Ah yes, the special trick

My senior colleagues have already been cured of depression - I can't see any leftover soul in those eyes no more

Too real
Even robots can get depressed. Just ask Marvin.

Remember to stand up at your desk at least once every two hours!
A company approved counselor will be happy to speak with you for half an hour to counsel you that you're very lucky to be employed here!
Not one, but TWO free slices of pizza this Thursday!

Now you are a happy employee, your depression is cured, and most importantly you signed the mandatory form stating the company is not liable for anything

Don't forget the ramen!

If it's mandatory, you should be getting paid for it. Don't let them get away with forcing you to attend meetings while off the clock

I have a friend who was told working past hours wasn't "mandatory", but if you didn't do it, then maybe you "weren't a good fit" because "we only want team players"
Maybe it was something like that
- Possibly. If that's the case, then don't speak out until you have several coworkers on your side. At the same time as the collective action, start working as an organizing committee
- I would have to be really desperate for a job to work a second more than 40 hours a week. I don't even care if I would get paid more in overtime. I have a family. I'd rather see them. I hardly ever saw my parents because of how much they worked.
  Unless there were no other jobs available or something, I would just agree that I wasn't a good fit if that was what was expected, but I'm going to stay in the job until you fire me and I get to collect unemployment.

The company I work for started a suicide prevention initiative a few years ago. The stated goal was to have 0 suicides in a year and they sent out a bunch of performative bullshit about how we need to listen to each other vent about our problems. As if we aren't already bitching about work to each other all the time already. I was like... How about you guys maybe think about why so many of your employees want to off themselves so bad? They have yet to meet their goal.

"Why are you killing yourselves when we had a mandatory pizza party last Friday?"
- "Starting today, all suicides require a minimum of 2 weeks notice. You also need to train your replacement."
The stated goal was to have 0 suicides in a year
Sounds lower than the bare minimum.
- What? I've worked at lots of places where people don't kill themselves. I think in my entire history of employment it's only happened once.

The dreaded lunch and learn.

“Managing burnout” jesus tapdancing christ this is where we are as a society writ large

They tried that shit with me, I told them I already know how to manage my burnout and it's in the form of taking a vacation or walking now about that vacation request I requested this may.

Now I didn't say it exactly like that but more or less said that I take vacations that way I don't get stressed to the point where I walk, and asked if May was a PTO block considering I had a vacation request currently pending

Same here except there's no hr meeting, and I'm just forcing myself to do the things that used to make me happy in my free time instead of screaming into a pillow and drinking enough booze to dissolve me into the next lifetime

But they are two different cats