We were warned.

It appears to be the majority of Doctors most Americans can afford...

This is not what I thought they meant when they said universal healthcare.
- Child: Mom can we have universal healthcare? Mom: We have universal healthcare at home. The healthcare we have at home:
  It’s easy, pick any doctor in your network.

Excuse me, my esteemed aerial cephalopod, but I don't see a doctor in front of your name. Those sodas didn't end up hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt getting their doctorates to be dissed by you.

I'm far too modest to mention my 6 years at Harvard Medical School followed by a 4 year residency at Johns Hopkins and, of course, my 134 published papers in medical journals.
- a 4 year residency at Johns Hopkins
  I smoked pot with Johnny Hopkins... It was me, Johnny Hopkins, and Sloan Kettering... And they were blazin' that shit up everyday!

It's really too bad Kroger discontinued "The Fizzicist".

That's a frustratingly good name too.
I don't normally drink sodas but man do I want to drink that for the name alone.

The bar for soda medical school is just so damn low.

Me trying to explain the backstory of Britain's longest-running sci-fi series

Dr.who now that's a soda I have yet to try
Doctor:I'm the doctor. Me: dr what? Doctor: no no you're supposed to say who. Why did you say what. Doctor who intro starts and the title is "the carbonated waters of Mars"

I didn’t go to college for eight years just to be called Mister Pepper

Mr. PiBB dropped out of college

You missed Professor Peppy.

I know there's probably more, but i feel like this one is important.

He's not a real doctor!
- Whaaat?
- how do you know it's a He 😮‍💨

Moist Jesus

Back in my soda drinking days, Dr. Thunder was pretty legit.

It's a damn good replacement for Dr. Pepper, even today. Hell of a lot cheaper if you ever buy in bulk.

Fucked up in the crib sippin dr perky

Can you imagine if you went to the E.R. and were told your attending physician was Dr. Perky?
- Friend of mine: 'Haven't been "Dr Perky" since my first kid.'

No thanks. I'll stick with my Bepis.

I respect any soda that puts in the time and effort to earn a doctorate degree. You know who I don't respect? Mr. Pibb, who can can take his undergrad ass and fuck right off.

Excuse me, but Pibb now identifies as Xtra, not Mr. I think we should respect their gender identity.
It doesn't take a medical degree to know that stepping on a cushion would be comfy.

All this and yet Mr. Pibb is a step too far.

Mom: Have you seen a Real Doctor yet?

Me: ......yes......

Dr Perfect

Ok buddy, chill out.

I'm not looking for Dr. Perfect, just Dr. Right.
- Dr Perfect is the enemy of Dr Good Enough
- Best I can do is Dr Fine.

Does Dr. Oetker make soda?

The nazi pizza company? https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-24580073

Leave Dr Shasta alone. That shit (and its variants) slaps.

Cream Soda Shasta in a half-can is a time machine that sends me to my grandparents house when I was 7.
- My daughters love cream soda shasta. And so do I.

In the name of the Coke, the Pepper, and the Holy Sprite.

Not pictured: Dr. Smooth

(although it's been a long time - maybe they don't make this anymore?)

I want a Dr. Becker. I loved that show

Becker was on for so long but a lot of people still never gave it a chance.
Highly underrated show. It made me realize Ted Danson was actually funny long before The Good Place.
- Bored to Death did that for me.

Ha, Dr perky. Nice.

Is Dr. Perky a plastic surgeon?

I don't see a Dr. Harleen Quinzel anywhere.

Is there a drink called Mr. J?

Meanwhile in the Netherlands:

"Dr. Fine Soda"

He's not Dr. Perfect and he's not Dr. Right, but he sure is Dr. Fine.

I like Dr. Spice, no fucking around with them.

My favorite dumb Dr. name was "Dr. Furr's" from Furr's supermarkets in the 80s

There is some erotic Dr. Furr fan fiction that will not surprise you.
- I’m not sure how Roy Furr would feel about that. I wish I could find a photo of some old guy from the 60s to link but apparently it’s also the name of an Internet marketing person.

My favorite knockoff was one called "Spritz Up"

As a former soda enthusiast I will always die on this hill. Dr. Pepper is Dr. Pepper. No, your Mr. Pibs and Dr. Thunders are not "basically the same thing," just give me a damn root beer instead!

I absolutely agree. There's no beating the OG. But I'm a big fan of Dr Shasta too.

Dr PeePee when

Cool, now I'm on a quest to sample them all

Doctor Snag down there trying to hide from the police after the college students made a game out of mixing him 1:1 with whiskey and making pledges drink until they fall over.