Solutions? Where we're going, we don't need solutions.

Every programming language has it's place.

JavaScript's place is in hell.

I used to think Javascript was hell when I barely used it. Now I have to build with it regularly and... once in a while I'm just right about things.
Ever wanted to be somewhere inbetween java and JavaScript?
Yeah, that's Groovy. Only it's the wrong groove
JS is ironic punishment as a programming language. It's fun to screw around in! And then you have to use it for stuff, and pain ensues.
What makes JavaScript so widely disliked? I know very little of it, and in skimming different stuff I think I've seen like a million different frameworks for it, so is that a part of it?
- It was mostly made for simple scripts to embed on a website for animations and handling updates without refreshing whole page. Not to make a full portable client (browser) side app.
  \ Hating JavaScript is mostly a meme, it's just a programming language. But its very loose syntax, fact it's often someone's first programming language to learn and how most programs written in it nowadays are a hack build on top of a hack on top a hack makes this language easy to laugh at.

Latex: Problem --> \def\please@#1#2#3#4{\e@kill#2#3{\me#1}#4@now} -->

Accurate. LaTeX is great, it makes you feel like you have superpowers compared to "office suite"-style software. But every once in a while you just run into some bullshit that feels like it's stuck in 1985 and it completely breaks your flow. I remember wanting to make a longtable where text in the "date" column would be rotated by 90 degrees to leave more horizontal room for the other columns. It took me two rotateboxes, a phantom, a vspace, a hspace and 40 minutes of my life to get the alignment right. Would probably have taken a duckduckgo search and three clicks in Libreoffice.
- btw what do you think about typst?
  i only used it for simple stuff so far but it seems pretty fun and easy to use
- it makes you feel like you have superpowers compared to "office suite"-style software
  Especially the installation process
- I still have no idea how to exit the build process. It tells I need to type H or \end but it also just lies. I find the easiest way is to invoke Ctrl-Z and then kill the background process, and the ~~younglings~~ children
- Funnily enough I had a similar problem but I wanted text instead of a date. In the end I used a solution similar to yours and adjusted each cell entry manually for hours. Feels like there should be a lot simpler solution for this problem in LaTeX. Glad I don't need to use it anymore...
I got way too excited Lemmy parsed LaTeX for a second
- Testing 123
  $$ \sigma $$
  aww.....
You also need that usepackage just like python.

PHP: Problem -> real_solution_for_real_this_time() (real_solution_i_swear() is unsafe and deprecated)

Eh, your statement is accurate for PHP4 and still relevant up to PHP5.2... We're on PHP8.3 now and PHP8.0 is now out of security updates. I know it's trend to hate on PHP but you've got to at least update your materials to var-vars... it's like knocking node for having substr() and substring().
- trend to hate on PHP
  2 years ago I tried to give a drupal project the ci/cd makeover (i.e. containers, test-deployments, reproducable builds, etc)... that's when my hate was freshly renewed.
  At this point I think it's ok to let a dead language die and move on to something else (anything else, really)
PHP: Problem -> Laravel -> Solution
- Ahem: Problem -> Laminas -> Solution
mysql_real_escape_string

missing the stage of C where it's all incomprehensible bitfucking with comments like "this works, i do not know why it works, do not touch this"

Real fast inverse square root algorithm hours
- That one is not that complicated if you don't think about the math. It's basically just if we interpret the float as int and add a magic number we have a good estimation.
  From what I remember at least, it's been a little while since I implemented it.
I had this in CSS.
- CSS isn't as bad these days if you use Flexbox. Debugging floats and absolute/relative positioning was a nightmare in comparison.
C should show some overflow corruption of the problem graphic.

Perl:

Problem -> $ @ % <=> <> =()= => ; qw() ])} select(undef, undef, undef, 0.25) =~ tr/.?\w\sREg3xfr0mhe|l/foo/g; $|++ &homebrewedFunction(%$ref, $_ , @_ ) -> solution

Source: I mainly code in perl. I like it, but I'll be the first to admit that it's not a beautiful language.

