ratboy [they/them] @ ratboy @hexbear.net

Posts

2

Comments

34

Joined

2 yr. ago

Hi there, first I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. It's on a much smaller level but I've always struggled with body dysmorphia and clothes shopping is an absolute nightmare, it doesn't help that sizing can vary so greatly between brands and most of what is carried in stores are for "average sized" people.

Anyway, I really think you'll probably have to just shop online AND probably go to a tailor, based on what you've shared about your shape. It sucks, but then you can get something that fits you perfectly and it will probably feel much better than just getting something way oversized that is super baggy in some spots and not in others.

I found this website called Johnny Bigg that carries dress shirts up to an 8X. According to their size charts, an 8x can fit a 69-71" chest, so I'm thinking that you could get away with buying shirts from there, maybe, and bringing them to get tailored. Here is a nice button down shirt from them. It is possible that you might need to buy completely custom made dress pants though. Do you wear your pants over or under your belly? Not sure your exact shape but if you are able to wear pants under it, that might not be preferable for you but can cut down on the size significantly.

Jeez thats a huge cut from Patreon what the hell! Will definitely switch

Are any of the posted platforms better or worse to subscribe to? Patreon is easiest but if there are any percentages taken out etc etc I'll switch it up

I read an article yesterday, may have been from CBS News or something??? It took FOURTEEN PARAGRAPHS before ANYTHING at all was mentioned about the "death to arab" chants and burning of Palestinian flags. Before and after that paragraph it was all talking about jews being chased down in the streets, it's horrifying that people would do this, in ashamed of our country, it was a pogrom....then just casually dropping the real reason it happened. I couldn't believe they even included that info at all

So are you saying that in your daily life you never walk around with your shoulders or arms exposed?

And are you saying that your arms/shoulders are more apt to burn than the rest of your body, or you notice that they tan more easily?

Lolllll Kool-Aid man! That's fair, I'm so used to people automatically dehumanizing homeless people (thanks reddit) that I'm ready to throw hands when the conversation comes up lol. I appreciate you being rational

I'm not a shrink lol I'm a case manager.

I disagree with the idea that so many homeless are so mentally ill that conversing with them isn't worth it. It should take the most minimal ability to read human behavior to see when someone is having a hard time and you shouldn't engage but there are many who don't experience persistent psychosis who you can talk to, or at least give a nod and hello.

Care to explain what you mean by "actual professionals"?

So I work full time with homeless people who deal with mental illness and substance use issues.

If you are struggling with surviving yourself, you can only do what you can do. This world is fucked up and you shouldn't be struggling, and those people on the street shouldn't be in that position either, and it always seems like the burden to assist the poorest in our society is put on to other poor people, because we can actually understand what it's like at least a little.

There may be times when you can only spare some change, other times maybe 5 or 10 dollars. Other times, nothing at all. If you have the ability at all, even the smallest amount can be helpful even if you don't think it will be. But, if you feel hesitant, don't beat yourself up for it. You thinking of giving ANYTHING AT ALL means you're doing more than most people would.

Also, I think it's important to try to let go of the moralistic thinking when it comes to people using the money for alcohol or drugs. People end up using drugs because of mental illness, people gave told me that at least when using they feel like they HAVE a reason why theyre hearing voices and seeing shit and its in their control.Because they lost their job due to becoming disabled and doctors won't prescribe painkillers so they have to find something to numb the pain on the street. They were a foster kid who got kicked out with nothing, no family or friends and we're physically and mentally abused for years so using drugs is the only way they know how to cope.

Another very real story I heard recently as to why someone drowned themselves in liquor for 15 years is because his nephew was playing hide and seek and hid under a pile of clothes in a closet. A fire started in the house; he was searching everywhere for the kid, and was digging and digging but couldn't pull him out before the firemen forced him to leave. So he had to stand there and watch as his nephew burned alive because the firemen would not go back in to get him. You don't know someone's story and why they got to where they are. If you don't want your money going to drugs or alcohol, you can make the choice to not give anyone money on the off chance that they happen to have a substance use issue, but remember they are people too with a lot of trauma.

Crash Bandicoot, Star Ocean 2, Legend of Legaia, Klonoa, Final Fantasy 7 of course, Kingdom Hearts 1

Earthbound, Super Mario World, Chrono Trigger, Donkey Kong Country, Sonic & Knuckles, Bust-a-Move, Vectorman

TENACIOUS D! I unironically listen to their first album a lot lol. Weird Al, obviously. Suburban Lawns, the Aquabats, Reel Big Fish, Green Day (the album Dookie in particular), Presidents of the United States of America, Primus, Mr. Bungle, the Adicts, the King Kahn & BBQ Show, Nobunny, Weedeater, Spazz, Gravy Train!!!, the Pixies, GWAR, King Diamond, Busdriver, MF Doom, Talking Heads

Your mileage may vary with some of these; some don't mean to have a funny shtick but I just find them funny personally

Panty liners is honestly a brilliant idea! I used to go sans underpants but uh, tight jeans is not the jam for that. I think having multiple pairs of pants you rotate through+panty liners would be the best bet.

I'm not familiar with the history of US interest in Ukraine but that does not surprise me. As someone seeing the war happen and knowing it was against Russia I figured it was about the "noble fight against communism" but combined with the fact that an aim is also to be a large scale weapons manufacturer sounds like there is gonna be much much more Imperialism to do besides fighting Russia.

