You can get some chesscum by eating the white squares and pieces on the board.
That's why white is considered to have an edge, because white usually sacrifices a pawn, which can then be eaten by the player.
I think we're saying the same thing, I'm just adding an additional line:
Coping = short term numbing the pain.
Survival Strategy/Crutch = long term numbing the pain.
Healing = working through those feelings.
And in this framework, sure, some coping mechanisms are healthier than others, but since they're all short-term only and allow you to move into the headspace to heal, they're basically all valid and healthy for that purpose.
And most people will use some sort of crutch to get into that headspace.
Missing out on a promotion and drawing a painting right in your bosses office after receiving the message is as difficult and unrealistic as sitting down right there and then and meditating on that feeling. Most people will try to make it through the day with distraction, be it alcohol, work, sugar or all of them combined. Once people are home, then they will paint their picture, go for a walk, sit down and meditate, talk to a friend, whatever their healing strategy may be.
And people who continue with their coping strategy turn it into a crutch. And that is when it becomes unhealthy.
The main advantage of having this short-long term differentiation is preventing the shame of using something addictive and thus causing you to beat yourself up over it. But other than that distinction I agree with your points fully.
I was trying to get you to question the believe that lazyness is an evolutionary trait. Like the post you replied to said: Find the root cause of your lazyness.
Because it's almost always not an evolutionary trait, it's avoiding negative emotions.
As you said:
Doing dishes (bad) -> do nothing (good)
But, with boredom, this would result in this:
Doing dishes (bad) -> do nothing (good) -> boredom (bad)
Thus, we get negative emotions again. But we can avoid the final negative emotions by lying on the couch and spending energy looking at a screen. And our chain looks like this:
Doing dishes (bad) -> looking at screen (good)
Because being bored is hard. If you want to see how hard it is, decide to just stare at a blank wall for the next 30min-1h instead and watch your brain fight this decision as hard as it can.
Thus saying "I'm lazy" and "being lazy is an evolutionary trait" results in "I can't do anything about me being lazy". And that is an easy way to avoid having to face and work through those negative emotions.
Put in the work and heal from that on my own?
Allow and admit to myself that I have a long road ahead of me. Accept that I will fall back into resentment sometimes. There's years of experience with resentment, but only a few minutes of trying to heal. And that it will be a lifelong fight that will only get easier, but will never be gone, like an addiction.
Listen to how it feels having those years of resentment in my past. Try to accept and feel that feeling. Try to ask myself to what and why I was reacting with resentment. And question every truth/fact and answer that comes up. And question if the question is the right question. Really trying to get to the core of the resentment. Was I always resentful? How did I discover resentment as an answer to whatever caused it? What was the first thing in my life I resented? What am I trying to protect? Is there a better way to deal with it?
There are many more questions that would need answering, but these should give you a good start. Not all of them will be immediately obvious. Some will have an answer at first, that doesn't sit quite right. But your subconscious will use the available time during downtime (going for a walk (without music), going to bed, etc.) to eventually come up with the correct answer or question. But it will take time.
Ediacarium @ Ediacarium @feddit.org Posts 0Comments 46Joined 12 mo. ago
This is disgusting. Who enters dates in month/day/year order?