I was about to make an entry for lisp here, but I don't have enough parentheses to draw the path to the solution.

https://www.foo.be/docs/tpj/issues/vol4_4/tpj0404-0015.html
The Perl Poetry Contest - The Perl Journal, Winter 1999
!/usr/bin/perl

asylum.pl
by Harl
close (youreyes);
bind (yourself, fast);
while ($narcosis) {
&ensp;&ensp; exists $to($calm);
&ensp;&ensp; not calm;
}
accept the, anesthesia;
seek the, $granted, $asylum'
and wait;
stat ically;
unlink and listen (in, $complicity);
for (a, little) {
&ensp;&ensp; system ("sync hronicity");
}
Perl is write-only code. Larry Wall raised a monkey's paw and asked for a language that works the way programmers want. So most Perl is the first thing someone tried, unfiltered by rigid syntax putting your thoughts in order, compiler warnings bringing side effects to mind, or even names forcing you to decide what a variable is. An uncommented Perl script is raw brain patterns displayed as ASCII.
Thank god it runs like crap. We'd be in so much trouble if it was fast. Optimized C isn't exactly gorgeous, but any project that compiles proves someone looked at the code more than once.
- I love the term "write-only code", it's perfect. I used to love Perl as it felt like it flowed straight from my brain into the keyboard. What a free and magical language.
  So it turned out I had ADHD. Took meds, went back to C/++ with renewed appreciation, haven't touched Perl since as it horrifies me to look at it. What a nightmare of dangling references and questionable typing. Any language that allows you to cast a string to a function and call it really needs to sit down and think about what it's doing.
Over the top tone: "Pretty sure that won't compile. $EVAL_ERROR modulo what you get from the filehandle called = isn't an lvalue that can be put through the Goatse operator that I'm aware of."
But seriously(?), I'm almost certain that's not how that would be parsed. = isn't a valid bareword, so Perl would choke on the spaceship operator not being a term... I think.
After testing... It's worse. I think it's parsing <> as the glob operator and = as a filespec.
For those who don't know Perl:
Because of its appearance, <=> really is called the spaceship operator (at least, when it can be parsed as an operator and not whatever happened above).
=()= by comparison has unofficially been called Goatse. If you don't know what Goatse is, find out at your own risk. If you do know, you can see why this particular pseudo-operator was given that name.
And if you're still reading, =()= is a pseudo-operator because it's not actually parsed as part of the syntax. It's literally an assignment operator = followed by an empty list () followed by another assignment operator =, providing list context to the outside of the equals signs that wouldn't otherwise be there.
[Why are you still still reading?] Context is important in Perl. If a function returns a list of values (which is something Perl functions can do) and you try to store the result in a scalar variable, replacing the usual = with =()= will store the number of elements returned rather than the last element of the list.
- It's not supposed to be compilable. It's more intended as a list of weird looking (but valid and useful) perl stuff.
  As for the goatse operator, I've mostly used it for counting amount of regex matches.
  Oh, and I forgot the diamond operator. Added.
I was hired twice to write Perl, both times switched my department to something else after a few years.
Perl is good for command line processing, and absolutely god awful read-only magic hacks. Nothing else.
- Perl is fine, provided that you never have to touch someone elses code.
Be honest: you just mashed your fist on the keyboard, didn't you?
I personally never understood how anyone could find Perl appealing or even "good" to program in, probably because I could never understand wtf the code was meant to do

C: "Segmentation fault."

Where?

C: 🤷🏻

C: gestures vaguely everywhere
- C++: "You just pointed to all of me."
Then you open the core file with GDB and hope the stack is not smashed.
- I don't know why, but I still can't open a core file without going I'm in. I don't do QA, though, and so tinkering with final breath of my program frozen in time maintains some novelty.
gdb -> where

python is like that. someone waay smarter than you have already done this 10 years ago.

Idk I still like writing my own stuff purely pythonic when I can. Pythons syntax is the most “fun” and “natural” for me so I find it fun. Like doin a sudoku puzzle
- I can't get over the load-bearing whitespace.
That's true of basically all problems you deal with in programming. Unless you're truly bleeding edge you're working on a solved problem. It'll be novel enough that you can't out-of-the-box it but you can definitely use the tools and paths everyone else has put together.
Part of why I like kotlin as a language. It has so many tools built right in.

C# Solution -> .sln

(brought to you by .net gang)

OK rust made me laugh

Yeah that one got me too. Rust has tons of c libs wrapped in safe rust.
- I was mainly thinking about how so many Rust projects advertise very loudly that they're written in Rust. Like, they would have -rs in the name, or "in Rust" as part of their one-line description. You rarely see this kind of enthusiasms for the the language in other languages. Not a bad thing by the way! And also there's the "rewrite it in rust" meme, where people seem to take perfectly functional projects and port them to Rust (again, not a bad thing! Strength in diversity!)
I'd even say Rust is python but gone through format!("{}-rs", problem)

C --> segfault --> new problem

Sry, the best I can do on mobile
- 🙉 it's perfect!
- It's good

The line between problem and solution for C should be 30 miles long.

