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4 mo. ago

  • I didn't get a degree until my thirties, once I got diagnosed and figured out my needs.

    For me it was:

    1. Accomodations,
    2. Meds,
    3. Moving a lot,
    4. Low music with a predictable beat and no vocals,
    5. Accountability checks (showing up for every lectures or partnering/grouping up for every assignment),
    6. Active participation,
    7. Learning by doing, and
    8. Learning by talking.
    9. For maths (the bane of my existence, but soooo satisfying once you get it!) I also got to do the exams in a separate room with headphones on, and could take breaks to run around the building or up and down the stairs a few times whenever I needed to restart my brain. Plus extra time to account for those breaks and the mental breakdowns that preceded them.
    10. Meds are essential for me, but they can make me miss cues from my body. So it's important to manage my body's needs like clockwork while on them, regardless of what I feel like I can do or do without in the moment: eat breakfast and lunch and an afternoon snack/mini-meal to avoid emotional outbursts or binge eating when the meds wear off. Take breaks (just stepping out or standing by an open window to breathe, or set an alarm and lie down with legs up and closed eyes) for a few min every hour. Go to the bathroom. Drink water. Blink. Do not put in overtime to "only" solve/finish this one thing -that thing won't get solved until you have a shower or talk to another human. Overtime/cramming will not be efficient studying, the goal is not just passing one test and forgetting, but actually learning and understanding...and resting is an essential component of that.
    11. Listening to online lectures (or even worse, pre-recorded one's) was impossible until I got a walking pad, and it made writing assignments and at home-tests way easier. For on campus-days I'd run up and down the stairs during every break in or between lectures (most teachers would do breaks every hour but if not I would just ask them for it). Blood flow through legs means blood flow to brain!
    12. Low music without vocals with a good chill beat fill the silence when people are talking too slow and keeps me on track when it gets boring, without stealing attention or focus by being too loud or interesting.
    13. With daily lectures I got a schedule and routine, which got me up and started in the morning and left a suitable time slot for lunch (missing lunch is a big no-no!). While doing assignments with someone else it was a lot easier to get started (I'm great at filling uncomfortable silences that happens when no-one know where to begin) and organise and section off the work into manageable parts, while having someone else to take charge of those last 5% that I seem unable to do.
    14. I need to take plenty of notes during lectures (might never read them again, but just the motion of writing the words help my listening and retention). I also always ask as soon as I get lost or have a relevant question, and attempt to answer any questions during (even if I get it wrong) a class. If I think my question will get answered I'll write it down and ask them at the end if I'm still unsure. If I don't do this, I'll get stuck on something in my mind and stop following along.
    15. I chose a school with a lot of practical learning built into the education. Lots of practical assignments, internship opportunities etc.
    16. Our brains are evolved for conversation, language and communication. When getting stuck, I usually need a break... But if the break doesn't solve it, explaining the difficult thing to someone else will often make me figure it out by the time I've finished talking. If not the other person might have an idea for how to think and move forward. Asking questions, explaining complex concepts to each other, bouncing ideas, telling stories are all great tools for learning and more importantly gaining understanding of a topic.

    Good luck, and if you managed to read all this: you're gonna be fine!

  • You can absolutely get excited about a soft luxurious rug curling between your toes and keeping you warm and silent on a cold nights excursion to the bathroom, compared to the wide-awakening shock of a cold floor or even an uninviting prickly gross old rug. Decoration is a bonus.

  • I much prefer speeding things up than slowing them down, especially talky stuff like lectures and video essays... But it's an interesting question.

    Maybe some fast paced comedies? Either the ones that have like 6+ jokes/minute or have a lot of visual gags or stuff happening in the background (for example Arrested Development, 30 Rock, Community and Parks & Rec).

    If you slow them down you might have time to notice, enjoy and appreciate more of the jokes before they move on to the next.

    Probably more efficient than rewatching to catch new stuff, but I don't know how the jokes will land slowed down.

    At least watch without subtitles so they aren't spoiled before they're played out, if you're able.

  • Cheap trash earplugs at concerts.

