombie-denier anyways.

Once we start to hear about the zombie outbreak I will go door to door on my street and form a militia. Arm everyone with pike and spear to fight and practice fighting in formation. Picks and shovels to make earth barriers and spikes to slow and funnel the zombies.

!zombiesurvival@sopuli.xyz

Thanks! I love talking about this kind of stuff, even if it is really silly and never going to happen, it's fun to pretend.
- The way I see it, if you’re prepared for a zombie apocalypse, you’re pretty much prepared for anything. It’s really just another way of saying “worst-case scenario.” The people who enjoy thinking about this kind of stuff are basically preppers or survivalists who just find it more engaging to plan for a zombie outbreak than something more “mundane” like an EMP, pandemic, or natural disaster.

Popcorn, in general. But recently I don't watch that many of these movies anymore.

Probably start eating brains. Too close to a major population center to think I'd get out and away without being bitten at least once or twice.

"I would just die" has always been my plan too.

I plan to go insane and live in the woods with a bone in my hair

Can we be insane hair bone pals?
- Absolutely! I'll have your bone ready when you arrive

I kinda want to know how Max Brooks would have concluded World War Z now, after COVID, since it was based on theoretical data about how quickly the world would stop a pandemic, so the zombie shit only lasted a few weeks in the book.

Assuming i had prepared a few weeks of instant noodle and food and cat food, and the zombie are just evolved rabies that's also slow, just don't open my front gate, stay indoor with my cats and lock my front door. They're not gonna breach my window because of grille. Wait a week or so before going out. My home is in a residential area that's quite far away from the city, so i guess most people around me just gonna stay at home and be fine.

i guess most people around me just gonna stay at home and be fine.
Were you born since covid or smth?
- In my country, people stay at home and wear mask when outside just fine, vaccination is going as smooth as one can expect from in time of global crisis. Not to mention this is an imaginary crisis of zombie apocalypse, people will stay at home after seeing what it do. Are you sure it's not just your countrymen that's the issue?

I'm gonna eat a lot of brains until the protagonist blows my head off with an unrealistic shotgun.

Wall of my parents' tiny neighborhood and use it as a compound. They have major river access and there are plenty of big yards for agriculture. There's also plenty of blue collar workers to do a lot of hands-on stuff. I'd be in charge of animal husbandry since I'm really good at it. My mom would do plants.

Slow zombies? I'd do my very best to get back home. I moved for work so I'd do a cross country road trip to get back home. I think slow zombies would be easy to avoid if you plan and be very careful. Fast zombies on the other hand is a different story. Left 4 dead zombies? Probably die and become a boomer or a spitter.

Zombies?

Look around. We're in an apocalypse right now.

You need zombies to make it real?

As an American I have two apocalypse plans. If it's zombies, guns are cheap and easy to get. Not for killing the zombies, mind you. I only need one bullet. Otherwise, my plans include a camping chair, a bottle of Southern Comfort, and someplace with a good view. I mean it's not like I'm going to survive, so I might as well plop myself down at ground zero and get drunk.

Probably just shoot myself.

Just don't blow out your brains. Leave some food for the rest of us.

Questions (because I have different answers based on their responses).

How much heads up do I get
What type of zombies, do they run or shamble? Infection or magic?

For the time based one, if you have enough of a heads up or are ahead of the panic, go north (does not apply with magic zombies). In America, get your ass to Calgary or Edmonton, for europe Helsinki. Zombies would freeze or slow down in the weather would prevent the majority from reaching your base. If those arnt options, find a location where the enviroment does most of the zombie killing for you.

If you dont have the heads up, you need to find a place to hunker down and set up a base quick. You need to pick a place you can get to without roads, and wont be on less prepared peoples high priority lists. If your in a city, get out, if your in the burbs, you got options, rural people can take their time, but also have the most work to do.

Personally, my zombie plan is to use a local 2-story school, they are designed in such a manner that they wont be broken into easily, you can secure the second story by knocking out the stairs, the field may be enclosed and they will have a nurses office, cafateria and woodshop.

All these preperations mostly apply to Infection zombies and are fine so long as they cant climb. Magic zombies are really going to be situational and surviving them will require knowing their rules. Survival is the name of the game, you cant fight the horde, so again, try and let the eviroment do that for you.

Series of tree houses, live like ewoks, no spider zombies

Shelter in place for a while until decomposition of their muscles makes them completely ineffectual and unable to actually move.

Shouldn't take long.

Go to the Winchester, have a nice cold pint, and wait for this all to blow over.

Go live in the woods and homestead with my family.