Definitely deserves a place in the food pyramid

Is penis a valid substitute or would I need to take any supplements?

I got your back. Chow down on some erect tissue. Grab it with both hands (if you can).
Both is good.
Eggplant

Is the chart legitimate at all sans the vagina joke?

The vagina joke is the most legitimate part of this chart.
how reliable do you think herbs-info.com is?
(the answer is probably: not very)
The first thing it tells you to eat is raw cocoa beans. I don't think you should.
- you cant stop me
Bro it's very real. Can't you see the scholarly citation?
Source: coaching and weight management.
As a doctor, I can say with 100% certainty that the chart below is completely incorrect. Your craves sweet because it is low on energy 5 different metals
No. Unless you hate life. The extra 5 years this will expand your life will be at the end, when you're feeling your worst and ready to die anyway.
Or: you could enjoy your life while you're young enough to, and in your prime, and much off maybe a couple of years earlier thereby avoiding those extra years you'd spend wishing you were dead.
Anyway, except in extreme cases, like obesity or diabetes, genetics play a larger role in your lifestyle and quality of life at the end than any lifestyle choices. Your job is mainly to avoid being a complete fat, unfit lard-ass; do that, and if you'll likely live as long as the average male in your family tree did.
- The extra 5 years this will expand your life will be at the end, when you're feeling your worst and ready to die anyway.
  The difference between growing old sickly or in good health is huge. You don't just lose the shitty 5 years, you make those before much more miserable too.
  It's not sugar or ultra-processed foods that make living worthwhile. You're just addicted to them right now.
  The original chart is trash anyway.

apparently you basically only need nuts. and possibly a vagina.

I got deez nuts, now gibbe da pussi plz

It says vagina, but they really want us to eat nuts.

The question then becomes, which nuts?
- deez
Some vaginas have nuts, so you can eat both

Craving carbs? Nah, you just need nitrogen. Just breathe some air, bro.

What even is that chart?

Where's cock and ass?

No homo but I also like cock. I Iove the sensation of a big throbbing cock in my mouth as it jizzes out cum down my throat. It's all part of a balanced diet.