Lost_My_Mind @ Lost_My_Mind @lemmy.world

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1 yr. ago

ETA? Estimated Time of Arrival?

One of us doesn't know what that stands for. I feel like the time my grandpa died, and mom sent me an email telling me "We're going to the funeral this Friday to pay respects to grandpa. LOL!"

I was quite confused. Turns out she grew up with "Lots Of Love". For a second she seemed like she turned into an absolute psychopath, for like....no reason.

Nice.

Ugh. Poor unskilled photographer doesn't even have the frame in focus. Look how blurry that bush looks! It's almost as pixelated as an Asians genitals!

I'm not entirely clued in to the situation, but as I walked past a tv yesterday the headline said something like "121 dead in flood, including 24 children. 68 still missing".

So.......trump is celebrating the death of children and others. There's no other way to say this. People died, including children, and trump applauded the outcome.

Or am I missing something? Because I don't think I am.

Prison isn't designed for rehabilitation. It's designed for legalized slavery.

I used to see my cat do this. She'd look at me, as if to ask permission to hunt the bug. And I'd always say in a playful voice "Git dat bug! Get em! Didja get em??? Get dat bug!"

Which I'm glad she always "asked", because one time a bee flew in. And she gave her little look and meow that said "get him?" And I was like "NOOOOOOOO!!!!!" and grabbed her collar. Then I said "Thats Frank. We don't get Frank. We open the window, and let Frank go, because he's good for the environment! Also he will stab you."

And then my cat said "Wow! You sure do make a lot of friends when you leave the house every day for roughly 10 hours, AND NEVER INVITE ME OR BRING ME!!! Then sometimes you come home smelling like other cats? You think I don't notice? Yeah I just don't say anything! But now you're bringing psychopaths into my home??? No no no sir! This has gone too far! You got some explaining to do mister!!!"

And then Frank said "Excuse me, fine lady and sir. I seem to have gotten seperated from my colony and daily life of having sex with flowers. Could you by chance help me by opening this window a tad? I would be most gracious!"

So then my cat said "I thought you said he was a stabber?"

And Frank said "Only in self defense, fair lady! For I am but a humble bumble bee. I make honey with my bisexual bee bois. We have a whole nest just out past yonder."

And then the duck said "Quack quack!"

And I said "When did we get a duck?"

Jeff Apple is walking down the stairs. I've met Jeff Apple. All the Apples really. Big family. Yuuuuge Apple family, some might say. And I'll say it. Because nobody is saying it enough. Folks, wouldn't it be great if we could all build a great big Apple?

No no no. I'll make it more exciting to watch.

Ok, so first off, everybody loves violence. So the first thing we're doing is giving every player a knife. They're free to use it however they like. Except the goalie. The goalie gets a chainsaw. All the refs gets flame throwers.

Ok, so next we want to increase female viewership. So now all the athletes are going to have a uniform that is only a bra and panties, sponsered by Victoria Secret.

No more groups. It's now one group. Elimination tournament style.

And now, the soccer ball is filled with a bunch of beans. These beans are filled with rice size atomic bombs. If the ball is shot with a special liquid, the protective layer around the ball is melted away. And now the ball is one big explosive with a timer. Nobody knows when it'll blow up. This is only used in sudden death overtime.

And the airplanes above the field release toxin gas that makes everybody horny as hell. That's when drunk people in the stands start fucking.

Unclear if you worked for the army, or for Mcdonalds. Either way you were probably paid about the same, and had to go to war every day.

I work 7 days a week with 4 different jobs. I don't have time to go out, much less have friends. But I have walked out of places and stopped in a gym signup process because they required a cell phone to use their service.

"Hi, I'd like a menu"

"Oh, our resteraunt only has QR codes."

"Ok, bye bye."

I just don't scan QR codes.

So the military has been bound by the same handcuffs that McDonalds is with it's ice cream machines?

It was messed up that McDonalds agreed to that. It's TERRIFYING that the group in charge of our military ever did.

During the civil war in the usa in the 1800s, locals would leave their house, bring a blanket, and a picnic basket. They would sit on top of a hill, and watch the battle, like it was entertainment.

Maybe that's making a comeback?

Majority of small, 100% of large.

Yeah....thats covered under being a bunch of cunts. Only a cunt would do that.

I don't know about now, but back in the 90s the magical out was that you punched them in the face.

Back then the concept of a school shooting didn't exist, and parents didn't threaten to sue the school every 5 minutes.

So teachers would just let the fights go.

"Oh, Billy tried bullying Bobby, and now Bobby punched Billy in the face? Eh....call me when they break bones and spill blood. I'm going to go make popcorn."

These days? I'm sure both kids would get expelled.

Shredder never even has defined plans. Now granted, I was a kid in the 80s. If the new series is different, I don't know. I didn't even see the micheal bay movies. I saw the original cartoon, the first 3 movies, and the "coming out of our shell" tour.

Shredder always just kind of showed up, and maybe robbed a jewelry store. Or kidnapped April and that skinny news reporter guy.

There never seemed to be a plan. It was always just vague "do crime and evil shit...."

Then they introduced the mafia, who for some reason just liked tickling everybodies feet.

What I'm curious is what kind of ball are you shaped like?

A golf ball? With divots all over your skin? A basketball? Just round? A baseball? With stitches all over your skin like later years Chucky? A football? Are you Stewie Griffen? Testicles? Wait, are you saying your whole body is one big testicle? Oh my god, the Iron Shiek wasn't speaking broken english! He was just talking about you!!! "I hit him right in the ball this big!"

Well, these sports cars usually sell for $100,000+. If he was homeless, he could sell the car, buy a house, and still have anywhere from 5k to 40k leftover depending on the house.