Sombyr @ Sombyr @lemmy.one

Gender: Female, Sexuality: Enigma,

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Joined

2 yr. ago

Huh. I'm guessing the pain of kidney stones comes in varying levels, because the one time I had them I wouldn't have called it the most painful thing in the world.

Then again, I could also have inherited my mom's pain tolerance, who gave birth multiple times without any kind of pain relief and without flinching.

That's basically how I was. Honestly, the reason I enjoy movies nowadays isn't really because it's my thing, but because my wife is always so excited to show me the movies she likes, and I can't help but enjoy myself when it's making her happy.

I rarely watch movies on my own, or with other people besides her, but when I do, it's usually because I think it'd be fun to tell her all about it, and maybe watch it with her too.

I'm also bigger on reading, but I have really severe, unmedicated ADHD, so I can't sit down with an actual book for longer than a few minutes. Gotta have pretty pictures, like a manga or graphic novel or something (and even then it's hard.)

Every time that comes up, I think to myself "Something I've gone through must be more painful, right? I've gone through some pretty hellish things, and you're trying to tell me something MORE painful exists? Not just a little more, but dramatically more? For my own sanity, I'm gonna have to live in denial of that."

I used to be like this, but with movies. When I first met my wife, she was utterly baffled at the concept of somebody not enjoying movies, and she made it her mission to make me enjoy them.

Come to think of it, she actually doesn't like music much. I've failed to change her opinion on that though because my taste in music is shit (and I'm proud of it.)

My username? O

My real name?

As somebody who was once part of a cult, it's just the same circus but worse.

I don't do anything. I'm the kind to completely forget about it minutes after I close whatever I was looking at. If it's a stupid enough thing that made me angry enough, sometimes I'll vent about it to my wife, and usually get the response of "Why do you care what a random person online you'll never meet thinks?" but I've gotten that response enough for it to have really sunk in to the point where I really don't care 99% of the time. I don't really debate online anymore either for that reason. The most I might do is nudge somebody in the right direction if I suspect their opinion is simply based on a lack of information, but if that fails I tend to just delete my reply and move on so I'm not bothered by it again.

The only times I ever want to go anywhere outside of where the busses can take me is when my family is taking me somewhere, in which case somebody else drives me there. The busses go quite a distance though. I can even get to small towns nobody's ever heard of if I feel like it.

It's not like I'm gonna be traveling a huge distance anyway. I live of off 900$ a month, so it's not like I could afford to go anywhere else if I wanted to.

No, on account of I cannot drive at all. I'm 25 and live in Vermont. The particular part I live in, everything's accessible by bus, so I've just never felt the urgency to learn.

I wouldn't, but I could see a really strong argument to be made for it.

I mean, we could call gravity or the sun a god. It's really a matter of perspective rather than concrete definition. I've discussed my ideas about the void with people, and there tends to be a pretty even split between people who believe it would be a god, and those who believe it wouldn't count.

I don't think it's quite the same thing, unless I've been misunderstanding the concept of the big bang, which is entirely possible. I don't think it describes the state of the universe before the singularity, nor how the singularity got there. This is more or less how I believe that happened. A mindless yet omnipotent force just happened to spawn it into existence.

I believe in a power above all else which gave rise to the universe. You could technically call it "God," but I prefer to think of it just as a primordial force of nature, like gravity and such, but far more ancient.

Basically I believe that in the beginning, there was nothing, and that includes the rule that something can't come from nothing. That didn't exist either, so the void just kinda imploded on itself and now stuff exists.

With no rules or restrictions on what could happen yet, literally anything could happen. In a sense, that would make the void omnipotent, but also probably mindless. In my eyes, less like a god, more like the most powerful force of nature to ever exist. Or I guess not exist.

It's still a gradual buildup for me, and there are little pauses every time it starts over, but if I don't have those little pauses, I get overstimulated too much and the nerves just kinda shut off for a couple minutes. There's always an intense shock of pleasure too when it starts over, that fades away really fast, but every time it starts over again the shock is more intense than the previous time, until eventually, one of those shocks is an orgasm. I can technically have one on the lowest settings of sustained vibration too, but it's not intense enough to give me a satisfying orgasm. The settings that just pulse regularly also sometimes work, but I prefer to have at least a second or two with the thing going full blast just because it feels good, so that's why I use the "Morse code" setting instead. That way I get the full intensity, along with the little interruptions that prevent me from getting overstimulated.

There are people who don't like that? Huh. That's the only setting that works for me. Every other setting is too regular so I go numb and just stop feeling it after like 5 seconds.

I used to experience it 24/7 a few years ago, before I was medicated for the countless mental disorders I have. Nowadays, I don't think I've experienced it in at least a couple years.

I've just decided at this point that I don't care if my life has any sort of meaning. I still do fun things and have passions, but I don't do those to give my life meaning, I do it to just feel good for now.

And days, sometimes weeks and months where I wake up and think "I don't want to do anything. I just want to sit and rot." I just do that. Makes those days easier to get through. Doesn't matter if my existence has no meaning for a while. Doesn't matter if it never does again. I'm just ok with whatever happens.

And one day when I die, I'll be ok with it. To me, no matter what I do it'll all eventually fade away with time. Eventually, nobody will remember me. But the particles and energy that made me up will always exist, and the things I did will help determine their final resting place at the heat death of the universe. All I have to do to make a permanent mark on the world is simply exist.

But I dunno. I've been off my meds for a bit for various reasons, so maybe I'm just going crazy.

Most conservatives, however deeply red, are not intentionally hateful and are usually open to rational discussion. People just don't know how to have rational discussions nowadays and the few times they do, they don't know how to think like somebody else and put things in a way they can understand.

People nowadays think because a point convinced them, it should convince everybody else and anybody who's not convinced by it is just being willfully ignorant. The truth is we all process things differently and some people need to hear totally different arguments to understand, often put in ways that wouldn't convince you if you heard it.

It's hard to understand other people and I feel like the majority of people have given up trying in favor of assuming everybody who disagrees with you knows their wrong and refuses to admit it.

When I was little I got stung 6 times between the legs by a velvet ant that managed to get stuck in my bathing suit. It's not as bad as some exaggerated videos on the internet may have lead you to believe, but I did cry for about 30 seconds before I went back to what I was doing.

Not years ago, but a year ago I got covid and for reasons nobody can explain it made a nerve in my lower back malfunction and just start sending out the maximum pain signal it could. That's probably the most painful thing I've experienced. Tied for it at least.

Going through this right now. Don't enjoy playing single player games much. Only usually enjoy multi-player games if I'm playing with my wife. I'm just letting it happen tbh.

Getting into tabletop games and collecting instead. Unlike video games, tabletop games come with all sorts of cool knickknacks, especially war games, and I'm finding getting to collect them and then play with the cool new things holds my interest better nowadays. Feels like it scratches the same itch as installing a thousand new mods into video games then playing for a few hours before loading it up with even more mods, but instead of mods it's new little dudes and I get to assemble and paint them.

I have minor coordination issues and can't type accurately on a keyboard as small as my phone. If I manually corrected every typo it'd take me 3 times as long to type anything. I miss the suggested words with my thumb half the time. I find it easier to just slam out a word looking vaguely similar to what I was trying to type and let my phone figure it out.