Yes, it's better to give it directly to the people who need it, when they need it, instead of them having to rely on a third party for help. Donate to organizations that won't pocket most of the money, but if you have a chance to give it directly to someone, I think that's better.
I'm sorry to hear about the problems with your wife. I'm sort of in the same boat when it comes to not really feeling connected this year. It's not a holiday that I feel is important, and I'm not really thrilled about the whole consumerism thing anyway.
That said, I still plan on giving a gift to one special person. The gift itself isn't important, I think, but I would feel terrible for not taking part in it this year. I've avoided the holiday for years, and it really bothers me. I've been looking forward to this for a couple of months. It's not about the gift, though. I'm just happy to have someone special in my life now.
I'll bring it up with them after the holiday, but I think we're both on the same page. I think next year we won't celebrate it.
