If you are religious, explaining things in a way that doesn't contradict theology is tricky. If not, just keep it real. Thing are past the point of sugarcoating them.
Evolution is real because that is what the evidence says. You can come up with gymnastics to explain away the evidence, but you are not changing the facts of what we observe. I can come up with many far fetched ideas, but without evidence they're worthless.
You see, making deals is an art, much like making fast food sandwiches. You can't just leave it to any old teenager, you need a sandwich artist. We've got the best at making deals, a Picasso or Rembrandt really, so prepare for a masterpiece.
Yep, I just want to sleep without worrying about shit.