YSK how to pick a ripe, sweet watermelon

This is all good info except for the gender thing. The round/long difference is just a growth habit. Watermelon plants (and other cucurbits like squash, zucchini, cantaloupe, etc) produce male and female flowers. Only the female flowers produce fruit and must be pollinated by a male flower to do so.

Was about to post this. There is a fact check here: https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/factcheck/2022/04/26/fact-check-false-claim-male-and-female-watermelons/7366708001/ No such thing as male or female watermelons.
- So if I'm getting the info correct: the uglier the melon, the better it will taste
Awesome, thank you for the info! Always learn something new on lemmy.
Also the webbing would vary between varieties.
Also I doubt there's much variation in "ground spot" color.

Where's the part where you slap it?

That's between you and the watermelon, leave me out of your racy play.

This was bullshit the first 2000 times it was posted to reddit and it's still bullshit here.

Show us on the watermelon where the internet hurt you
- <shows pale, tasteless spot>
I just roll my eyes at it now.
FYI there is no reliable way to tell if a watermelon is ripe after it is harvested. The most reliable indicator is the tendril on the node the peduncle is attached to. When it is fully dry, the fruit is ready.

This is one of those things that I'll save and then never use.

This infographic brought to you by someone selling gnarly watermelons.

I'll just remember "pick the most fucked up looking melon with patchy orange spots and ugly crisscross webbing". It's probably not going to make the photo reel but it'll taste good.

The ugly ones usually taste better, just check that the ugliness isn't caused by molds
- in general I find this to be true with most fruits, the uglier the better. Those pretty shiny apples are shit.

Morgan Freeman taught me to flick melons to determine the ripeness in Unleashed, and I have honed the skill to a masterful level. Get weird looks from strangers sometimes tho..

Sounds like a great way to get sick or spread sickness.
- Maybe if you're Immuno-compromised, have bad hand hygiene practices, or go around people when you're sick.

Even on lemmy people still aren’t bothering to fact check things. Disappointing.

Okay how can I tell which watermelon 🍉 is best for insertion ???
- The markets where I buy are confident enough in their product that they cut the one you want to taste before you buy. I've never found a more reliable method than that.

Anyone know where I can find those sweet and juicy webbed females?

Um... Florida?
Bradford Watermelons was always my favorite. We'd get all sorts from them, but the watermelons would make it to the tasting menu.
https://bradfordwatermelons.com/
They also sold green runner peanuts before the pandemic.

This is horse shit

Nah, I'm just going to continue doing what I've always done: tapping the watermelon to hear the sound and pretend that I know what I'm doing.

YSK: Nonbinary watermelons are even better than male and female watermelons, but they're pretty rare so they tend to command a high price

The fuck is a "male" plant ovary?

When I see nonsense like this, I then distrust the entire YSK.
Yaaa the whole gendered fruit thing I will never understand
- I dont know about watermelons but there are a plethora of plants that can not produce fruit without being pollinated by another plant. Also if you ever self pollinate a plant you'll have to recognize the 2 different parts. Is it just the calling them male/female that bothers you? Edit: I guess I should say plants/flowers can have a sex, fruits I don't think would. They are just seed dispersers I believe.

In my family we just slap the watermelons

Don't be melon dramatic
What did they do to your family?
That is non of our business do what you like
Idk man you do you, but I prefer eating them

I worked at a grocery store and the old timer who trained me in the produce section said that all you needed to find the best watermelon was learn how to give it a slap and if it sounds like a basketball that's a good watermelon. Learning the slap takes some practice but when you do it right, you'll know.

Why the green arrow for the "wrong" one, and the red arrow for the "right" one?

3 of the 4 items (gender doesn't matter, variety does) are generally correct.
Source: I'm a former watermelon "cutter" (the guy that goes out in the field first thing in the morning and cuts the good melons off the vine, and turns them belly side up so it's obvious to the field workers which melons to load up)

Also, with the whole thumping thing, most people just look silly doing as they don't know what they're doing. If you do thump, ones that have a higher pitched ping are still green, and that have a really dull/flat thud are over-ripe/too gritty/sugary. Also, weight should feel right, too light and it's overripe/rotten.

In general, any melon sold at the store should be good, just take one and stop trying to be a hero. At least the farmers I dealt with are pretty ethical, they aren't purposely shipping bad melons. It just takes experience of seeing/handling melons for a while to get the "picking one" correct. Most store I know of have a satisfaction guarantee anyway, take pictures if it's bad and when you go back get a refund if you're that concerned with it.

I believe in China red/green meaning is reversed for things like this, where red means positive/good and green means negative/bad

None of these visual methods are reliable as these things differ greatly amongst melon varieties. The easiest way is just to knock on the watermelon like you would a door, if it sounds hollow on the inside, then it's ripe.

What does hollow sound like? High pitch or low pitch?
- Hard to describe, but it should sound more like you are knocking on an empty jug instead of a jug filled with water.

Just what i needed, thanks OP!

“by gender” 🫠

There’s nothing better and more comforting than sitting down with a cold watermelon in the middle of summer.

Conversely, there’s nothing worse than sitting down with an unsweetened, tasteless garbage ball of a watermelon.

Saving this to increase my odds!

Tasteless watermelon is a crime against humanity.
- I agree, but it's nothing a good sprinkle of tajin can't solve

Fruit don’t have “genders,” this is complete bullshit

I spent a season working in a packing house for watermelons. They'd come in by the crateload and we were allowed to just grab one to eat any time we wanted.

The trick I was taught, and which proved to be pretty reliable over the course of the season, was to feel the veins. (This is possibly what's being described as webbing here?) Watermelons aren't smooth, they have wide "veins" running top to bottom and you can feel them if you put your hand flat on the side of the melon. The bigger/poofier/wider the veins, the more ripe is it.

Tell me more about your veiny melons.
- As it turns out my wife's melons haven't ripened even after dozens of years. : /
Sus
😳

Never eat them, horrible watery bullshit and more effort than they're worth.

However, a very much appreciated post because my wife loves them and if this is true, I can become the Watermelon Wizard

Thanks, possibly:)

If you do become the Watermelon Wizard, will you be getting a cape? Or what do wizard wear... a mantle?
- I was thinking about just painting my balls green tbh
- You get two massive melons on your chest

This was definitely a topic of conversation at your 4th of July event.

what if watermelons just suck?

You shut your mouth!
- hey maybe I just live too far north to get good ones but now I just avoid them out of spite

Finally now I know my melons gender, now I won't get in trouble on twitter

Stop misgendering melons!
you won't get in trouble on twitter anyways, now
the elongated muskrat has blessed us with "freedom of speech*"

now do a honeydew

- The outside of the honeydew should also be tacky, like you can pick it up with one hand. If it's smooth and slippery, it's not ripe.