Evergreen5970 @ Evergreen5970 @beehaw.org

Posts

8

Comments

134

Joined

2 yr. ago

Surprised nobody posted about wearing bi flag colors yet.

Not about bi culture but some Christian denominations are very affirming. And some individual churches within traditionally-homophobic denominations are breaking with that. I imagine it would be fun to think of their takes and refutations of “homosexuality is sin” arguments when you’re faced with homophobia from your own church, regardless of whether you’re religious or not. Good keywords to Google to get this kind of thing if you’re interested would be “open and affirming.”

https://www.wijngaardsinstitute.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/christian_same_sex_relationships__interim_report.pdf pro-LGBTQ+, refutations of common points against them. Coming from a center for Catholic research.

I’m actually not sure how PDA interferes with the intention of work. Hypothetically, I could sit in someone’s lap and I could be doing my work, and they theirs (at least, if we both use laptops). I definitely see the point about the mandatory shared space, though.

Many (tho not all!) humans are sexual beings with sexual desires and motivations.

Thanks for the acknowledgment of asexual people like me 😊

Assuming people actually apply the attitude consistently instead of only to non-straight people, I’m not sure what to think, honestly. There are always going to be people who are made uncomfortable by PDA from any couple, including straight couples. Back when straight was default I knew people who would react unhappily to a straight couple making out and even basic kissing was really pushing it. It seems somehow callous to condemn these people if they apply this standard to everyone equally, it feels like saying “your discomfort is wrong, fix it and stop being so sensitive.” But I also understand that often, if something won’t make a majority of people uncomfortable and isn’t disrespectful/actively harmful it’s usually the responsibility of the uncomfortable person to remove themselves from the situation.

Social norms have conditioned me into not finding a couple groping each other in public a socially acceptable thing, even if I don’t feel any discomfort with it. The only taboo against displays of affection that I think lies in something other than making people feel uneasy is “no sex in public” because of all the fluids produced. If not cleaned up well and quickly, it sounds ripe for infecting people who unknowingly, say, sit on the same bench someone had sex on. Especially if they have a small cut on the back of their thigh, and it touches where the fluids were… Same logic as “use a toilet, don’t go in public.” No biohazards in public please.

I’m totally fine with any PDA that isn’t actual sex in public, and the sex reservation is only because of the concern I mentioned above for STDs. I’m making a lot of devil’s advocate arguments against my own perspective because I also want to respect others’ comfort levels and I’m not sure where exactly the line should be drawn.

Just the default browser that comes with my phone!

I’m terrible at naming things so I used a random username generator.

I also like to have numbers at the end so if anyone actually desires the username “Evergreen” I, who don’t really care too much about getting that specific username, will not be taking it from them. It’s a dictionary word, those get snapped up fast.

I think it’s a fun coincidence you brought that game up as something obscure nobody will care about, because I just learned about it because of your post and will probably emulate it for myself lol. Thanks for bringing it to my attention! 😊

Adults have options for dealing with negative behavior and access to places that people under 18/21 do not.

We can sign legal papers without our parents’ permission so I assume that means we can take legal action against harassers while for a minor it’s harder. We can also drink or smoke our problems away. We can also go into bars and solicit sex work, but I’m curious what the other options we have for dealing with negative behavior we have that minors don’t, and what places we can access that minors can’t outside of those.

I don’t want to drink or smoke, and I’m an asexual who has no desire to engage in sex, so I want to know what options my age grants to me that I might actually want to take advantage of.

Hey, thank you for the trigger warning. I’m really really bad with seeing people getting physically hurt.

I did absolutely bring up in the original post I replied to (not in Beehaw Support, the one about Nazi lives not mattering that I linked earlier in this discussion) that given their ideology is basically “violence, extermination against everyone else” this kind of thing might be taken as self-defense. I wish I knew the stats on if violence towards individual Nazis (as opposed to going to war against a Nazi country—I am definitely fine with fighting Nazis in WWII) actually serves as a deterrent or not. I hate violence.

I really have no need for retribution, for justice in the sense of making someone pay for their crimes. Only a need to help the victim get back to where they were before they were victimized, and prevent the offender from hurting anyone again. I suppose this is the disconnect, I don’t do the entire “this feels righteous” thing.

Weirdly enough I know I’m extremely selfish and will admit to it. I just also try my damndest to avoid being entitled. Knowing I’ll put myself first all the time and will not take physical risks for anybody (sorry, I’m not a good leftist but I’m also not going to get in fights I know I won’t win, I’m not taking a hospital bill and getting scars and broken bones that might heal wrong and opening up worse treatment for myself for being uglier than I currently am) isn’t the same as expecting people to put me first and take physical risks for me—in fact I’m completely fine intellectually with them saving themselves. I expect nobody to put their life on the line for me or sacrifice for me, I only expect the basic human decency we are all entitled to, like not being randomly insulted or harassed by strangers. I’m selfish but I’m also consistent.

