What kinds of toxic masculinity have you encountered?
DrivebyHaiku @ DrivebyHaiku @lemmy.ca Posts 0Comments 27Joined 5 mo. ago
DrivebyHaiku @ DrivebyHaiku @lemmy.ca
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This is a very America centric veiw and even if it is a steel man it deserves a counterpoint.
After WWII most of the nations who were old empire builders were decimated. The general feeling was even those on the winning side didn't feel like they'd won. The rebuilding was slow and economic austerity lasted for decades.
The American prosperity of the 1950's and 60's wasn't "normal". America didn't have international competition it otherwise would have and that power gave them bargaining rights which made them both culturally dominant as they projected a sense of prosperity and politically powerful due to the resources at their disposal. Opposition to America was potentially disastrous and America threw their weight around like crazy. They expanded their military with these resources and established bases in countries too weak to oppose them.
America came out of the war with something of a Big Damn Hero complex. Communism, for all it's perceived threat was also a handy excuse to pursue expansion and in keeping American supremacy in place. Whether countries wantes to be "protected" or not really has a lot of across the board nuance. A lot of American political will was coercive and a lot of the things done in the fight for "democracy" were disproportionate and horrific.
Really a lot of the American supremacy at bottom was might makes right. With the world finally recovering economically and now able to speak as equals the US is using measures that demand a return to that economic supremacy and stranglehold. The larger sore points are growing. The world doesn't need one big power in charge. They don't need a king with a standing army. They want to make their own choices and have freedoms to not conform to whatever America wants and the attitudes Americans show to disregard that will is garnering response.
Really not looking forward to a repeat of the time of the Hogwarts Legacy game. Online Trans spaces were being brigaded with every reveiw or JKR tweet and comment sections filled unchallenged with tacit endorsements after the trans voices fell silent because we were all just hoping the abuse would stop. That the HP targeted adds and their companion transphobic political adds riding on the wake of the high on queer creators would dry up. The media, the platforms the people coming into places proclaiming they are gunna buy multiple copies of the game to show us what is what. The suicidal ideation of our most vulnerable friends as they deal with feelings of being targeted and feelings of being unwanted or ignored by the world...
Most people not caring might not be "valid" but it will feel like the truth again.
Statement wise "I don't want the government to tell me what to eat" or variations could mean basically anything. Most of the time it's posturing on behalf of the idea that a lack of government regulation is a good thing which ignores a rather bloody history of food suppliers adulterating food with harmful substances in the name of preservation / cheapening production cost or using production practices that cause the likelihood of contamination of food.
Once you scratch the surface of the argument you can usually figure out more exactly what they mean and it often isn't things like government subsidy programs publishing food pyramids based on shady science and economics rather than in the interest of health.
Often it's based out of perceived personal inconvenience or the appearance of moral judgement such as when there's some sort of health labelling initiative.
In Canada there are a lot of things that are not considered legal additives for food that are used in the US and the difference in strictness is in part because the Health care system in Canada is funded publicly. Producers of foodstuffs cost the government money directly if whatever they put in it has no nutritional value and causes known health problems. Rather than let companies create messes and tragedies which the government is on the hook to clean up when people's health fails they remove the issue at it's source. In the US there's less incentive as these costs become scattered in the form of individual medical bills and oftentimes the savings are from food being shelf stable for longer. Shrugging one's shoulders at the fallout or claiming its an exercise of "freedom" is in service to those who make money hand over fist.
Hey, Non-binary trans masc person in trades here.
I can tell you how I perceive different types of co-worker if it helps you want to dial in what it's like on the other side of the experience. There's layers to the whole situation and as non-binary folks we understand what we are asking for isn't automatically going to click and requires people to figure us out.
First up : Most of us end of day aren't going to rock the boat for anything less than fully agregious behaviour so calls to report other people for being mildly offensive are probably not actually going to go anywhere. Most of us are scared of being labelled "a problem" so we just take the hits when they come. If you are a boss and notice a non-binary person sticking closer to specific people and avoiding others there's a good chance that they've found the people who are safe and avoiding ones who aren't. A great accommodation that can invisibly help is just to recognize this strata and if a task nessesitates putting people together try and pair along these lines. A lot of co-workers wait until other people aren't around to let their nastier behaviour shine.
Now to co-worker types. Aside from the full on transphobe or problem persons there's a range of different stages of cool people.
The "I don't really get it" Co-worker pays lip service to the polite aspects of using pronouns. They are the type to introduce you to others by misgendering you and then flap their hands and go "Oh no sorry 'they'". We know they don't get it or don't really care. The misgendering still hurts but they are fairly benign. They make these accidents non maliciously and are afforded grace. If they step in it we basically disregard because they aren't really worth the effort of getting too comfortable around. We make these accommodations for strangers daily. Annoying but nessisary.
