The second matchup of the tournament

I'd pick wolf. They generally leave you alone and don't want anything to do with you. I don't know shit about gorillas

Gorillas will tear off your face and testicles AFAIK. Just imagine the depraved shit a human would do to you assuming they could get away with it without repercussion.
They wouldn't hesitate to fuck you up.
- Gorillas are WAY more chill than chimpanzees. Just dint make eye contact and be respectful to the gorilla and it will leave you alone. They know that they are capable of fucking you up, and they know you know.
Especially since it's a single wolf. I don't think I'd choose a pack over the others.
Also, wolves are crap at climbing trees.

I choose the wolf. I already have 2 inside me, they'll just see me as another member of the pack.

Does this forest get smaller over the course of the night like a hunger games arena?

Animal royale
- We should do the opposite of Noah's arc where we put 2 of every animal, including humans, in the Houston Astrodome and have them fight to the death until one emerges.
He didnt say forest. He said Forrest, as in Gump. Maybe Forrest gets smaller as he gets old.
so is this like a storm in a battle royale where once it collapse i win? Except instead of winning, i'm no longer lost?

Wolf. Wolves are naturally shy of humans, and while gorillas are also, gorillas are also much bigger and stronger. If one decides it's mad at you it will pull your limbs off. Or worse. A wolf will try to rip you apart and tear your throat out if it's mad at you, but since it's in a different weight class you might actually stand a chance if you curl up in the fetal position or whack it in the face with a rock.

If Trading Places taught us anything, a gorilla may also fall in love with you

Gorilla? I feel like being super submissive and not making eye contact would probably keep it from tearing off my arms to use as drumsticks? I'm not a gorilla expert though, so anyone who knows more can feel free to tell me. Although I guess with a wolf, you could just climb a tree and be ok, depending on how long you have to stay. Either, I guess. I'm pretty convinced that I'll die trying to pet a wild animal when the moron part of my brain tells me it's friend-shaped, anyway, so whatever.

You're not completely wrong, but if safety is your concern then you should really be operating under the assumption that the animal will attack you. In that case you've chosen a 200 kg gorilla who can climb over a 40 kg wolf who can't. Bears are actually the heavier of the three depending on race and gender, and some of them can climb while others cannot.
- Grizzlies can't climb but if they want to get to you, they'll just dig out the tree you're on.

Wolf attacks on humans are rare but common enough to have their own Wikipedia page, but there's no record of wild gorillas killing anyone.

Which means they're either super chill, or really fucking sneaky about it.

IIRC gorillas are indeed pretty chill if you respect their territorial instincts, as opposed to, say, a chimp that might try to kill you more or less on a whim
- for some reason i find it funny how the animals more related to humans are the more ruthlessly violent ones. apparently bonobos are much more violent than chimps, and orangutans are less violent than gorillas
  it makes me wonder how aggressive early australopithecus was compared. apparently they did a lot of cannibalism so probably at least slightly more than non-australopithecus humans. they probably weren't even close to as aggressive as chimpanzees considering how significantly weaker they were though
Wolves are also a lot more common, though.
- Thanks Obama.
Or they happen in Africa so we don't usually hear about them.
I like big apes.

I'm going Wolf personally. I might have a chance with a wolf, gorillas are stupid strong. No thanks.

Also, you can just climb a tree, it is a forest after all
- Yeah. Wolves suck at climbing trees.

A single wolf is just a big dog. A gorilla can pick you up and tear you in half.

A big dog is fucking scary if it's not trained, and doesn't want snuggles.
- What kind of wolf doesn't want snuggles?
- Yeah, I almost got torn to shreds by a rottweiler. I'd still take the wolf over a gorilla.

Really missed the opportunity to have the top bracket be "Lions" and "Tigers"

Lions, Tigers, and Bears, no man!

Wolf def the safest option. Most likely to leave you alone.

We tamed them once, we can do it again!
Why would you want it to leave you alone?
- So it doesn't feel threatened and try attacking me. I thought that was fairly obvious.

RIP Harambe. 😭

Wolf for sure, you can bribe a wolf a lot easier than a gorilla, you move in a way that gorilla doesn't like and you dead.

