Acamon @ Acamon @lemmy.world

Posts

17

Comments

501

Joined

2 yr. ago

It's the dates they're laid!

Looking through their post history, they don't seem very concerned with being inspirational. Mostly being antagonistic, and racist of about romani people.

I think this is a pretty dumb topic, because it really involves a lot of stereotyping and bullshit (like the other comment suggesting that fancy cars aren't linked to penis size anxiety) but anyway...

If we take "penis size" as a metric that men believe is important to their sexual attractiveness, and the assumption that they buy expensive cars to compensate, then we could see the goal as increasing their diminished sexual value in an alternative way. A rich man with a small penis may (in this silly logic) be as sexually attractive as a poor man with a large penis.

So for women, what is a stereotypical number that they could worry about and try and compensate for? The two that spring to mind (in this clichéd view of the sexual economy) are age and weight. Weight feels different, as there are methods of managing it that are more effective than "this secret ancient method will grow your dong 3 inches!" but for many people it is not an easily controlled factor. Age is, chronologically at least, a one way street. For both of these, make-up and grooming are pretty effective at reducing the "negatives" (bleurgh!) of being old / overweight, but that would be the equivalent of men stuffing socks and salami down their pants. What is the equivalent of "I'm not conventionally sexually attractive, but I have other redeeming qualities, like a willingness to waste money trying to impress women"? I wonder if it's "being kinda slutty"?

When I think of the equivalent to the cliché of the needy middle-aged businessman in his sports car, I think of the stereotype of the middle-aged, overweight, divorcée wearing too much makeup and dressing too young/slutty. She's not really trying to pretend she's young and hot, she's visibly demonstrating that's she's willing to make an effort to attract a man "if I'm willing to look like this in public, think how much of an effort I'll make on the sack!"

But I think this is a pretty silly topic, and making stereotyped judgements about other people is pretty bad. The "facists have small dicks" memes that kick about are kinda funny, but are really just reinforcing a body image problem that exists much more in society and the minds of men than it does in the tastes of their actual sexual partners. And women can be whatever age, weight or whatever else they want, and dress how they like. Some people just love leopard print! No need to project society's ills onto them!

You're doing the Lord's work. As someone who lives in a country where I can barely speak the language this is a constant frustration.

I also hate how hard it is to override location for other searches. I travel back and forth to my native country regularly, and so I'm often trying to search stuff or buy things for a different country than the one I'm literally in. If Google is so keen on making money from me, why can't I tell it to do a Product search in a specific country, instead of forcing me to use a vpn to trick it?

This is something that I've spent a lot of time thinking about. I think there's a danger to doomscrolling and upsetting yourself about things you can't change, and it can be really unhealthy. But there's also a real danger from turning away from the bad things that happen. And in my experience, the people who know least about the world, who "don't follow politics", etc are often the people responsible for the problems.

Although wallowing in tragedy doesn't help anyone, being aware that bad things happen and doing what you can in real life to make the world a better place is important. But the moderation is important - getting upset doesn't help anyone. So I try to limit my time with current affairs to specific times reading articles and reports, so I can learn about the world in a calm way. Rather than the drip drip anxiety provoking chaos of 24 hour news and social media.

Do you perhaps mean self-individuation? That's what jung talks about the most. As I understood it, it's the process of facing up to who you really are and coming to terms with that. Jung's theory of the self proposes that our conscious self is only part of what's going on in our brains, and there's all these instinctual, repressed or just ignored parts of us that influence our decisions and reactions. The process of individuation is exploring, confronting and integrating all those parts, so that we understand and better manage their influence on us.

The idea is that while we grow up parents, teachers, other kids or adults, all teach us (intentionally or not) what is good and what is unacceptable for us to be. Some traits are not right for us, but still acceptable to society, and they often become part of our projection onto romantic figures, because we want to have those traits indirectly through them. So if you've been told to bottle up your feelings, and never express emotions you might be attracted to a parter who is kind and intuitive and emotionally aware. Or if you've been taught to always follow the rules and behave, you might find a wild, freespirit type strongly appealing.

Other traits are perceived very negatively, and so we don't consciously identify with or want them. But they're still there inside of us, and Jung argues these still influence us, however hard we try to suppress them. As is seen in how people project their negative traits onto other groups, and then punish those others rather than face the reality that those traits are inside all of us. This is called projection, and I sure you can probably think of some examples in contemporary life...

The process of individuation is learning to spot these traits in our subconscious, and bring them into conciousness and figure out how to integrate them into ourselves. By doing this we become deeper and more rounded individuals, gaining skills and qualities that we'd previously denied ourselves because "feelings are for girls" or "standing up for yourself is too aggressive and gross, and I hate violence so I'm not going to argue with this person instead I'll just go home and be passive-aggressive to my family".

