If someone gave you a 1-800 number for free, what would you do with it?

"Thank you for calling the U.S. nuclear arsenal command system. To launch nuclear missiles, press one. Para Español, marque dos."

Just to screw with people more, "... Para Español, marque uno."
Fire ze missiles!
- But I am le tired!

Two chicks at the same time.

Fuckin' A.
- My cousin broke, don't do shit.
I get what kind of chicks would double-up on a dude with a million dollars, but I'm suddenly VERY curious about the kind of chicks that would do that for a dude with a 1-800 number.
- Entrepreneurial ones, I guess. They hear about a magic bottomless phone line and see an arbitrage opportunity.
- Two chicks who call that number and independently report they'd be down for a completely anonymous FFM three-way - and follow through?
  It could happen, life's a weird thing, but there's unicorns and then there's this. If everyone leaves without a disease and with all their kidneys they should probably go buy lottery tickets.

What does 1-800 number mean? I guess it's an USA thing, isn't it?

A 1-800 number is immune to long distance charges, free to call by anyone in the US— the owner of the 800 number pays any fees associated with the call. Traditionally, 800 numbers are owned by companies in order to sell stuff. (The 1- portion of a 1-800 number means that it’s a long distance call… which was a thing when I was growing up in the 80s/90s, but basically isn’t a thing anymore in the age of cellphones)
The opposite of an 800 number is a 900 number. The person calling a 900 number has to pay, usually by minute, and most of that money goes to the owner of the 900 number. Famously used for phone sex lines.
- To add to this, the 800 part is effectively an international convention for toll free numbers at this point. Most countries use either "800", "0800", or "1800". On top of that the +800 country code is used for international toll-free numbers, but AFAIK it only works in a few countries.
- The 1- portion of a 1-800 number means that it’s a long distance call
  The 1 is the Country Code for the US. If you are dialing outside the US, you would start with the Country Code for the country you are calling. If you are outside the US dialing a US number, you start with a 1 to designate that the number is within the US.
- So it's a really expensive phone number to own? I would sell or delist it.
- Are long-distance charges a thing anymore? I haven't paid any fees for domestic long distance in over a decade - I thought they were extinct.
  800 is really just an easy-to-remember area code for businesses now, aren't they? Like .com.

Well, is it a vanity number or just a bunch of random digits?

Let's say you have a 50/50 chance of getting your choice of a vanity number or a randomly assigned 800 number - what do you do in either outcome?
- Research the highest selling ever vanity number, consult with the largest vanity number holders, find out what the most expensive vanity number is.
  If I get it, sell it.
  If it's random, ask a bunch of people on Lemmy what their ideas would be if that happened.

Post about it on Lemmy

I would set up a BBS with lots of text based games on it.

But who has a modem to dial it these days?
I probably have an old laptop somewhere with a modem on it, but then my next impediment is I don't have a landline any more.
- Not a lot of people, but there are retrocomputing hobbists who'd probably be stoked to find something like this.
  Apparently you can tunnel through using a VoIP device, but it's not great. Or get a cellular modem (do not know what kind of connection quality you'd have in 2024, or if it's even a real option).
  The other option would be finding an old payphone that works with an acoustic coupler. See here (Wayback link as on my phone, direct one doesn't seem to work on all browsers, fine in Firefox but host pretends the site doesn't exist in my default one that opens in Jerboa*)
  https://web.archive.org/web/20220520161806/http://wrybread.com/WryRoad/gadgets/coupler.htm
  I am admittedly a giant dork, but a quest to try and find a payphone that still exists AND you could actually do this with sounds fun. Seeing someone sitting next to a payphone with a buncha wires and a computer would be some high weirdness I can get behind.
  *Sidenote: Anyone know how to change the default brower Jerboa on Android uses?

1-800-DRUIDIA

Not use it, as much as I don't use all my other numbers

If I could, just use it for any and every single service that requires you to sign up using a phone number and don't allow things like VoIP.

Otherwise, I ain't got no use for it.

Never answer it unless they texted me first.