A gorilla with a wolf tied to it's back, riding a bear.

Isn't that that survivalist dude that drinks piss? Bear Grilf?
- It could be, he's a master of any environment, and I couldn't ask for a better companion to be alone with in the forest.
Apparently I'm trapped in Australia, which is the only plausible explanation for that type of abomination

Well Todd, it looks like Wolf might be the clear winner in today's matchup but what I think spectators are really want to know is how the next round will fare.

AROOO THE WOLF

HELL YEAH BRÖTHER! WOLVES WILL RESPECT YOUR PERSONAL SPACE AS LONG AS YOU RESPECT THEIRS! THEY COULD ALSO RAISE YOUR YOUNG 'UNS TO FORM ONE OF THE MOST HISTORICALLY AND CULTURALLY RELEVANT CITIES/EMPIRES IN HISTORY! AROOOOOOOOOOO(ME)

The other side of the bracket is all the cuddly ones.

I considered making the other side of the bracket, but figrured the posts would get annoying fast.
Also wolves and bears are cuddly??
- Also wolves and bears are cuddly??
  Absolutely, in theory.

AWOO gimme the wolf

found the pawb social user

Forrest like Gump or Forrest like Nathan Bedford?

Like Whitaker
- 😉

Even though it's the most prolific killer of the animal kingdom, the winner of the competition turned out to be the mosquito.

My wife would probably pick the man over the mosquito. She hates those things because they always seem to seek her out.

Definitely wolf. If I get trapped with a gorilla and some shots it to save me, humanity get will get so much negative karma on top of what we are still paying from 2016 and I won't be able to live with the guilt.

The Tarzan kid part of me wants to say gorilla but the dog person in me would definitely choose the wolf. That's a tough one.

Run, Forrest, run!

Wolf. Not only do I think my chances are better, I'd also feel less bad about trying to fuck up a wolf if I had to

Considering there's basically no chance of fucking up the gorilla, I don't think you'd have to worry about the ethics of the situation.
- I'll admit "trying" was doing a lot of heavy-lifting in that sentence ;)

I picked man over bear because man probably won't eat you. But if gorilla is a choice, that wins. Gorilla is friend as long as you keep your head low and he knows he's the boss. Also don't suprise him.

because man probably won't eat you.
that's why I dumped my last boyfriend
- he ate you? Damn, that's rough.
cancels surprise birthday party for Koko Jr
- 🥳
To be clear, I'm not trying to get into a man v bear debate here. But, like, a man could still kill you, right? Is that better than being eaten? I mean, I guess it's probably less likely. I'm no expert on bears or random forest men.
- Im betting on the fact that humans have baked in altruism. We want to help each other. As a kid I got stuck in the forrest with my dirt bike and a gnarly looking guy helped me get home with his truck. It was a scary experience and it was a risk. I think most people are basically good. Men just have the strength to act on it when they are bad people.
- But, like, a man could still kill you, right? Is that better than being eaten?
  I mean generally being eaten entails entrails leaking out, whereas getting killed could entail any number of things. Neck snap, choked out, slit throat, whatever. I dunno if your average idiot man is gonna be as proficient of a killer as a bear, even if they happen to be a murderer or like, just evil, right, so, I dunno. Kind of a toss up. Me personally, I would rather not have my guts spilled out, ribcage crushed, spine snapped, bones gnawed on while I'm still conscious, slowly lose blood and lose consciousness over the course of 30 minutes to an hour. I mean I guess theoretically a man could do those things too, but I dunno many men that could. Maybe like, the mike tyson of 40 years ago?
  I guess the argument I'm making hinges on the idea that humans are generally bad at killing in a physiological sense, and their need to kind of, up themselves in the game means that they tend to get filtered into a bunch of more painless and efficient approaches relative to the kind of uncaring cruelty of nature more generally. But then I dunno, humans also have a capacity for needless cruelty and torture, so I'd also be betting my chances that I don't get shafted and stuck with like, a super jacked serial killer that can torture me with their bare hands, which there's probably only like 2 or 3 of in the world. Maybe more if you include government contracted ones.
The bear also isn't going to rape you and I would say the chances of the bear eating you and the man eating you are the same.
- You forgot to change accounts before posting again 🐻
- Bear detected
- Just make sure you have marshmallows

Are we talking a sign language-using gorilla with a pet kitty or...?

