Pants: Shidded

FUCK YOU!!!!

Poop, sex, squish, uh oh, sister-o, pants shits

Now I'm confused and confused how to pronounce Karspleesh. In my head, I'm pronouncing it Car spleen sh

Why would we punish the criminal when the victims are so much more poor?

Who knew that Trump was so into Hawaiian solidarity. Gonna make the whole nation into an expensive island.

....

No. Like, no....

Never.

Literally no one does that...

Are... Are you okay?

How quickly can you lay eggs? Any non-zero answer is impressive. Negative is almost more confusing than impressive.

Oh, I'm gonna make sure you die on that hill!

First, by building you a lovely house on that hill and a nearby Denny's...

Egads! Do you ever get the feeling of deja Vu? Something like...

Republican-X will fuck issue-Y after promising to not fuck issue-Y.

Maybe the problems aren't the issues... Maybe there's something other common factor that should instead get fucked?

You should consider having more polite thieves. You wouldn't be friends with an asshole, right? So why are you letting yourself get robbed by one?

SMHing my head

When I dispose of my hard drives, I encrypt whatever data is on it with a drill. I've also used an AR-15, a .45 1911, an axe, and a screwdriver.

It turns out you reasonably prevent unintentional data leaks with almost anything and a can-do attitude.

Sure, I could encrypt the data using software. But hear me out: bzzz, bang bang, whomp, clink clink clink.

He does not have genitalia nor a digestive system. While humans have those and experience things such as hunger, horniness, and diarrhea; Captain Planet just itches inside all those areas. Deep inside. Unreachable. An itchiness that starts off dull and tingling, becomes nagging, and eventually crawling and burning.

His home planet is Earth and his powers are bound to Earth

He boils off like a salted slug, screaming in agony at the upper atmosphere where his teen pals can't hear him. Eventually, he evaporates and turns into part of the ozone layer. His consciousness completely ceases to subsist, granting him and Gaia one of the few reprieves from their near-constant agony.

When the Planeteers summon Captain Planet again, the light from each ring forms a 1/5 portion of baby Captain America Planet in Gaia's photonic uterus. This all takes place in the ultraviolet and ultra-sonic frequencies, but fully experienced by Gaia and Captain Planet. As soon as he begins gestating, Captain Planet achieves full cognisance and all experiences from his past lives from birth to death are forced into his rapidly-expanding brain.

Once the birthing process is complete, Gaia's connection to her photonic uterus is severed, leaving her feeling empty and mangled. Gaia gives birth and quickly recovers while rapidly teleporting all over the earth so that bad guys who like to loot and plunder cannot discover and take advantage her monetarily distracted state. Captain Planet then descends into the range of visible and audible frequencies, during which he composes himself as to not frighten the Planeteers.

Gaia tries to control the altitude at which this summoning takes place since any humans who unwittingly pass through will receive an instant sunburn, likely leading to cancer, and their bones will shatter.

Guarantee you that screen grabs of this headline are gonna make the conservative rounds for years and they'll un-ironically tell people to do their own research knowing that their viewers have no critical-thinking skills.

GIMME ALL YOUR LUNCH MONEY, PUNK! DON'T YOU KNOW THERE ARE PEOPLE STARVING WHO CAN'T BUY GROCERIES???

... Now to buy second dessert with this sudden windfall!

Seems like a really bad idea to give swaths of people a common enemy and then taking away the thing that prevents them from feeling like they have nothing left to lose.

I assume so you can throw them just like in the game