Guess what? My HP 2000 Notebook PC laptop (not my daliy driver) decides it's a great idea to prefer "OS boot manager" (WBM), over "Linux Boot Manager" (sysd boot). The funny thing is that renaming the "Microsoft" folder in the ESP to something like "Macrosaft" fucking works. My daily driver lets me just set it in the UEFI BIOS screen.
Manjaro's to blame. Manjaro ships botched packages sometimes, and they are always two weeks behind, meaning you can't use the AUR lest you break your system.
Saudi Arabia is there? I would've NEVER guessed.