I can only speak for myself, but there is more to this than just fear of death. It is my eyes being forcibly opened to how evil and stupid so many people are. I've always known there was evil in the world, I've always known that from time to time evil comes into power and does an enormous amount of damage, but I never in a million years could have guessed how widespread and common evil really is. People I love, and who I thought loved me are showing their true colours, as are people I have known for decades. I can't help but look back on my life and think "Was all this fake? The good times, the memories, was it all just bullshit? Were you evil the whole fucking time??" If we were in Germany in the 40s, these are the people who would have sold me out to the Nazis.
Being born on this planet and living through a time like this is like being six years old and arriving at an amazing looking birthday party with balloons and cake and presents and pony rides, only to find out that the cake has been poisoned, the ponies are being beaten with a whip, and your best friend is trying to stab you to death with the cake knife because he wants your balloon. Being at a party with people like that kind of spoils the whole experience.
Being surrounded by evil and stupidity, being betrayed by the ones you love, it makes me feel like all the good times and memories are just an illusion and there is nothing for me here. No point to any of it. So my mental health suffers, just like OP's mental health suffers. I can't see a way out of this. What has been seen cannot be unseen. What has been realized cannot be unrealized. So, it isn't the fear of death that is getting to me. It's living in this fucking nightmare.
Interesting about the carbonation. I used to think I was addicted to the sugar in soft drinks. Turns out, nope, I'm addicted to the bubbles. I drink carbonated water like it's going out of style, and rarely drink the sugar drinks now.
You definitely don't need to feel alone, there are legions of us out there. Our experience is not uncommon. I'm sorry that you had to go through that. I hope you can find some peace, and that you can reconcile (if desired) with your parents. It took a long time, but I eventually did and things are a lot better now.
When it comes to financial stuff, probably a 7/10. I had piano lessons, riding lessons, summer camp, etc. I honestly have a lot of fond memories of all that stuff. When it comes to abuse, probably -7. Lots of physical violence, screaming and yelling, threats to kill my animals, threats to kill me, threats for them to kill themselves, constant criticism about literally everything, and having to walk on eggshells my entire childhood and living in a constant state of extreme stress because I never knew when things would blow up and I would get my ass kicked for something random like not setting the table correctly.
I was going 7 over the limit as per my story, a great big 50km/h hour sign where 40 km/h was only enforced certain hours of the day, certain days of the week, certain months of the year, all of which I was expected to read within literal seconds, and didn't slow down enough in time.
Any traffic enforcement officer would literally laugh in your face if you told them I shouldn't have a license. Grow a brain. This will be my last post. Jesus Christ you are such a fucking moron.
LOL, a suspended licence for going 7 kms over the regular speed limit. Yeah, you're a rational person alright, and I should take any argument you have seriously. Ok.
And you know that you don't have to gas, maintain, insure or rent a car that you borrow from a friend of family member, right?
Going 7 over the regular limit does not make me a danger to society you absolute lunatic, and it is the responsibility of the government to make sure that signage is CLEAR and READABLE to people on the road.
You know that you can drive a car you don't own right? And not every person who is ticketed is driving like an asshole. I got a 100 dollar ticket for driving 57 in what was normally a 50 km zone, but there was brand new signage up that I had literally 4 seconds to read (I went back and timed it) that gave: months of the year, days of the week, and hours of the day that the new 40 km/h speed limit was enforced. But because I can't read at the speed of light while driving down the road, bam, ticket.
Thanks for posting this. My feelings about celebrating Canada have become so complex since I became an adult and starting learning about Canada's true past. I love my country, and would very willingly die for this country (a feeling that became VERY clear to me with Trump's talk of annexation), but I can't deny that I will never see this country quite the same way I did when I was young and naive.
This land was stolen, it should never have happened, but the clock can't be turned back, and now there are legions of us born here, and for better or for worse we are part of this country now. I also view everyone here as my brothers and sisters, and I'm glad there are native people willing to view us that way too, although quite frankly I would not blame them if they didn't.
We can only move forward. That's what the Truth and Reconciliation movement is all about. Acknowledging the horrors of the past, and trying to move forward in peace together. I hope that Canada can turn into the country I thought it was when I was young.
I can only speak for myself, but there is more to this than just fear of death. It is my eyes being forcibly opened to how evil and stupid so many people are. I've always known there was evil in the world, I've always known that from time to time evil comes into power and does an enormous amount of damage, but I never in a million years could have guessed how widespread and common evil really is. People I love, and who I thought loved me are showing their true colours, as are people I have known for decades. I can't help but look back on my life and think "Was all this fake? The good times, the memories, was it all just bullshit? Were you evil the whole fucking time??" If we were in Germany in the 40s, these are the people who would have sold me out to the Nazis.
Being born on this planet and living through a time like this is like being six years old and arriving at an amazing looking birthday party with balloons and cake and presents and pony rides, only to find out that the cake has been poisoned, the ponies are being beaten with a whip, and your best friend is trying to stab you to death with the cake knife because he wants your balloon. Being at a party with people like that kind of spoils the whole experience.
Being surrounded by evil and stupidity, being betrayed by the ones you love, it makes me feel like all the good times and memories are just an illusion and there is nothing for me here. No point to any of it. So my mental health suffers, just like OP's mental health suffers. I can't see a way out of this. What has been seen cannot be unseen. What has been realized cannot be unrealized. So, it isn't the fear of death that is getting to me. It's living in this fucking nightmare.