A random one, so most likely not

Trick question, Wolf is a male surname.

I would choose wolves because i have experience with dogs which are close enough to wolves

I am inexperienced with gorillas or any other primate

or any other primate
You've never encountered other humans?
- They're inexperienced with them

This takes me back to "gorilla, man, gun," which was basically the baptist youth camp version of rock, paper, scissors. (It probably exists outside of that context, that's just where I always played it shrug)

How does that work? Gorilla kills man? Gun kills Gorilla? but what's the man/gun outcome? Because gun also kills man

Do I have treats for the wolf?

Wolf not wolves? Sure I can use a new pet I guess.

Probably wolf.

Is there gonna be a loser's bracket for this tournament?

what are you doing out here alone, Moon-moon?

GOD DAMNIT MOON MOON

What? But we can keep the fire running if we have 2 people...

Wolf 100%. It's without its pack and I'd have some chance to fight it off. A gorilla would tear me in half.

You'd probably have some chance of becoming part of its pack if you were careful.
Or it'd just rip your throat out...
Why all this violence?

rabid coyote vs hungry tiger

With a tiger you’re just defacto dead on first contact.
HYDROGEN BOMB
VERSUS
COUGHING BABY
GO!!!
cough... cough
massive explosion
- ...did the baby win?

BBROROOO

KING KONG

But the question wasn't if we'd rather be trapped with a bear or man, but rather if who we would like to meet in a forest randomly.

Wolf is the best option.

Both would be skittish if you stand your ground but judging by size, one would probably be easier to convince to leave you alone.

wolf, considering they don't fucking exist anymore (in the US at least, also im sure they still do, just not in significant number)

Also i don't like gorillas, they can eat shit.

I thought they tried reintroducing wolves to yellowstone, no?
- probably, no clue. Would be a pretty good environment for them though.
They exist
- to my understanding they do exist, just in significantly less numbers than they used to, leading to the problem with deer populations that we have now, though i could very well be mistaken about that.
wolf, considering they don’t fucking exist anymore (in the US at least
As apposed to the famous North American Gorilla?
- i know, that was also part of why it was funny.

All these answers about potentially killing the other party just makes the bear answer so logically stupid in every situation. No human could fight a bear but if a woman needed to kill a man it would be a much more believable scenario.

Can men participate as judges in the tourney, this time?

Wolf. It's a singular wolf, so it honestly cannot beat me if it tried. Even if we assume the other two are more docile, all they need to do is try and I would be dead.

You think you can take on a wolf? They aren't chihuahuas you know.
- I know I can't take on a gorilla. I might be able to take on a wolf lol.
Your chances of beating a wolf are low enough that you'd probably be better off with the quick death the other two would provide.
- I've dealt with wolves at the wildlife sanctuary before. They're big stupid smelly dogs. If you can flex your arm real good they won't be able to tear into you, and if you can put your weight on them you've already won.
  Definitely don't recommend it for people with brittle bones, or discord mods, but I'm jacked af bro.
Wolf. It’s a singular wolf, so it honestly cannot beat me if it tried. Even if we assume the other two are more docile, all they need to do is try and I would be dead.
lol at this

Men's lib and men's rights are vastly different groups
I think you're confused. The men's lib community is a progressive, feminist-supporting space focused on giving men an opportunity to discuss matters of vulnerability and struggle. They try to help people struggling with mental issues hard times, and discuss how to counter toxic masculinity type shit.
I'm not involved in the Lemmy community but I used to check out the Reddit one back when I still got on there. The toxic neckbeard shit that's up in arms about the overblown man v bear shit is the MRA ("men's rights") group.
wut.
I say this as a man, get fucked neckbeards. Go cry to mommy, the only woman that’ll ever love you
i recommend you go read my post history.
Don't ignore the schizophrenic shit i post, it'll only piss you off more :)