About the neurodivergent thing—I guess, but if they’re disabled because they can’t figure out interaction with us, then we’re still disabled because we also can’t figure out interaction with them. We just get called disabled because there are more of them. And I’m going to be a realist and say that in the world we live in, I’m disabled.

Some of my minority demographics absolutely make me different from people I know. But I also know that in a world of 7 billion people, though nobody has my exact mix of life experiences and DNA, there are people who are like me. Maybe not as many as those without as many minority demographics, maybe you can consider me special because 1% of people are asexual, but 1% of 7 billion is still a giant amount of people. There are still a lot of people like me. A big part of my teenage desire to be individual and special was refusing to think I’m amazingly special and unique, refusing to fit that stereotype and be deluded about how special I am, and this is still with me I suppose. A big part of my ego is acknowledging reality and not falling prey to common mental traps—including the mental trap that this desire to avoid fallacies makes me immune to them.

You sound at least somewhere on the asexuality spectrum.

The capacity to be aroused ≠ sexual attraction, although they do often go together (especially if you get aroused at the sight of people instead of needing physical stimulation to make the parts respond) so I wouldn’t completely toss away the arousal data. However, I did read a study about conditioning marmosets to be aroused at the smell of a lemon, so it might be extensible to humans and you might have just conditioned yourself into arousal at the opposite gender. “People find this hot, I should try masturbating to it,” you stimulate yourself into arousal, eventually associate the opposite gender with sexual satisfaction and get aroused at the sight of them. Also, I’m kind of suspicious of this study because after they finished the conditioning, they observed erection rate after exposure to lemon scent, but not erection rate without exposure to lemon scent: sure, the erection rate is high for lemon exposure, but how do we know this is any different from no lemon exposure? However, lots of other similar studies were done that I didn’t bother to check out. And it’s still true that arousal ≠ sexual attraction. They just go together a lot. Even with your arousal at the opposite gender, you might be asexual. I’m just very used to hearing regular arousal at a certain gender as an allosexual experience instead of an asexual one. https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/whats-the-difference-between-sexual-attraction-and-arousal.html

Also relevant that I’m ’strictly’ asexual, I have zero sexual desire, never have urges to have sex with another human, if you think of the asexuality spectrum as a line segment with “asexual, zero sexual desire” at the left endpoint and “allosexual, sexual desire” at the right I sit on top of the left endpoint. I’m as far from allosexual as you can be. But I do experience arousal from a certain trigger that makes me want to masturbate. Not to have sex with anybody. But it’s not from anything sexual at all. It’s something more along the lines of seeing a specific YouTuber teach math, without any desire to see them naked or in any kind of state of undress. It’s not actually that, but you get the idea. Does involve a human, makes me aroused, but aside from that it’s not sexual whatsoever.

I can’t tell you what you are, and to be honest I’m not sure where the desire to get handsy would put you, but to me you don’t sound fully hetero, you sound somewhere on the asexuality spectrum.

https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/am-i-asexual.html

https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/, which I find to be a pretty good resource for FAQs about asexuality and covering topics like aphobia, questioning whether you yourself are asexual, and relationship advice. Includes the a-spectra, not just people like me with sexual desire set to “zero, forever.”

Also useful for aces themselves. Has experiences from not-ace people describing what sexual attraction is like.

You can do both!

On Reddit, enough downvotes collapse the content so people who might really not feel up to seeing any Nazi content that day, even if there’s tons of pushback against it, didn’t have to see it. (Of course, the collapsed downvoted comment might have just been an unpopular but unbigoted and unharmful opinion, like “I think Mario games are poorly made and unfun” getting downvoted to hell. But it’s a risk you know you’re taking when you open a collapsed post with a score of -17. Unpopular opinion, spammer, or hate speech?). You have to open the comment thread to see it. I do not know if anything on the Fediverse has this functionality. Until then, downvotes can still make Nazi content less easy to see by being ranked lower.

And despite the downvotes, lots of people still responded to the Nazi anyways, in a way that let me know that this was one troll and the community was very much not accepting of bigotry. That was also useful. Both things have a place.

I appreciate it, good for demonstration and just tickles my funny bone for some reason. I will be delighted if this user gets to 100,000 upvotes—one for every possible iteration of shill.

Agreed.

I have no shame and don’t care if people fantasize about me or make porn as long as they respect my “no”s for real physical contact.