    Nowadays I have a good pair that I bring with me, but if the foamy yellow ones are the only ones available I'll buy them and within minutes pull them out to be able to hear anything except the person behind me butchering the lyrics straight into my ear.

    This way I can hear the music at the concert, and my worsening tinnitus the rest of my life. Win win.

  • I visualized "try" as watching a young child climb something that might be out of their comfort zone, so you're letting them, but stay ready to "catch" them if something goes wrong. I suppose "throw" would be if they soiled themselves in their fall, you can throw them back into the arms of their loving parent for cleaning.

    But fuck_around, find_out and yeet would be fantastic.

  • I've never heard a woman complain or be confused about not being asked out by strangers.

    It seems like your sources are a fair step into the manosphere, and you and your sons would have a lot to gain by distancing yourself from that kind of influence. Nothing is as unattractive as bitterness, and you are sounding dangerously close to bitter here, and your attitude will influence your sons approach to life and relationships.

  • I want to see my planted apple tree bear fruit for the first time (it's looking good this year so far!), and then I want to try splicing in a branch of my neighbours cherry tree, and then I want to keep building gradually to have a mutant tree with all kinds of fruit throughout the season. I'll be the creator of my own Tree of Life.

    Small goals, small joys, small triumphs - it's what'll make my life grand, I believe.

  • The real horror is that the person panics when they can't find their phone. They are just chilling at home, they know the phone is somewhere in the home, they don't need it right now and they don't have to leave anywhere.

    The phone will turn up. It's just a gadget, you won't miss it if it's gone for an hour or so.

    (I may be jaded from misplacing stuff so frequently)

  • I know this is old, but I liked pondering the question because I made me sappy as heck, so I'll share it with you:

    Music is like a cheat-code to life, especially my internal life. The music I listen to determines my emotions, my energy level, my focus and drive, and what activities I want to do. Without music playing I'm like an empty shell. With music I recognise my existence.

    I am not musical myself and I know nothing of production or quality, only what I enjoy and how it makes me feel. I was born to be an audience, and that's a huge part of who I am and how I operate daily.

  • For a layperson I have a very good knowledge of my country's laws, but there are more laws I don't know than I do know, so I can't really answer this question. The laws I know I understand, and thus they seem reasonable enough for me.

    How they are enforced though... With high burden of proof comes low rates of convictions, for better and worse. I'm privileged enough that the system mostly works in my favour so can't really speak on that either, as I lack nuanced experiences.

    Personally I'm more happy to not have been sentenced for any of my own potential infractions, than I am pissed to have my offenders/attackers never even questioned by police. I can get justice in other ways than through criminal law anyway.

  • Hmm. Probably no one.

    Small amounts are weird to need "no questions asked" and large amounts are too large to give away "no questions asked". Partly for me financially, but mostly because there is a not insignificant risk of overdose if you give our large sums of money to someone being cagey about why they need it.

    If they can't tell me what a significant amount of money is for, it's probably because it's something I don't want my money to go to, so I'm not inclined to agree under those premises.

    At the least I would need a very good reason for why I can't ask questions ("I'm preparing to vacation as a fugitive, and don't want you to have to testify"), but by then there is no longer no questions asked...

  • Everyone I would give my money to would give that reason unprompted so I wouldn't have to ask.

    Except kids, they might ask just to see if it works, and then I would ask to know what for.

    I don't think I've ever been asked to give away something without being offered a reason, actually...

  • Sleep mask covering my eyes. My chambers may be flooded with light to chase away the ghouls of darkness, yet not a hint of light will reach my vision to disturb my slumber.

    Also the tightness feels kinda comforting, and I've started to associate it with good sleep and fall asleep faster now because of it

    Ps. And no energy drink, coffee or caffeinated or sugary soda past 16.

  • We can't fix other peoples issues for them.

    We can choose to support them if they are actively trying to fix their own issues.

    We can also decide that even though they are trying the impact is too big on us and distance ourselves.

    But if they aren't actually trying to better themselves there is nothing we can do except protect ourselves.

    Your sister needs to look into co-dependence and trauma-bonding (if not in this case then for future reference), and focus on becoming emotionally independent rather than confusing nurturing with doormat. She can only fix her own issues, not her friends. And learn that not every friend is worth the title.