...with 19 bugs 9 of which are exploitable.
- And one bug that one person found once but is not reproducible
It lacks a lot of malloc() 🤣
- and not enough frees

i feel like javascript could also be

Problem -> solution -> 3 days pass -> all dependencies had breaking changes made -> problem

Python one is accurate. Most of our problems are solved by importing a library and writing the line, librarySolver.importedFunction.SolveMyProblem()

def main(): Print('thanks librarySolver')

Advent of code 2023 day 24 part 2. Z3 solver saved the day on that one.
Now I have PTSD every time I see an hailstorm.
- So many solver solutions that day, either Z3 or Gauss-Jordan lol. I got a little obsessed about doing it without solvers or (god forbid) manually solving the system and eventually found a relatively simple way to find the intersection with just lines and planes:
  Translate all hailstones and their velocities to a reference frame in which one stone is stationary at 0,0,0 (origin).
  Take another arbitrary hailstone (A) and cross its (rereferenced) velocity and position vectors. This gives the normal vector of a plane containing the origin and the trajectory of A, both of which the thrown stone must intersect. So, the trajectory of the thrown stone lies in that plane somewhere.
  Take two more arbitrary hailstones B and C and find the points and times that they intersect the plane. The thrown stone must strike B and C at those points, so those points are coordinates on the line representing the thrown stone. The velocity of the thrown stone is calculated by dividing the displacement between the two points by the difference of the time points of the intersections.
  Use the velocity of the thrown stone and the time and position info the intersection of B or C to determine the position of the thrown stone at t = 0
  Translate that position and velocity back to the original reference frame.
  It's a suboptimal solution in that it uses 4 hailstones instead of the theoretical minimum of 3, but was a lot easier to wrap my head around. Incidentally, it is not too hard to adapt the above algorithm to not need C (i.e., to use only 3 hailstones) by using line intersections. Such a solution is not much more complicated than what I gave and still has a simple geometric interpretation, but I'll leave that as an exercise for the reader :)

for the ones missing the marvelous HTML, I gotchu bro:

<problem />

Add css, and the problem looks really pretty now
- Problem
Obligatory "Hyper Text Markup Language is a markup language, not a programming language"
- HTML+CSS Has been turing complete for some time now.
self closing tags is not the HTML way

Actual C: Problem → Segmentation fault

Actual Problem: C → Segmentation Fault
- Actual Problem: C → Segmentation Fault?

Didn't see any mention yet, so... Useless use of cat!

I’ve seen this before but don’t accept it myself. There are cases where you just wanted to cat. In this case, maybe to review the problem. Then you want to extend the command. Preserving it in the next commands where you start stacking on pipes is useful since it can be fewer strokes and maintain a habit.

C:

Problem → return Solution;

C++:

Problem →

    
const [auto]&& (Problem&& problem) noexcept(noexcept( Solution<Problem>{}(std::forward<Problem>(problem)) )) { return Solution<Problem>{}(std::forward<Problem>(problem)); } -> decltype( Solution<Problem>{}(std::forward<Problem>(problem)) )

C:

return *(solution_t*)&problem;
- Maximum optimization!
But this doesn't return the Solution. You don't invoke the lambda.
(Or does C++ have implied returns now? Last I heard there was implied move)
- Actually I do; it's the {} that initializes the lambda, and the parenthesis after invokes.
  That said, it would have been fun.

It's ironic that the illustration for JavaScript is probably the most realistic and best solution IRL. In the sense that a lot of what problem solving is (which is a big part of software engineer) is breaking a big problem into smaller problems. And you continue doing this until each problem is solvable in a short period of time.

JavaScript sucks though as a language.