It just kinda tied things together for me yesterday learning about the natural resources in Gaza that Israel is likely after as well as conflicts like the Armenian genocide, the strengthening of US relations with other countries in the area, all of it

I see what you're saying. I didn't intend to make you feel that you needed to explain yourself in the way you did here; I think after reading through your comments again I understood much more clearly where you were coming from, and I appreciate you expanding on that even further for my benefit. My mind isn't changed completely, but you do make very good points that I'd like to reflect on. I also wasn't under the impression that you were trying to make anyone feel bad, and I'm sorry if I came off that way after this last response. I think a lot of my questions and statements were more rhetorical, I wasn't trying to challenge you or change your mind, genuinely. Sometimes the way I express myself can come off more confrontational than it's meant to be (to the exclusion of my first comment to you that was a dick comment and I feel bad for that). Anyway I respect the disengagement, and I appreciate your effort especially if it was frustrating for you, wish it wasn't

Oh my fucking god I just wrote out a big huge thoughtful response to what you said and to your other comments AND IT ALL GOT DELETED FUCK.

Ugh I really cannot bring myself to type it all up again but I definitely want to say: I wasn't trying to engage in bad faith, and I'm sorry if I came off as inflammatory, I wasn't trying to attack you but the language of your posts rubbed me the wrong way. Either way I do owe you an apology for that so my bad.

I went back and more carefully read through all of your posts. Over all, I definitely agree with your positions in general on exploitation, abuse, objectification, etc. I just disagree that the focus on sex work will ameliorate all of those problems as women and others are objectified and abused outside of sex work, that abuse wouldn't stop if sex work were to stop, violence will be perpetrated in other ways. To me addressing misogyny is the bigger fish to fry as that could either make sex work obsolete, or make it into something safe where people can engage in it with actual consent and agency. But we have no idea what the outcome would be until we are in a position where the impositions of capitalism and the patriarchy are addressed. Also I did appreciate your points about women and misogyny and that got me thinking about women being willing accomplices to men in trying to perpetuate violent oppression against women in order to be "not like the others". I also appreciated your point about treating a hobby as a job and that's something I want to think about, and learn more about necessary vs unnecessary labor.

Trans-women are women and women are not your fetish or kink they are people my friend.

This kinda feels like an insinuation that I don't think trans women are women and that's not my position. I mentioned "people of different genders", I didn't single out trans women in that sentence.

edit: another thought: so I definitely believe that the voices of sex workers should be front and center in these conversations, but under communism, generally, it would be the voice of the greater majority that would dictate what is and isn't good for the group, right? I would assume that the majority of sex workers would want to abolish it since many are forced either by another individual or by economic circumstance. In that case we can absolutely do without it, and that small minority that engage in it because they just enjoy it, should be able to sacrifice it for the betterment of the community.

Double edit: eesh I went back and re-read my comment and yeah that was a rude ass comment, embarrassing

Sorry, I didn't mean to come off hostile but in re-reading what I wrote I can totally see that, I'll try to do better moving forward.

To the first thing, I think I was framing this with the context that sex work is a creation of the patriarchy and serves to perpetuate misogyny, sexism and exploitation. In response to this, I would think that focusing on the patriarchy, re-educating men and providing a much bigger emphasis on dismantling those violent concepts, then the nature of sex work would be fundamentally changed. It may even resolve itself, since there wouldn't be pressure, coercion, and potentially there would not be a want for it as it stands now.

I think some of the points that I was speaking to was not just in the comment that I replied to but within the whole thread. The points that you enumerated I'm absolutely in agreement with, make no mistake about that. There were points that I interpreted as having an undercurrent of misogyny, I wasn't trying to claim that darkcalling was doing that intentionally but that's how it felt to me.

lol good point. I do think that the effort placed on abolishing sex work is misguided though, I explain myself further in my reply to darkcalling. It's probably super obvious but what other forms of work would be abolished?

Maybe more effort should be focused on banning misogyny and re-educating people who exploit others for their personal pleasure instead of putting all of the effort into infantiziling women and speaking for them as a monolith. It looks to me that the (rightful) contempt you harbor is actually more about patriarchal control and violence by men towards women. That's the real issue. If that were dealt with, sex work in the huge, huge part would resolve itself, especially as long as there are abundant resources available for women to access. Maybe it will disappear completely, naturally.

Those who a third time in a situation where their material needs are met, where they have opportunities, where they've been given re-education and therapy choose to attempt to perpetuate it under that system however will get the iron fist. It will be merciless.

Women getting the iron fist, especially in a time where they HAVE been brain washed, as you say....Feels extremely misogynistic. I don't often see women advocating and pushing or FORCING other women to get into sex work as this great, glamorous career. Why are you putting so much effort into saying this about women instead of focusing on violent, manipulative men who coerce women and do horrible things to them? This perspective just serves to perpetuate violence and misogyny to me.

Also men and people of different genders engage in sex work. Perhaps that's brainwashing as well but just wanted to throw that out there.

Yeah, paternalism and stigmatization is usually what I see come out of these discussions within Marxist circles online. It's always that drugs and sex work are inherently problematic in any form and that they wouldn't be useful after the revolution, but there will always be a want and need if there are people willing or wanting to engage in the work to provide those things then why should it matter to anyone? Anyway that's where I stand on it, it's just when people start to infringe on others' bodily autonomy and leaning into puritanism I get the ick

I'm curious how many people that respond to these types of posts actually consider themselves sex workers. I feel like having this debate without the voices of the people who participate in it front and center is pointless.