confusedpuppy @ confusedpuppy @lemmy.dbzer0.com

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2 yr. ago

I've finally figured out how to install frogcomposband in a docker container. It's a fork of a game called Angband that's played in a terminal window. Angband itself has a long history. Somewhere around 30 years if I remember correctly.

It's setting is closer to lord of the rings but it has the insane complexity of a pen and paper, dungeons and dragons type game. A huge amount of races and classes to play and even the option to play an impressive amount of different monsters or enemies.

I think what I'm enjoying about it is that the graphics are just coloured numbers, letters and symbols. The playable character is just the @ symbol. It leaves room for the imagination to fill in the blanks which feels very calming.

When I was going through my Baldur's Gate phase, I noticed my brain was in complete overdrive after playing a session. I think processing the crazy details in that game was too much for my brain.

Now when I shut off the game I'm not overwhelmed and I still get my role playing game fix. It's nice.

I hate flirting. I just don't understand it. It's this weird social dance that no one explains but expects people to understand. It all feels hypocritical that comes with unreasonable expectations.

The biggest source of frustration for me comes from the fact that I have to act in a way that says I am interested while not saying I am interested. That just does not work for me.

I don't flirt. I don't even try. I don't want to be with someone flirty because from my past experiences, flirty people are also not straight forward about other parts of their true selves.

Flirty people also misinterpret a lot of my actions as a result of me not understanding flirting as well. Many flirty people from my experiences have assumed I am flirting. I was just being nice. I was treating them like a person. Just like I treat family like people. And friends like people. And strangers like people.

As a not flirty person, the number of times people have pushed me up against a wall and kissed me, or just jump to kissing me has been way more than I ever expected out of life. Each time has been equally confusing. I wasn't flirting. I was just treating them how I wanted to be treated.

I have no advice to give but I have some thoughts to share from my life experiences. People like being treated like people. People who make mistakes. People who have their own thoughts and feelings. People who are themselves. I've made more genuinely close connections with people, intimate or not, by just treating people as people. And it's really something as simple as that. Also having a genuine smile helps quite a bit too. When I smile because I'm enjoying the moment, I notice that it draws people towards me. It's a type of energy that draws people in and it makes me feel even better about myself too.

My parents were away in Flordia visiting some family while they still could so I had the house to myself. It was wonderful. No tv noises, no news, no political talk, no constant misunderstanding/misinterpreting each other. It was peaceful. They got back last Saturday so it's back to the same old routine.

I also had a vasectomy while they were gone so it was nice to have some quiet time while I recovered. The pain is practically gone now and soon I'll forget it even happened. Happy to have gotten it done. Feels like a lifelong weight had been lifted off my back.

The birds are starting to return. I can hear the mourning doves in the morning now. I'm looking forward to the return of our pigeon family that like to nest in our balcony planters. They've been returning for years now and we think the children have also started nesting in our other planters. Thankfully they are super chill around us so they usually just watch us when we are out on the balcony.

I had a nice weekend which was needed. Met up with a friend to go to a techno party. One guy who came and danced with us for a while called us cute. I'm guessing he saw us having a good time enjoying the music and talking to people and it seemed like he enjoyed our vibes. It was a super nice compliment for both of us though.

After the party my friend and I went back to her friend's apartment to chill until the morning when I could catch a train back home. We talked and shared music while she sketched away. It was so chill and a nice way to unwind.

When she dropped me off at the station, she gave me a hug that felt a little extra, like there was a little appreciation behind it. I think she was happy to have someone who was able talk and laugh about some small mistakes which she was able to learn from throughout the night.

I treat her like a person just as I would with anyone else. It makes me feel good to have that affect on people. It also makes me a little sad that this type of treatment towards other people seems to be rare... It really takes far less energy to be accepting than it does to wake up angry and bitter at innocent people.

Other than that, I'm really growing tired and frustrated with technology dependence we are being cornered into using. Technology is a constant source of frustration and yet it feels like the majority have normalized the use of technology and headaches it comes with. It feels absurd and it's exhausting.

I'm trying hard to enjoy the moments and people that bring me happiness but there are times where my mind wanders towards the future. It gets so hard to breath in those moments...