Historically, people did exactly that and collected info in commonplace books.

Growing up back then I owned a lot of books (and borrow vastly more for friends and libraries). I had a couple of bookshelves in my room, but my family home had at least a dozen full sized bookshelfs. So although I didn't have access to the infinite info of the modern Internet, I read a lot of much more specific non-fiction books. There's a lot to be said about having a deeper and cohesive understanding of a subject, compared to reading a bunch of wiki articles and watching a few hours of YouTube on a topic (although I enjoy that too!)

Really depends on what you mean by useful. Looking briefly through your post history, it seems like a lot of your posts are news / politics. Are you hoping to use lemmy to educate and change people's perspectives? Because that's quite a different purpose than entertain and distract, or express an inner artistic vision, or grow the fediverse, and so on.

If you can explain what you seek from posting, we can get a better idea of whether it's working or not!

Like others are saying Bloody Marys & mirepoix. If you want to eat it raw with stuff, but you're not in love with the texture, I'd recommend lightly peeling the celery before cutting into sticks. Removing some of the chewy rind while leaving the crunch makes it much more palatable.

Not sure it fits your criteria, but Sausage Party was a complete surprise for me. I never wanted to watch it because it seemed dumb and purile. And it is, but also somehow it blew my mind and became one of my favourite movies.

Listen to a lot of renaissance lute music. Very mellow.

That's a really difficult issue. There's a lot of issues going on with a new family member, and your son is at a very challenging age around those kinds of issues. But, although it's very considerate of you girlfriend to consider putting your relationship above the future child, I wouldn't rush into that.

If I was your son, I would probably take a good while to adjust to the idea, to what it means for my life and my future, to re-establish my relationship with my father and so on. Although it would be difficult, it would also be a big step I growing up and having adult relation to the world. If the problem is just brushed away, I could imagine feeling a lot of guilt later. A future brother or sister that I will never know, that doesn't exist, just because I had an immature (though age appropriate) reaction.

We do lots of stupid stuff when we're teenagers, but mostly it's fine because we have time to grow past them. Something like this would have consequences that could haunt your family, and that puts a big burden on your son for not immediately being cool with it.

Absolutely. Part of it for me is that there's a horrible realist grief if I face facts, admitting to myself how little I am likely to achieve is a downer and part of me would rather live in the fantasy of optimism.

But I'm in the middle of a huge project of building a home, and for the next few years will not have any time for those extra little tasks I used to imagine I'd easily do some evening. So now I have to confront the choice - is this more important than the other tasks on my list? If not, is there a easy temporary solution that will be OK for a while? Or is this something for the far future when my life is completely different? If so I pack it up and put it in the attic.

So maybe it's fine that your valuables are packed away, because it doesn't really matter if they're on display, and you shouldn't feel bad about that. Or maybe putting some of them out temporarily on a bookshelf would be a compromise. Or maybe giving yourself the internal deadline of "I'll move these to the basement this weekend since I'm never getting round to the display case dream" will be the push your adhd brain needs to suddenly feel like it's actually super important and you'll find yourself hyper-fixated and driving to a late night store to buy your showcase...

For me, it's that my keyboard sometimes autocorrects to French.

Yeah, it's a pretty common thing. Many disadvantaged groups end up putting a lot of effort into how they look, because it's something relatively inexpensive they can control and express themselves through. That's why lots of fashion and culture starts among poor / gay / racial minorities, and then is co-opted (or appropriated) by the mainstream. So finding the look hot isn't too surprising, given that that's what they're going for - no one wears pristine white tracksuits for practicality.

And the confident / arrogant and outsider / dgaf attitude can be pretty attractive to someone, especially if that person is shy, or feels trapped / bored by the more conventional requirements of middle-class society. I think that's fine (nothing wrong with finding something hot) and can even be good, if it helps people overcome a lot of the social prejudice against working class culture. It can be problematic if it becomes dehumanising, seeing chavs as primal and animalistic, as happens disturbingly frequently with white folks fetishisation of black men.

Okra comes in jars? I can't even imagine what texture that must be!

No nails, gravity and large wooden stakes / dowels. It's amazing to me that people made this by hand, and by the looks of it it was some exquisite craftsmanship, but it's still functional hundreds of years later, unlike most things created today.

How faded is it?

Hah! I don't know if it's because of how old the wood is, but it's not very splintery, it has a smooth fossilised feel even though it's so uneven.