First of all, this thread is like, a month old? Why even bother responding to me at this time?
Anyway, "dude" is rarely gender neutral. Here are the two main definitions on Wikitionary:
(chiefly US, Canada, colloquial) A man, generally a younger man.
(colloquial, used in the vocative) A term of address for someone, typically a man, particularly when cautioning them or offering advice.
So yeah, totally a gender neutral word. /sarcastic
And it's pretty obvious where the dogwhistle is, calling someone with she/her pronouns clearly listed a "dude" in a disparaging tone. Going "oh but it's a gender neutral term" has the exact same level of insufferable, bad-faith smugness as an edgy 14-year old claiming that the swastikas they're scrawling on their desk are actually Buddhist symbols.
That being said, by choosing not to break gender norms, are you not helping reinforce what an idea of female is?
The thing is, I've only ever seen this argument employed against trans women and not cis women. Nobody bats an eye if a cis woman chooses to wear makeup and a dress, but if a trans woman does, certain people come out of the woodwork crying that she's an instrument of the patriarchy. Cis women can wear what they like, but anything a trans woman wears is a political statement.
I feel like the foundations of this sentiment rest on the idea that trans women are only "honourary women", total outsiders begrudgingly accepted into womanhood but still secretly regarded as some kind of potential intruder to be kicked out at first suspicions.
The thing is, gender roles usually prevent trans women (and sometimes trans men) from wearing those clothes in the first place. I'm a currently semi-closeted trans woman and I don't plan on wearing dresses or skirts all the time. But it's something that I've rarely had the chance to experience in the first place, that other women typically do. (Plus, I look kinda pretty in them :3)
Also most people associate wearing dresses and skirts as something women usually do, so people will be more likely to gender me correctly even if I don't "pass".
"So are cis women who like wearing dresses pushing stereotypes by existing?"
If they think so, point out that, by their logic, the only way to destroy gender stereotypes is to force women to wear certain articles of clothing, which is likely counterproductive to their goals.
If they don't, probably don't even waste your breath on them. The component keeping their internal logic together is likely some transphobia they're not willing to admit to.
Not quite. TERFs regularly team up with groups trying to dismantle women's rights to attack trans people. Their transphobia often uses misogyny as a blueprint (for example, attacking trans women for not meeting some kind of vague feminine beauty standard or defining womanhood purely by the ability to give birth). They're feminists in name only.
RIP Ball Ball