When I get the motivation again I will give this a try. A while ago I was wondering if a tool like this existed so it's nice to see it pop up now. Thank you for this.

For verification I used the built in certificate manager in Nginx Proxy Manager. I generate an API key from Cloudflare for a DNS zone:zone:edit key with the domain I am using. Then I chose DNS verification in Proxy Manager and put the API key in the edit box. This has been successful every time.

Do you use Cloudflare Tunnel or are you using Cloudflare as a Dynamic DNS? I've had issues with certbot but I think I just wasn't using it properly, what process did you use for DNS verification?

I'll give your suggestions a try when I get the motivation to try again. Sort of burnt myself out at the moment and would like to continue with other stuff.

I am actually using the Cloudflare Tunnel with SSL enabled which is how I was able to achieve that in the first place.

For the curious here are the steps I took to get that to work:

This is on a Raspberry Pi 5 (arm64, Raspberry Pi OS/Debian 12)

    
# Cloudflared -> Install & Create Tunnel & Run Tunnel
                 -> https://developers.cloudflare.com/cloudflare-one/connections/connect-networks/get-started/create-local-tunnel/
                    -> Select option -> Linux
                    -> Step 4: Change -> credentials-file: /root/.cloudflared/<Tunnel-UUID>.json -> credentials-file: /home/USERNAME/.cloudflared/<Tunnel-UUID>.json
              -> Run as a service
                 -> Open new terminal
                 -> sudo cp ~/.cloudflared/config.yml /etc/cloudflared/config.yml
                 -> https://developers.cloudflare.com/cloudflare-one/connections/connect-networks/configure-tunnels/local-management/as-a-service/
              -> Configuration (Optional) -> https://developers.cloudflare.com/cloudflare-one/connections/connect-networks/configure-tunnels/local-management/configuration-file/
                 -> sudo systemctl restart cloudflared
              -> Enable SSL connections on Cloudflare site
                 -> Main Page -> Websites -> DOMAINNAME.COM -> SSL/TLS -> Configure -> Full -> Save
                    -> SSL/TLS -> Edge Certificates -> Always Use HTTPS: On -> Opportunistic Encryption: On -> Automatic HTTPS Rewrites: On -> Universal SSL: Enabled

  

Cloudflared complains about ~/.cloudflared/config.yml and /etc/cloudflared/config.yml not matching. I just edit ~/.cloudflared/config.yml and run sudo cp ~/.cloudflared/config.yml /etc/cloudflared/config.yml again followed by sudo systemctl restart cloudflared whenever I make any changes.

The configuration step is just there as reference for myself, it's not necessary for a simple setup.

The tunnel is nice and convenient. It does the job well. I just have a strong personal preference to not depend on large organizations. I've installed Timeshift as a backup management for myself so I can easily revisit this topic later when my brain is ready.

Nginx Proxy Manager has been handling certs for me, I'm not sure how it handles certs since it's packaged in a docker container. I can only assume it does something similar to Caddy which also automatically handles certificate registration and renewals. So probably certbot.

All I know is that NPM has an option for DNS challenges which is how I got my certs in the first place.

That's what I thought. NPM is handling the certs just fine.

Could it be that I'm setting up the reverse proxy wrong? Whenever I enable SSL on that reverse proxy, the connection just hangs and drops after a minute. I'm not understanding why it's doing that.

Women are already entering the trades. Where will men go after women become a noticeable portion of the trades work force?

My first thought is that men are scaring themselves into a corner that is the open arms of military recruiters.

For the moment I'm not saying much specific about it. There's no real big reason, it's just sort of how I like to do things. My parents always joked that I'd come back married one day and not even mention it.

I can try to message you when I'm satisfied with the progress of it. Otherwise I'll be around these posts in the future. After learning this much about networking, I'll feel pretty relieved. I'll be ready for the bigger and more important steps that come next.

When I was young, my elders told me stories of planting trees. Not for myself but for future generations. Instead they took the land, the wealth, the knowledge and the bits of whatever scraps left behind that made them feel powerful.

