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memes @lemmy.world

Stamets @lemmy.world

1y ago

The fuck do I do now?

36 comments

Pre-boil all their pasta and put in back in the box to make dinner easier for them next time
- Also pre-boil all their water and put it in the freezer for them.
  
  well thanks i guess for that rabbit hole i just dove head first down
- Who hurt you?
- Change where their silverware drawer is to assert dominance.
  
  I fart in the silverware drawer. So then they will open it like 'boy oh boy I need a fork right now OH NO ITS FARTS!'
- I want a friendship divorce and I'm taking the house with me
  
  Think of what this will do to the ottomans! Won't someone think of the ottomans!?
- Honestly if my friend did this I’d let her reorganize my kitchen.
  She’s about the same height as me, and lives in a tiny place, so she’d probably have some good ideas.
  Also my cabinets and drawers are a mis-match hodgepodge (they aren’t all the same depth or height; some of them have lost half their volume for unknown ancient-house reasons) so I’m always down for ideas.
Power up the SNES and grab a soda my dude!
- Soda in the morning!?
  I mean, I think I could drink it but I'm not in a mood... Unless I have tacos!
  Certainly this wouldn't be a problem as a kiddo.
Hangout with their mom in the kitchen
- You gotta schedule something for later, there wouldn't be enough time.
Just leave. They're probably listening to you while trying to remain motionless because they can't stand people in the morning. Go home. Break the silent stale mate.
Betray them by secretly leaving the house without leaving any traces behind. Putting your phone on silent also helps.
- And just take one or two plants.
  
  They'll know.
That'd be me. I'm usually the first one up in any situation. So sometimes I just go ahead and make the coffee and start the breakfast. I mean no one's going to get upset waking up to the smell of bacon and eggs and pancakes.
- You're a very grown up and productive child, unless you're still rocking sleepovers in your 20s and 30s. Either way, do you man, and pour me a cup.
  
  i think sleepovers in your 20s and 30s involve a lot more sex
  … i mean, at least in gay world they do
  
  That's a very apt description of me. I'm a grown up child of a man, and that's how I've always been. I have the 10 year old mentality but I'm actually five decades beyond that and I still act and even look like a younger man. Maybe it's the bacon and eggs.
- What if your friend has housemates? You just used other people's food, and now 3 out of 4 people who live there hate you
- What if your friend is a vegan?
  
  More for me, then
  
  Then they'd be up a dawn to absorb sunlight for sustenance.
  
  Peanut butter and jelly
Now imagine this before smartphones were a thing lol
- Gonna fire up their N64 and hope they don't wake up too soon, cause I want some alone time with it... I ain't got one at home, and I'm tired of being wrecked in Golden Eye just because they get to practice every day after school. Shh shhh shhhh ... sleep a little longer my friend. Them chickens coming home to roost any day now
Play on my phone, or if it's been like an hour I'll probably just dip out lol
Just bounce; especially if everyone was drinking.

36 comments