The "in training" co-worker is one whom is encountering their very first trans person. They want you to be their Obi wan and their enthusiasm is a bit of a double edged sword at times. It's tiring to teach people to dance when they keep stepping on your feet but the job needs doing. Some of us veiw this as our own brand of service to the cause of normalizing ourselves more widely. Some of us just don't want to be bothered. Either way, just wanting to learn is heaps better than ambivalence. If you fuck up something, don't make a big deal about it. It's not that you're a terrible person and should have known better. Our stuff takes practice and we know it's not intuitive.
The "A little too up in our shit" co-worker is excited to know the real you but looks at you as a beautiful creature in need of preservation. They might seek to advocate on your behalf or behind your back but the attempt is clumsy and often at odds with a non-binary person's desire to just get through the workday as a regular human and not make waves. Good enthusiasm sure, we're probably friends but for the love of God we're adults and we can sort out our own shit if need be.
The "Understands the Assignment" co-worker is just comfortable to be around. They don't have to be the most tuned in to all the nuance about our specific needs in ways we require more out of partners, family and friends but they treat our basic requirements as no big deal, maybe they occasionally ask questions to check in if they catch us struggling or reacting but aren't going to narc to the boss on our behalf. They either avoid all stereotypes associated with sex or in the case of trans mascs/trans femmes they treat us like one of the boys/girls. Gold standard.
I think you are placing the bar for facism a bit high friend. You don't have to be in government or influential in any way to be a fascist. You can be a homeless person who hasn't spoken to another person in a year and still be a fascist. You can also be a fascist without believing that you are..
Fascism is both a set of beliefs taken to an extreme and actions wittingly or not done that furthers the power or reach of an organized group who holds those beliefs. More or less it means facism can be something you do rather than something you believe strongly in. Your rank and file facist is tricked into the position.
Joe Rogan is either a facist or a puppet/ tool of facists that serves as a algorithm kidnapper into their pipeline to normalize their veiw points. Whether Rogan himself holds these beliefs personally is kind of irrelevant. It is the use to which he has been put and the damage is done.
Absolutely. I belong to a non cheating group. It's just seems completely unfathomable that it could happen. Most of us are in 15+ year relationships and are friends with everyone. It's not just a "the women are friends with the women, the men are friends with the men" situation. We got a blend of genders all participating in the same hobbies. There would be so much social cost to cheating it would be kind of insane.
Where I work though there's a decent amount of drama in that regard though and I have noticed that one common factor is that the relationships are atomized. They either keep their old friends going in and there's almost zero expectation of their partners integrating into each other's friendships or there's just this expectation that men and women are fundamentally different creatures. That whole men are from Mars women from Venus shtick. From the outside it seems like emotional distance where people look at each other like they aren't targets of empathy - more like they play by a book as if they can just put the right inputs in they will get the desired outputs.
I know this is entirely anedotal and that anybody could theoretically cheat for any number of reasons... It's just something that I noticed about the groups of cheats that I am aware of.
Very individualized as per need. Non-binary is an umbrella term for a whole bunch of different situations so what feels right is going to be very different for someone who feels like say a mix of masculine and feminine versus someone who has dysphoric reactions to any and all gender markers. It's going to be different for someone whose identity is more static than say someone who fluidly bounces between extremes.
If you know someone who is non-binary that's essentially just the tip of the iceberg of a whole discussion about how they personally interact with their body or the culture of gender. A lot of people seem to treat it as a full stop third category which can actually be a disservice to a non-binary person because it oftentimes just leads to a lot of new assumptions and frames out some of the ways they could be better treated than just as automatically genderless. I've heard of mixes of Mom/Dad for bigender people, just Mom or Dad for trans masc/femme folk, Completely new words that do not have cultural baggage, or just "my parent". It's not a one size fits all situation.
I've heard "Mawpaw" for a bigender person before which sounds kind of delightfully southern.
It really isn't that simple. The north didn't have as much strict segregation but in a way it was because they didn't have to. Economic pressure reinforced by subversive hiring practices, prejudice in housing and hostile attitudes kept black communities tight knit and localized which meant you didn't have to have specific "Colored schools" because they were created by these forces squeezing folks together into controllable blocks of population.
In the South the fall of segregation had a number of nasty fallouts which harmed black communities as well. When they merged the systems there was a historicly significant loss of black teachers. People got up in arms over really stupid questions like "What if my menstruating daughter had a black male teacher" and that prejudice ensured that a lot of the teachers who understood the challenges of being black in America were no longer in a position to help students.
This meant that effectively in the North segregated schooling continued to be a thing in practice but not in name while in the South it wiped out infrastructure that was helping black students succeed. It was handled incredibly poorly and was not unambiguously good but it did change a lot of the legal categorizations and is considered a win.
Technically that was a calculated movement of it's time. They wanted a black character in a role that spoke to an easy childhood concept of authority to imply that power dynamically having black people in a dominant respected role in social spaces is a normal thing one doesn't need to get upset over. Hence the whole friendly cop thing.