I am also aware that sometimes, people don’t like you and they go for disproportionate retribution. I would not like to have porn deepfaked of me and it spread around as “she took this of herself, what a slut, fire her/do not hire her.” (I’m not exactly in a position to be able to pick and choose companies who share my values and wouldn’t care what non-hateful activities I might get up to in my off hours, I need to increase my skills so I’m desirable enough to be able to actually reject job offers.) I would also not like people to deepfake me having sex with a child and use a very good AI fake as “proof” I am a pedophile. Such an accusation will stick. And it would feel especially bad because I’m a virgin by choice and don’t desire sexual contact with anyone (I’m asexual), so for me to be painted as someone who would choose a nonconsensual sex act…

I’d be okay with personal use of these images even if they were of me, but the reality is that it’s possible to use this for more than just an innocent masturbation session. There are more ways others’ judgment can affect you than just shame and feelings.

Not to say that it is right to make these images just because I would personally be unbothered if it were me, just trying to also add other ways it can negatively affect people, including people like me who have no shame.

I want to add that I’ve been led to believe that for many people who experience romantic and sexual attraction, kissing someone or cuddling them can start up a desire to “go further,” to add tongue and groping genital areas and eventually end in sex.

I am asexual, but I have experience with romantic attraction. For me, I’ve always been satisfied with kissing and cuddling. It doesn’t cross my mind to maybe start turning the encounter sexual, and I definitely do not want this to lead to sex.

Also, some asexuals are totally okay with and may even seek out sex. The key thing that links all asexuals together regardless of how often we seek out sex or how much we enjoy it is that we don’t experience sexual desire. Think of it like you can not be hungry for food (not experience sexual desire ever), but choose to consume it anyways because it tastes good (choose to have sex because it feels physically good) or because it makes your partner happy. You could accurately say that you like food but don’t ever get hungry (like sex but don’t experience sexual attraction). Except in this case, it’s an actual valid orientation and not a reason to get checked out by a doctor the way you probably should if you’re never hungry.

There are also some of us who do experience a libido, a sex drive, but it still won’t make us look at a person and think “I’d tap that.” We might satisfy it with sex or masturbation, but the key difference is that we don’t feel that same strong impulse to have sex with someone else that other people describe as being so intense it’s a “need” and a passionate longing for their object of desire.

I saw a comment further down where you’re trying to learn more. https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/home.html is a pretty nice resource.

I am ace and am super curious how we might treat this different from an allo.

The way I decide is that I marry the person I like the most, kill the person I like the least, and fuck the leftover.

https://libreddit.projectsegfau.lt/r/intersex/ and https://libreddit.projectsegfau.lt/r/salmacian/ denies Reddit hits while letting you look at the site anyways. I’m pretty sure there was another Lemmy instance whose purpose was just to archive Reddit posts but I can’t find it right now. I’ll look more and edit this post if I find it.

EDIT: https://lemmit.online/.

https://the-eye.eu/redarcs/ is a Reddit backup, and I know r/DataHoarder started trying to archive all of Reddit. https://libreddit.projectsegfau.lt/r/DataHoarder/comments/146msr8/is_there_a_complete_backup_of_reddit/

Also piggybacking to say that aesthetic attraction can exist without romantic attraction as well.

There are lots of girls who look good, and who I like looking at. However, I’ve never felt any urge to have sex with them or take them on dates.

It’s basically like looking at sunsets or cute animals, but with people instead. You’d never have sex with them or date them, but they sure are enjoyable to look at.

Hey, using asterisks here will put things in italics if you happen to enclose any text in between them.

The quick brown fox *jumped* over the lazy dog.

becomes

The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog.

If you want to censor words, you’ll need a backslash.

F\*ck this sh\*t, I’m out.

will display as

Fck this sht, I’m out.

but if you do not use the backslashes, you will instead get

Fck this sht, I’m out.

Also, aromantic people are the people who do not want romance. Romantic people do want romance.

Never thought about this, this is such a smart thing to consider!

My new name has no similarity to my old name. Both will get my attention. This may be because we’re just different people with different brains, but it could also be that I introduced my new name in college, where I got lots of practice introducing myself with it, and the new name was the only name with which I heard myself addressed. The old name only comes out with my parents, but I do have 18 years of responsiveness to that name and only that name that are probably difficult to stamp out of my subconscious.

Also just realized that back when I only had my old name, some people shortened it to a nickname that begins with a different sound. This probably primed my brain to be responsive to that different sound as well, and my new name begins with that sound. Think “Elizabeth” as an old name, people shortening to “Liz,” and settling on “Lily” for a new name. I didn’t consciously pick the new name based on the nickname, but given the nickname was usually only used by people I liked, it’s possible it factored in subconsciously.