I thought it was a jab at all the NPM packages

You're completely correct. But what I meant by that graphic is "poor solutions leading to more problems", not "breaking down problems into smaller ones". It was inspired by a cube drone comic that made the same complaint, but I can't find that particular comic now
Typescript is amazing though.
- I guess I have to defend this one. I personally think Typescript is the better language compared to typed Python or Ruby (two comparable languages based on how they are all used). Modern Javascript actually have a lot of nice language features, the only issue is the lack of types. Typescript doesn't entirely solve the problem but it's a decent attempt at it. A good typescript repo is decently readable, testable and performant enough for most use cases.
- Typescript is wasted on JS. Currently getting a JS certification while porting an action script 3 project to JS, ActionScript 3 was the better language.
JavaScript is a great language until you ask it to do more than toggle a div or send a request to the server

JS is basically the Hydra from the Greek Mythology.

Though PHP is literally the problem had me lol.

Java:

Problem -> NullPointerException.

More like
Problem → new ProblemSolverFactory().createProblemSolver().solveProblem();
- Exactly. And configured by 5000 lines of brittle XML.
- Needs more Beans and AbstractFactoryFactory
- No internal logging framework/facade used!
- And then it throws a NullPointerException.
Great! The problem is lost in the memory. That means it doesn't exist anymore right? Right?

python -> Import solver (C) -> Solution

If you're catting a file into a grep, you can go.

I mean good point, but if I'm just using bash as a shell and not writing a script, I'm probably first previewing the contents of a file with cat anyway, and recalling the last command and appending a | grep <pattern> to it is less keystrokes than re-writing the last command into grep <pattern> <file>. Especially if you're playing around with the pattern and trying to get it right, it's nice to have the pattern at the end of the line.
If you're piping any of those commands to or from awk, you can also go.

Someone do java hahaha

Problem -> AbstractProxyFactory<SolutionProvider
<BaseProblem>
>

PHP -> Problem -> Replace the developer -> Solution.

Yes PHP was bad in 5.x, in 8.x if things go bad it's just the developer who's bad.

Racket: problem - > #lang solution

I never understood this logic:

“I know nothing about this subject, I’m gonna post a meme (a funny graphic usually about a specific topic, this one outlining the differences between languages) but I know nothing about the subject and will ask that nobody correct me or try to apply rationale here because I choose to be ignorant and have no interest in expanding my knowledge of the world and people around me, I just want people to tell me I’m funny and give me internet points”

To each their own ig

...but it's funny (although it would've been funnier if C was "Problem -> Buffer Overflow")
- If you have never had a segmentation fault, then you have never programmed in C
- Yeah it’s a funny meme, was specifically pointing out the post text though not the meme specifically/directly
We need a SeniorProgrammerHumor community. Less jokes about quitting vim and programming languages and more about every day funny issues.
- We no longer have humor, it's been beaten out of us by code reviews and merge conflicts.
- People tried that on Reddit. We got a handful of jokes, but nobody had time to laugh of them or post new ones.
- We need a SeniorProgrammerHumor community
  to get an invide you must have at least 5 years of verifyable lemmy-experience
I believe the idea is to potentially induce a brief nasal snort possibly accompanied by a slight upward curling of the lips in those casually scrolling by. In other words, it's a joke, being posted on a joke community.
- A coding humor community, if you gotta post about it, you should probably expect it.
  We’re adults, we can joke about stuff and also talk about stuff… unless you’re not which would still be okay because I wouldn’t be interested in discussion then
I never understood this logic
You’re looking for logic in a joke.
Do you question why Donald Trump, the pope and a kid are the only passengers on a plane that’s about to crash?
- I bet it was an orgy.
- You’re misunderstanding my text.
  The joke is funny, telling people not to respond because “it’s just a joke” is cringe.
  We can talk about reality and also joke about stuff.
if you don't understand memes, you're in the wrong place
CC BY-NC-SA 4.0
- Says the person posting the lemmy equivalent of the facebook copypasta after their comments.
- This is not Reddit tho.
@stevedidwhatinfosec @renzev I agree in principle but this meme is unironically accurate?
- To the point that I'm doubting the OP's non-knowledge.
  He must know at least a lot of C++... But I disagree with the PHP one; it always transforms the problem, never leaves it alone. And transforms it very productively.
- Again, I’m referring to OPs message. Not the meme itself, which was funny.
Geez relax lol. Just downvote it and move on.
- Why does everyone always assume you have to be fuming to bring up something goofy you saw lmao
  Y’all are the ones who need to chill apparently
Hello JavaScript user 🙃
- Hello angry underpaid programmer
- Ew.
  Also, terrible attempt at a strawman, you didn’t even try lol. Unsurprising response tho from king shallow over here