I'm worried about suffering during the next few decades. I've been laid off so many times and have so many bouts of unemployment that my savings are stunted. I started putting away 25% of my paychecks into 401K and an IRA. Then DOGE cut the funding to my department.
I'm hitting 40 this year and I feel old. I feel really really old. I feel old and scared to the point of despair. The first 40 years I've had on Earth has been mostly miserable and if I get another 40 years it's looking bleak.
While that is a nice fantasy I am unfortunately spending the grand majority of my time daily filling out job applications and watching coding tutorials at 2x speed.
Unless I receive a grant or some sort of income I can live off of up front I don't have the luxury to do a passion project at this time.
Makes sense. I wouldn't want me around either.