thefartographer @ thefartographer @lemm.ee

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1

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3,126

Joined

2 yr. ago

Hubba hubba!

Now you gotta prove it

Amen. In this economy, that bag of dicks could feed a family of 7.

Why are you sending your money to Hamas? That's a bad retirement plan, too. You're supposed to stuff all your money into your mattress.

That's why you spend the first 20 years of your career buying various mattresses, so that you'll have enough storage for when you retire as a billionaire. And when the government wants you to pay for taxes, you just send them a mattress.

Look, either Grandma is contributing waaaaayyyyyyy too much to her 401k, or Grandma's portfolio is tied up in a bunch of small shitty companies or it's all in one slightly less small shitty company. Whatever it is, if Grandma's monthly contributions are enough to have a controlling vote in a company, she needs a new financial advisor.

Ah, so cop qualifications

(°0°)

He's a clown! He's a clown! Hyped up, leaky butt, and fucked around!

Everyone knows it's spiderweb that keeps catching fireflies

Only cuz you asked so nicely. I now give you permission to pay for my extensive debts from trying to steal my neighbor's yard.

Out of respect for you, I said "go fuck yourself" while I upvoted your comment.

I'm a Texan—we don't get annexed. Period.

We just get in over our heads in war and then beg a bigger bully to save us before declaring victory.

So, if you're looking to adopt a real winner, I give you permission to ask me to join your country.

As a Jew, I was exposed to a lot of Christmas movies and media with Christian values as a child. Guess what? Still Jewish.

Also Bill Nye and Mr. Wizard taught me lots of science. Guess what? Still failed chemistry and still dumb as fuck.

I wanna annex Canada, but, like, as an extension of my house, not my country. Like, I wanna move to Canada, but I'm kinda lazy, so I want Canada to come to me. Hey Canada, if y'all're ever in Texas, gimme a call.

"Wait... You're telling me your grandfather originally built this?"

"Yes. Well, he built a hot rod kit car and I tried fixing it but then realized the wiring harnesses were perfect for stepper motors and couldn't help but notice how flat the floorboards were and...."

Holy shit, what a fucking nightmare! Thank goodness for incredible partners and the ability to go unconscious during shock...

The deep state was the friends we made along the way

The guy who carried a casket through the streets and lead chants that his predecessor was going to be killed just before his predecessor was killed by an emboldened religious radical? How dare you sully his good name!!!

You're absolutely right! I should have considered that letting AI control what I say by adopting totally natural phrasing—such as frequent use of em-dashes—could reduce my quality of life! Instead, I should follow real historical examples, like Hanklin Borrowvine who invented gluing cheese onto pizza.

👠 In conclusion, I should:

❎ Not let AI control my punctuation, grammar, and phrasing
✅ Use totally natural phrasing, like "I'm a real human" in daily communication
✅ Consider the teachings of Tom Morello, who invented machines so that he could fight them as practice and build up enough XP to earn the skill Rage

Guess the option key on my work Mac is gonna get cold and lonely