Simple Jack @ RHSJack @lemmy.world

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2 yr. ago

To quote a fantastic CollegeHumor bit from the late, great Lance Riddick: "...in places that will leave you confused...for the rest of your life."

It's the oldest rule from the oldest thieves' guilds from before there were cities: It's OK to take a little from Jimmy's cut, maybe OK to take a little off what you were gonna give to your mother, but you never. NEVER. take anything from the capo. The boss.

First, beat me by 4 hours. B, I knew a guy. Dang it, what was his name....Tom. Military guy. Major or something. Major Tom Something.

This is so lame. Orcas can't fly in space, this picture doesn't work. Unless. Yes....unless, these are...space orcas!

Too late. I already have an appointment with my psychiatrist tomorrow. I am going to ask for an increased dosage to my medication. By the way, I can never pronounce complex pharmaceutical ingredients. What are "multivitamin flintstone chewables"? Why cant they ever just give it cool names like Nexium or Syphillis?

I'm confused. Are we still talking about tuna? Or...

You think I am going to give them milk? Purchased from the gubmint with my Obama food card? When I can get milk for free if I had a farm? Which I don't. It's the concept of the thing. Don't strain yourself too much trying to, you know, think. Growth hormones didn't hurt me during my high school wrestling days. Perfectly acceptable to give to my 5 year old Jimmy so he doesn't turn out gay like his Uncle Jared. /I am Uncle Jared //Maybe if I had taken T or whatever was available 40 years ago things would be different. I know wrestling certainly awakened things in me.

Dont. Get. Me. Started. You just identified one thing that really grinds my gears. Until there is acrid smoke pouring out my ears. Literally. My room reeks of burnt oil and grilled brain. What's left of it anyway.

"Oh yeah, well, my uncle killed an entire playground full of kids. As retribution for another uncle who detonated a nuclear bomb on a factory making free antibiotics for the poor. Why just yesterday a bunch of hippies in Portland burned down a church full of worshippers because they don't pray to trees. I don't hear any Army choppers. This is America. We protect our own. Mostly. Sort of. We're a young country, still workshopping as it goes." tl;dr Dirty hippies are dangerous if you don't pray to trees.

But...but...my cabbages!

IANADr. But it is my understanding that the fish would have been the ONLY thing feeding your brain while your body was shutting down to conserve its resources. Sadly, you weren't eating ENOUGH. And to eat enough you probably would have hit that lunch budget you were trying to save in the first place. So, yes. Starving yourself while trying to do the right thing at the same time. There has to be a Greek tragedy about this somewhere. Or a maudlin French poem. Or an O Henry story.

When I lived in Japan, the place I worked had a union though I wasn't a member. In all the time I worked there, all I heard was how their union got certain concessions and they were fighting for other things, too. Concessions which were already a part of our contract across the network regardless of union status. And the office lost one lawsuit which was a neverending topic from the union folks. Funny thing is, the company had to be taken to court again for noncompliance of the previous decision. Which they still hadn't followed by the time I left.

Well, someday science is going to make new discoveries and prove this is all wrong. It's like the coffee thing. Is it good for you or is it bad for you or...it's just dirty water and we can all go about our lives. Personally, my magic cloud god tells me they put it there to give us light and warmth. And turns it off to save electricity. Which is a good habit if you ask me. Follow my imaginary Hebraic friend and save on your bills.

Better to have seen the sun for what it truly is, even for a moment, and be blind forever. Never seeing the birth of your child. Or your bride/groom on your wedding day. Or your peers' celebration of your accomplishments. Because you are blind. After staring at the sun for a few seconds. All worth it. *gets up **immediately walks into door frame. Corrects himself. Walks out door like a hero.

But if there weren't video games, parents would stop being bad. Now excuse me, I have to finish my internet forum post. THEN I will check on the kids and see who's hungry.

And chronic carpal tunnel syndrome and tennis elbow in kids as young as 18. Its the only reason they retire and also gets them disqualified from mandatory military service. What they have to do instead is basically street cleaning and painting schools and crap

800 years ago: Them: Do you confirm you are Dracula? Dracula: Yes. Here is my ID. Them: Says here you are dead. D: Umm. I am not. Th: And you murdered 10,000 people. D: Whuu...I what? And how many? Th: And impaled them on the highway between your castle and the enemy camp? D: Enemy? Castle? I live in a village by the lake...wait. Impaled? Are you mental? Th: Also, you drink the blood of your enemies. Out of a cup made from the freshly severed head of an enemy courier... D: wft? Who are you people? My vegetarian stomach wants to evacuate. The rest of me, too.

Same.

That won't happen. You can try it, for science, but I will save you some time. Water cannot and will not damage the paper of The Bible. You have to burn it.

Not gonna lie. I wanna read it.