betterdeadthanreddit @ betterdeadthanreddit @lemmy.world

An early bird in the hand gets the low hanging fruit in the bush.

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2 yr. ago

Lights flicker and dim throughout the neighborhood as a white-hot glow builds through the stack of 32Xs. A bright blue flash signals the destruction of the transformer down the block but you spare no attention for the freshly-darkened row of houses, captivated by the scene unfolding in your own living room.

Rather than sputtering out and returning to its previously inert form, the Sega only glows brighter. A voice is whispering to you but dissolves into wordless static against the ambient hum of the room. Your skin tingles and itches, the smell of ozone tickles your nose and you're starting to think you should have brought some kind of eye protection. Probably too late to worry about that now though.

A crack of darkness forms in the center of the column of light -- that, or your tortured optical nerves are finally burning out. The air takes on an unnatural viscosity which seems to conduct the ever-present hum straight into your bones. In an instant, the darkness pulses and ripples along its wispy edges before falling in on itself, carrying with it the last beams of your technological abomination like a mangled lighthouse blasting its warnings into a roiling hurricane.

You wake up in the morning to find a box on your doorstep. Oh yeah, you remember, that eBay listing for an old Sega and collection of accessories. Absently clicking together a stack of 32X modules while examining the contents of the package, you start to wonder if the thing will even power on...

You might be able to find a shop vac with a large enough hose and intake port, typical household vacuums will struggle to fit anything larger than a medium-sized kitten. I urge you to reconsider though; whatever the cat did wrong, there's no way it deserves this. Show some mercy.

I keep my skeleton inside a meat robot.

Waffles that let themselves go.

I'll take the plutonium mass and a flathead screwdriver please, it'll be safer.

The only time Musk should get briefed is if that's a euphemism for a wedgie.

Good news is that if dial-up tinnitus is real, my other comment was only plausible by lucky coincidence. Got a little of the standard variety like what you're talking about (just enough to make me care about good PPE moving forward) and thought it'd be an interesting consequence of tech exposure for old geeks.

No shit.

Let's hope this isn't a working version of that thing where you throw bird entrails at the ground to tell the future or something.

My tinnitus can negotiate a V.92 handshake.

But then they'll ask you how a ship like that broke through the armored ceiling which leads to all sorts of awkward questions about the before-times when we lived on the surface.

Fecal contamination is a fact of life or, put succinctly, shit happens.

The dog did say he can't tell time.

C diff.

Smash them up and dump the crumbs into a glass. Now it's a drink and no longer subject to the tyrannical nutritional guidelines of the medical establishment, leaving you free to consume it as you please.

Maybe there are (at least) 9 of these code-named agents who are assigned an identity for the duration of their employment.

Kinda want her to get the role now just so these assholes don't see Depp or somebody else in the new movie and think that they had a hand in saving Hollywood from the evil forces of woke. Satisfaction is not permitted.

OP was asking for things that would be different.

Brilliant PR firm move to start making the jokes ahead of time so if the video did get out, people assume it's a fake. This idea is made less likely by all the other things they haven't hidden.

Looks like something Tony Stark would build. In a cave! With a box of scraps!