Just use it as my phone number.

https://dialasong.com/

“Put that fork down. You can do it. The urge will go away in 30 minutes. Be strong. Wait a while. Eat an egg. Wait a while longer. Be strong. You are doing it. Love yourself being strong.”

Play music over it, mostly metal.

Well, I already have the power to announce stuff for free here by creating a community, so I guess I'd use it the same way I use Lemmy: telling people about free video games

Nobody uses the phone system anymore. It's all app based voip calls now.

A 1800 number might be good for a business, maybe a bail bondsman

Most phone plans are unlimited calling nowadays, at least where I live. I use phone calling all the time. Especially WiFi calling, the sound is great.
- Wifi calling is voip, but regardless I'm glad the phone works for you.

I actually have a toll free number. I was going to potentially use just for a goofy project, however once robodialers find out you have a working number you might get a flood of spam calls. This sucks because you(as the toll free owner) are billed for any minutes for calls that connect to you.

Someone would have to foot those bills and that’s really how you’d only get a 1-800 number “for free”.

That sucks - though depending on the provider (I've been digging around on this), there are some that offer unlimited minutes as part of their monthly/annual package. Not all, though, and those seem to be on the pricier end (though in the grand scheme of things, not crazy expensive).
I can't believe it took me two days to ask the obvious - as someone toying with some goofy project ideas themselves, what was yours?
- I shouldn’t have even said or eluded to any kind of real project - just more of a loose idea. I wanted to set up something similar to Lenny but not necessarily for the same application against telemarketers. Just wanted to tinker around but never got off the ground - mostly because of some painful stupidity on my part trying to set up FreePBX and deleting my whole HDD accidentally.
  What was yours?
I thought that was what's being implied.
- And yes, 100% free in this magical scenario, no paying for the number, minutes etc.

Gangster Party Line

https://youtu.be/Cx1J2CzNnS8

https://youtu.be/nqs6wiHK99M

I fucking crying! Haven't seen that in years!
Here is an alternative Piped link(s):
https://piped.video/Cx1J2CzNnS8
https://piped.video/nqs6wiHK99M
Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.
I'm open-source; check me out at GitHub.

I’d probably call it when my car breaks down

If it's magically free, is it also magically permanent?

An audio-based SSH client, maybe. It could be used for good or evil, but at this point any open SSH connection is regularly targeted anyway. It'd be really neat to be able to do whatever computer task over an old landline or one of the remaining payphones.

Magically permanent if you want it to be/give some "Yes I'm still using it" feedback to the shadowy organization giving it to you. Otherwise it's active for one year.
- Oh, good. I was asking because otherwise it's the sort of thing that they'd try to shut down the first time it was misused.

Fart sounds

I'd play the Nickelodeon theme song on repeat at 180 decibels for as long as the caller is on the line.

If they hang up, a voicemail will be sent to them that contains... you guessed it, the Nickelodeon theme song at 180 dB. It will be played only once in this case.

Truly what an ingenious way to fry your phone's earpiece/speaker in addition to your ears and those of everyone around you within at least a kilometer of distance, all by listening to a too loud overamplified distorted rendition of those 5 notes known to be associated with Nickelodeon. I'd go to jail for causing such a disaster (both for "ear terrorism" AND copyright infringement).

I've been thinking about phones a lot lately - payphones in particular.

Warning: link to novel-length rambling follows - like to the point I'm giving little section names, a title and everything, and had to toss it into a pastebin thing (but not pastebin, it looks like they didn't like my use of the word fuck or something) rather than this comment like I intended.

Basically, it's an invitation to waste some time. It can be summed up by "Idk, I'd make a weird voicemail or PBX system and leave the number at remaining payphones, I guess. That could be fun."

https://pastes.io/paoqsezsjn

I don't care if someone gave it to me for free. I still wouldn't call whatever number they gave me! For that matter, I wouldn't pay them to give me a number either.

Assume you are given a 1-800 number for your own use - people can call it and reach whatever you set up (you directly, a voicemail box, a phone menu set up, a dialup connection, whatever). The number is free and your minutes are unlimited.
Would you use it? If so, what for?
- No means no.