Then they turned around and insulted me, belittled me and blamed me for not caring enough about their every wants and fragile emotions. Demanded I work harder while they stood there watching me to criticize my every move. Accused me of selfishness for not following all the awful and outdated advice they constantly forced upon me. Hated me for not following step by step in their traditions that caused so much division and suffering. Bullied me for attempting to express myself freely.

They never got around to planting their trees. They just flicked the cigarette butt and watched the other trees burn.

The elders that left me feeling inspired and comfortable with me being myself are so few and far between that it hurts. It's hard for me to not feel betrayed by the majority of my elders.

I want to be inspired to do good from people who already do good things. Instead I feel like my empathy for others is being built up out of spite against my elders actions. Their words are so empty and meaningless to me.

I've also chosen to not let my future self become a burden on the younger people that follow me. I've already chosen my retirement plan. Extreme sports. Wing suit would be fun. I'd easily settle for trying to kick a cop in the nuts.

I've been unimpressed with the Christmas holidays since leaving my first job as a grocery store worker as a highschool student. My family has finally stopped buying me presents except for my mom who insists on buying me some sort of useless novelty item that's functionally impractical. Last year it was a bulky multi-tool pen that was too heavy to write with... Capitalism really sucks the humanity out of everything, especially the holidays.

Not too excited about the family dinner together. My parents and sister will spend the day talking constantly at and over each other while I'll be mostly mute, answering yes/no questions occasionally. I just don't have the energy anymore to correct all thier wildly incorrect assumptions and unnecessary views they have about me based on the useless labels they've applied to me.

The brain has been highly uncooperative over the past weeks but over the last week I've made a lot of progress on a local community project I'm working on. I have most of the groundwork prepared. I've also got a good starting point and mostly clear direction for it as well.

I'm in the process of learning how to self host a lemmy instance. I'm hating every moment of it but I'm making progress. It'll be worth it in the end. After I set up a proper community page I'll be ready to start promoting the idea locally.

I'm still considering creating a related community on another instance. I'm trying to craft this project in a way that is easily accessible and adaptable to the needs of any local community.

At the speed I'm going, and with all the holidays here, I'm hoping to be ready within the first couple weeks of January.

Life keeps happening and it feels so fast.

Went to another queer party, this time it was at an arcade with board games. A friend I made at an earlier queer party showed up with another friend and I got to hang out with them. She had two of my favourite things and since I have an all or nothing style of impulse control, I had a hard time saying no to mdma and mushrooms. I definitely had a great time.

For a brief moment when I was talking to someone else, I was made aware of the fact that I'm a not so queer person in a queer space. After a few questions from her, she came to understand how and why I ended up in such a space. She was understanding and accepting which was nice and she opened up a bit about herself too after finding out I was just there to meet new people and make friends.

That night I also got to share a local project idea I'm working on and I was quite surprised with the reactions. My friend asked me one question to confirm what my idea as a whole was before offering to help in any way she can. The other person I was talking to just said "do it" after reading only a part of my idea, it appears she's doing similar work to what I want to do. I'm not used to people being so quick to support an idea of mine without negative perspectives, doubts or fears from their personal insecurities that aren't related to my idea. It was a bit scary but it felt really nice too. I'm meeting up with my friend again this week to talk about it again and she seems very eager to know more which is quite exciting :)

With all the experiences I've had since 2020, it feels like the few people I can make honest friendships with are queer women, autistic women or queer autistic women. I'm trying not to question it too much because it makes very little sense to me but I'm rolling with it anyways. They are some of the few people who seem to simply accept me as who I am without question and I absolutely appreciate that. I enjoy being able to be myself without the unnecessary judgement from the labels that most people seem to apply to me before they ever get to know me.

Life is strange. Wish it would slow down just a bit but that's not what the future has planned.

I've personally never really bothered with respect after learning how authority figures and elders use respect as a tool to maintain what little authority, position or perceived power they have over others, such as myself.

Instead of giving them respect that they demand, I treat them with dignity. They aren't special because I treat everyone I meet with dignity. This gives people a chance to earn my respect through their actions and treatment to both themselves and other people.

I do not feel comfortable allowing respect to be abused in a way that makes me feel submissive to anyone else. Also from my perspective, those who demand respect, do not deserve any respect because they fail to treat anyone else with dignity.

