Not trying to downplay any efforts going into this, but coming from mac, working a lot in unix shells, using mainly debian based systems only via command line, i just don't understand why not a single operating system is able to get anywhere close to macos in terms of design consistency, performance on UI.. It just feels REALLY BAD trying to work on windows or any linux distro
Maybe you have to ask yourself if it really matters that much to you, to host a party and do stuff your relevant others do. Sometimes when you actually feel better with having the life you have maybe thats a good thing. Often times the feeling of not being the person you think you should be makes you feel worse than just being true to yourself.
Do what makes you happy, even if that doesn‘t satisfy the wishes of your 21 y/o self :)
You‘re positivity is making my week