Rule

Photoshop? I get my paycheck direct deposited and access the paystub via workday. I can just straight up use developer tools to make my pay whatever it needs to be (on paper, at least).

The crime of Forgery is what makes it less possible for me.

be gay 💜 do crime
Good thing pursuing paystubs forgery isn't worth it for landlords

Seriously. Lie on your resume. We expect it. All we care about is that when the time comes, you can do the job.

Source: IT business owner for 25 years who lied like a motherfucker in his resume when necessary.

PRECISELY FUCKING REAL.
Employers only actually care about three things:
punctuality: you are on time every time (and if anything is impeding your punctuality, you're calling ahead as soon as you are aware)
pliability: you follow directions (and if you have trouble, you'll openly and plainly ask for instruction and clarification)
predictability: you do not cause drama or make waves (and if anything disruptive DOES occur, you'll document it)
everything else can be trained,
if you satisfy these three prerequisites, you can almost always be trained, and,
if you don't satisfy these three prerequisites, you're probably not trainable at all.
- predictability: you do not cause drama or make waves (and if anything disruptive DOES occur, you’ll document it)
  remember kids, lie to the recruiter about your union sentiments so you can get hired and form a union.
- A caveat to this is that the person needs to be trainable. There are plenty of people that just can't absorb and process information, either at all or just quickly enough to not be an impediment to the rest of the team.
  Also, if you don't know, and you said you did, make a great effort to know before you are needed to know.
This is true but it only leads to an ever escalating circle of lies, HR would add random bullshit to the résumé that is not really required, the applicant will say that they know it all, HR would add even more, etc. This is not even enraging, it's sad 😞 I wish there was a possibility to actually tell apart what is required and what is not when I apply to a position
- First, if you're not comfortable doing the work, don't add it to the resume. Ultimately you are curating your career and your resume, and fake experience, need to reflect that trajectory.
  Second, HR is not allowed to add random garbage to the req. In my companies, that would get you fired on the spot. If you come across a company that does that, then you came across a company to avoid. What's listed in the req is what the manager thinks they'll need, which doesn't mean it'll always be correct. The req should also list the requirements in descending order of importance. A inexperienced manager might not do that at first, but after being flooded with resumes that prioritize skills that weren't actually that important, they start to adjust the job listing.

But who stole the land first?

My holy book here says it was me
- Oh well then, praise the (land-) lord!

The more you know