Well that depends on the laws where you live but if you actually want the contract to be enforceable then yes, it needs to follow certain rules, and no, you can't just "write any bullcrap".
Contracts need to follow the set of rules in your country that dictate what can and can't be enforced. It's an entire branch of law.
If you try and pull something like OP is suggesting, the worst case scenario is that it may render the contract an unlawful document and therefore void.
I imagine in most places things like what OP is suggesting would get laughed out of court.
You can have some fun though. I heard of one guy who, as a recruitment bonus, insisted that it be included in his contract that he receive an office desk made entirely of Lego.
I'm already dying of lymphoma but I'd like to know exactly when. The constant up and down of good days and bad days takes an emotional toll. If I knew I could relax completely and actually plan to do things.
Sure bud