I got a flu shot last week and have been feeling sick since the day after the shot. It feels strange, all the annoyances of being sick without feeling like I'm oozing contagiousness out of every pore.

I'm more annoyed I am unwell enough to go on some hikes. The leaves from all the trees are falling real quick now and I wanted to enjoy the last bits of fall colours. I also want to gather some forest leaves to use as leaf little in my terrariums at home. Leaves far from pesticides. The things I try to do for my little gecko.

Speaking of her, it's been just over a week now since she's begun eating again and she's hungry. I have her outside play area fenced off in my room but I have no idea if she comes out at night during this time of year or just chills in her hiding cave. During the spring and summer time she just wants to explore my whole room and hide under the couch but right now it seems she turned into a hungry little gremlin that just comes out for food. I've also noticed with her that she seems more comfortable with me year after year. Even if just a little bit. She still hates hands though so it's still a struggle attempting to handle her. At least she has a cute little face.

The last couple months for me have been such a huge range of emotions. I'm glad I began seeing a new therapist at a practice which works with lgbt+ people and alternative lifestyles. It's made such a huge difference and it feels like my therapist is working with me instead of giving me "one size fits all" responses or coping strategies.

I'm also really happy that my therapist suggested I check out some event promoters for meeting people. Ended up going to an Enter Shikari concert last night and met up with with one of those people I met at a mingling event. She came with one of her friends and they were both super nice and so much fun. One of them was off in the mosh pit half the time and trying to crowd surf, the other was this tiny little girl at the edge of the mosh pit pushing people back in. It was amazing. I woke up the day before with a super stiff neck so I stuck to the edge of the mosh pit with the other. Fortunately the muscle relaxants and weed pills I took earlier helped with the pain so I was able to enjoy the night and energy.

Love that band, amazing show and I had such a good time. The person that met at the mingling party is also into techno, including the hard stuff. She also told me to let her know when I'm back in Toronto when we parted so I'm going to let her know what techno parties I'm headed to in the future.

Her friend also gave me a bunch of metal bands to listen to which I'm excited to check out. I cancelled my Spotify account a while ago so I've been re-exploring my current library for the past while. It'll be nice to add something new. Plus I prefer this form of music exploration compared to all the algorithms and "AI" playlists. It's far less overwhelming and lets me appreciate albums as a whole again.

I'm in such a good mood right now. Could be better but I'm paying the price for being in the mess of a rock show. Should have been resting my neck at home with a heat pad but last night was worth all the pain.

I went to a party a couple days ago. It's meant for queer people to meet new people. Had a surprisingly good night and met a few people.

I really wish I knew how hitting on people works because I'm so painfully oblivious to it all. People seem to have a tendency to start kissing and I have no idea what I'm doing. I was just being nice?? Anyway, that night a guy I was talking to started kissing my neck and I had to politely tell him I was just there to meet new people. Fortunately he took it super well. I have plans to invite him to one of the techno parties I go to regularly which should be fun.

Also, as I was leaving, I happened to be talking to a group of people and someone just happened to mention a band that's playing in Toronto next week. Turns out her and I are seeing the same band play so I think we are gonna go together? We've been slowly texting each other so we'll see but should be fun either way. I'm still pretty excited.

I look forward to hiking the next couple weeks, the leaves are all changing colours, lots of reds, yellow and orange. I absolutely love fall colours.

The second worst part of a new tattoo is the itch. So itchy...

I got a new tattoo yesterday of a couple of mourning doves. The artist working on me was working around some ticklish areas. I kept jumping at all the light touches when she was wiping away excess ink from the area so I asked her to use a bit more pressure when she was working there. She laughed and said no one has ever asked her to be more rough but I was twitching a whole lot less after I asked. Other than that, it was nice to have a quiet mind for a few hours. Getting a tattoo is the closest thing to meditation I'll ever get.

Also, I'm going to a party this weekend and am both excited and anxious. I think it might be a techno party but the organizers of the party host events for queer people to meet each other. It's going to be loud which is awful for me when trying to talk to others. I usually go dance by myself because I'm there for the music but this time I'll have to try and meet some people. I'm hoping since the event is for meeting new people that things will work itself out. We'll see how the night goes.