They were aware through the gay black actor they had in the role that police was something minority communities had issues with but the hope at the time was that more diversity in the force would be a solve. It's naive from a modern standpoint but they did try.
It was sad that they purposefully kept the gay part of the actor's identity under wraps. They knew they were asking him to do something harmful by keeping his private life strictly secret but the actor agreed that he was doing something he deemed worth the sacrifice.
It's not nessisarily skewing the narrative, it's just not providing context. Terrorist acts have a narrow definition in Canadian law. This guy could be a spree killer motivated by racism but unless that killing is for premeditated ideological, religious or political reasons to coerce a specific result or change of policy from the population / Government it doesn't fall under the definition.
No manifesto or claim of reasoning or connections found to groups that claim responsibility - no terrorist designation.
A terrorist attack has a narrow definition in Canadian law where it is specifically part of a premeditated ideological, religious or political attempt to influence government policy or to intimidate a section of the public to a specific end. Basically if this guy didn't have a manifesto or ever stated his reason within this rubric and was not part of a group that has specific aims then it follows under a regular old spree killer homicide unless it was racially motivated in which case it is also a hate crime.
Whether one uses cars or guns is not a factor in determining what counts as a terrorist act. The reporting on this has not been great ar clearing up this point.
There's a very specific rubric for what counts as a terrorist attack in Canada. Probably the level of calculation and premeditation involved was a factor and that he's not a part of an ideologically organized group that is trying to influence behaviour of a government or political body.
A spontaneous hate crime made against a population is technically not a terrorist attack by Canadian definition. To count you have to have done it for a narrow slice of very specific reasons.
But there are a lot of things that exist that aren't exactly friendly. People often hinge their belief or disbelief in any divinity singularly on the bible. They consider proof of God existing is based on whether all the claims made in an old book are true - not that it is a fallible piece. It either has to be all true or all false which is not how any scientific text more than a decade out of date has proven.
Not saying that means anyone should start praying. The God as listed in the Bible given their behaviour does not seem either omniscient, omnipotent or benevolent but those ideals have shaped a lot of the discussion about whether something classifies as a "true" God or not. A lot of thought and debate goes towards squaring that circle. Sometimes the easiest answer is that lies exist. The presense of other gods are noted in the bible. Maybe that one was just a super powered Narcissist.
Technically that would be a defense if the god in question was actually as powerful as they say they are or that they are nessisarily good. There is always a possibility that Gods exist but are not on the hook to tell the truth and their goals do not align with humans.
A lying god telling the kids they have magic powers well beyond them and proving it like an uncle playing a dumb trick on the three year olds at a family reunion is a possibility. Maybe God exists and is just kind of an ass?
Trans masc person checking in. Might be my bias or community or something but I get way less misgendering by guys under 30 than basically any other demographic. They seem to pick it up faster and be really chill about it in ways that a lot of the women in my life really don't seem to get as comfortable with.
But there is definitely a part of my brain that sees men as being of my tribe in ways that women are not. Like not to say that I don't have incredible women in my life whom I have incredibly close bonds with... But there's definitely some kind of cognitive distance that has always kind of been there.
I think trans femmes might experience a similar situation with feeling accepted by women ( Or maybe not because TERFs tend to look at them as a threat) but to answer your question about if the bros are alright... Yeah, they good.
We know we aren't flashy. The world kind of forgets about us sometimes because we are next to the loudest kid in the class. We are proud generally of the co-operation we have with other places and groups. Our medical advances raise waters that lift all ships , we have a space program that primarily assists other nations space exploration. We have a military but we are primarily devoted to UN peacekeeping.
The Canadians were a pivotal force tasked with the Italian Campaign in WWII which had some of the most brutal on the ground city fighting of the war. My Grandfather was there from the beginning to the end of the Campaign... Yet I have heard Americans on here ask "Did Canada storm the beaches of Normandy?" as some kind of "gotcha" to shame us because they don't know that we had our own beach operation but all they know is that Americans were there because Hollywood only shows American battles.
We are used to being kind of forgotten but we can be proud of ourselves for a job well done.
As a gay trans guy who grew up in the 90's trying to sort out the toxic masculinity/internalized misogyny while fully closeted and being unaware that other trans men exist is a trip. Like doing all that "I have no emotions and refuse anything remotely girl-coded" song and dance kind of made me into what looked from the outside like a "pick-me" for years and I was relentlessly pursued romantically by people I just wanted to hang out and drink beer with. It was isolating and fucked up even if the behaviour soothed the dysphoria.
Had to address the internalized misogyny thing first, realize that was not motivating the trans portion of the issue and then had to work on getting off the toxic sauce that felt so darkly affirming and actually spend time with cis men who had properly deconstructed their own masculinity. Now I'm generally way better off and have a bunch of folk whom I brunch with who gas each other up over cocktails.