Alice @ Alice @beehaw.org

Unfortunately alive. USAmerican, gay

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Joined

1 yr. ago

Narcissism, like all personality disorders, is a trauma response and also not indicative of someone's moral character as you can get help and learn not to act on your worst inclinations.

Asshole is a behavior.

Everyone's saying bots but I think some of it is human-generated ragebait. Like that person who posted twice like "why did my friend block me" with screenshots of them devolving into crytyping as they tell said friend how stupid they are for being autistic.

(I took that bait, don't judge, it was cathartic 😔)

As for why, I couldn't tell you. Maybe they're not getting enough engagement on Reddit anymore or maybe it's not fun because Reddit already hates autistic people and will side with them. Who knows.

I've never seen anyone win an argument. What would that even look like? What's the goal?

She's not your friend if you hate her, think she's stupid, insult her disability, and compare her to a dog and a robot.

Ironic you think autistic people are stupid but you have to ask why someone would block you over this shit.

FYI, you're not special enough for the whole wide world to be out to get you. Friends checking in on each other is normal.

Not great. I'm really lethargic lately. I don't think I've done one thing for leisure, it's all just cook/gym/work/sleep. Any second I'm not doing what's necessary to maintain my body or my paycheck, I'm out cold.

My therapist had an emergency so we've had to delay the session by quite a bit. I have some social engagements coming up and I wanted to talk with her before canceling them. I think I'll just do it, I don't think I feel like meeting people.

The weird thing is, the majority of the time I wasn't even criticizing them. A lot of the time I'd be bitching about my own life and I'd try to be as specific as possible but my friend was convinced I was secretly talking about him, and our other friends agreed I was partially at fault.

Of course the times I did criticize them went even worse. I developed a habit of just agreeing with them and complying to all their criticisms of me, but that upset them more because it turned out they didn't believe all their criticisms and just said them because they were mad.

I don't know. I just don't want to make friends anymore because it's damned if I do, damned if I don't. I keep shoving myself into queer spaces because I always wanted to find love before I die, but I don't think I like being close to people anymore. It's confusing and uncomfortable.

I went through a lolrandom phase as a teen where I just said nonsensical or edgy things to try to get a laugh out of people. He probably just wants attention.

She's under no obligation to put up with it if it's annoying or gross, of course. Not getting the reaction you want is part of how you grow out of it and learn how to have a sincere conversation.

A minor thing, but I stepped on a nail once. Went pretty deep in, and I threw a fit when my parents pulled it out because I was scared. I have no idea how old I was. I just remember being a little kid, recounting it as something that happened a long time ago, and my older sister went, "please, that never happened".

No idea why she said that. Over the years my memory got hazy and I assumed I'd been telling tales as a kid. Then one day in my 20s, my mom mentioned how pissed she was at dad for dropping that nail in the floor 😐

Oh yeah, when Squidward dreamed about blowing SpongeBob.

We weren't allowed to watch Graveyard Shift when I was a kid because it scared my little brother 😂 it was years before I learned the Hash-Slinging Slasher was just some guy

Thirding Band Geeks, that was the highlight of my childhood. Great visual gags throughout, and it's nice to see Squidward come out on top for once. Also Squilliam was absent from the show for so long I thought he was dead.

I also really liked Frankendoodle and I Was A Teenage Gary for the absurdity.

I work for a big fucking store that shouldn't exist and it makes me mad every day.

Holidays are the worst. At Christmas the two big things we push are electronics and cheap chocolate, aka the two things almost universally made by slaves. Imagine your religion's flagship holiday being a celebration of slave labor. Wild.

Every season we stock countless shitty synthetic t-shirts nobody's going to buy, of some overrated cartoon character with a different accessory badly edited on. The amount of plastic going into landfills in the name of Stitch or Charlie Brown makes me sick to think about. Don't come at me for calling them overrated, neither is worse intentionally destroying a planet for.

The amount of plastic waste we make on the job is awful, too. Half the time I bag an order, the bag splits and I have to grab another one. Do you think we're always in reach of a recycling can? Nah, that shit's going in the trash, along with the "paper" (plastic) we use to print our labels that misprint 90% of the time, the extraneous plastic bits that fall off the milk jug, and so on.

But it's the best wage I'm getting. So I silently fume for eight hours every day while I contribute to the ruin of a planet I ostensibly love. Oh well!

I don't live anywhere near LA but I work at Walmart and this is basically my inner monolog. My job is judged on speed but everyone needs to be in my way, moving as slowly as possible, usually with all 5,000 members of their immediate family spread out across the aisle in case an employee dares try to get anywhere.

That's just kind of how therapy works. They can't fix other people or society for you. The only reason to go is if you need help managing your own shit.

I agree that therapy is dogshit for depression because my depression won't be fixed by anything internal, but what is therapy good for besides internal change?

Thanks. It's probably not worth digging up conversations, I've been avoiding people I know for a while now so I don't remember verbatim how those conversations played out. I just remember the parts where a friend is spiraling because everyone hates him for being a colonizer and I'm like "I didn't say I hated you or was mad at you or that you're a colonizer?? I'm white???" or the part where a friend is talking about how evil he is for two hours while I'm trying to get him to stop and I feel like dogshit because I thought if I told him he was hurting my feelings he'd just apologize and we'd move on.

But that's not useful information if I don't remember exactly what I said before it. I just remember what I was trying to say.

That's reassuring, thanks. I feel insane sometimes from the effect I have on people when I think I've said something normal. My therapist didn't ask for any examples and just convinced me I'm rude af because I'm autistic and was homeschooled, but cutting out the "rude" behaviors never helped. In fact, people started melting down when they learned I'd done that.

"You stopped doing that thing I had a meltdown over? Why are you still hung up on what a dick I was?" When they'd never told me they were a dick or that they were wrong. I thought if I apologized for something, I'm supposed to stop doing it.

I just feel like I'm not appropriate to be around people sometimes because I do the right thing and everyone still has some kind of nervous breakdown.

It's pretty huge in the west too, though obviously not to the same extent.

I left reddit over API stuff, obviously.

Twitter had a few weeks where the algorithm was so broken people were getting recommended gore videos. Just a description of the most common one set off my OCD trying to avoid it. It was always kind of a shit website and not worth having an episode over, so I just deleted my account.

Tumblr's nsfw ban also nuked a bunch of communities that aren't inherently nsfw, but have large factions that are. Think like the furry fandom. I just woke up one day and my tags didn't work and my favorite creators were gone. PLUS the wording included the phrase "female-presenting nipples", which just sounds wildly transphobic and has no definition so they can ban whoever they want. And they doubled down on it a week later. Immediately uninstalled, heard they've only gotten more overtly transphobic since.

I don't even remember when I stopped using Facebook. I don't like being stalked by every heterosexual mom I went to church with as a teenager, so I never used it long.

Thanks ❤️ I just don't want to cope without close relationships, I guess, so I really want to know why I keep making people spiral.

Sometimes I think it's not me, it's them... But it's become so many of them.

Thanks, I really appreciate the suggestion. Probably not necessary though as I'm actually on my third therapist. I've been trying to figure out what's wrong with me for a long time. 😓