southsamurai @ southsamurai @sh.itjust.works

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2 yr. ago

Your question is pretty jumbled up, and it's difficult to tell exactly what happened. So I'm going to ignore that and stay general

Ableism isn't necessarily the same thing as disliking something. As an example, my crippled ass uses a cane. It isn't if the sound of the cane on pavement bothers you. You may have sensory issues, or a headache, or just not like tapping sounds.

Ablism would be seeing me using the cane and making assumptions based on it.

Being an asshole would be making fun of me for using a cane, whether or not it was also because of ableism where you make assumptions and act with prejudice towards me.

Erratic behavior can be, and usually is disturbing. It draws the eyes, it makes you notice the person. It is perfectly okay to not like that feeling, or to avoid it, even when that behavior is from a disability. It is not okay to treat the person poorly in any way when it's you that has a problem dealing with something someone can't help.

That's when it turns into ablism, when the way you treat the disabled person is different than how you would treat someone without that disability.

However, you are not obligated to stay around a person that is behaving erratically. Doesn't matter why they are, you have every right to walk the fuck away, and it isn't a bad thing to do so, as long as doing so doesn't put then in danger. It is a bad thing to walk away while grumbling about the gods damn noisy cripple, or the crazy Tourette's tics, or the stimming, or whatever might be making you nervous. You can't tell why a person is erratic just by looking. But you don't have to treat anyone poorly.

Also, when you're the one that dislikes something like that, it's on you to leave a public space so long as they aren't being dangerous to themselves or others. Insisting that the person with cerebral palsy fuck off back home is ablist, and being an asshole.

In general, we are all free to like or dislike anything. It's how we treat people that matters. You could be the biggest bigot in the world, but if you keep it to yourself and never treat anyone poorly, it doesn't matter.

Now, what is and isn't actually erratic is not something clearly defined. It just means that they're behaving in a way that deviates from the norm rendering their behavior unpredictable; and the norm can be pretty fucking dumb sometimes. As an example, someone laughing is not always appropriate, but it isn't erratic by default, but some people think laughter in public isn't acceptable, and that they can't trust people that would behave in such a way. So, that laughter may deviate from the norm, and seem erratic to some people, but seem perfectly normal and happy to others.

But you have to always remember that you don't automatically have the baseline if what is and isn't acceptable just because you don't like it. There's times you will, but it isn't automatic, particularly when you're in public or in shared spaces.

Because Sir Patrick Stewart is one of the most handsome dudes to ever walk the planet, even today.

The character being a fairly assertive and confident leader without bravado or machismo helps. He's smart, capable, kind when allowed to be.

Picard is a perfect example of everything star trek represents, in a way, and is definitely the epitome of what star fleet and the federation were supposed to be.

But, legit, I'm cis het, and if Patrick Stewart asked for a handy, I'd grab the lotion.

To keep from weighing in on something in error.

You kinda hey in the habit of at least a cursory mod log check if you spend any time on powertrippingbastards, or the modabuse communities.

A shit ton of people will make claims of being sweet, innocent little users while have a long and nasty history of fucking with people.

So, you learn to either check mod logs, or be willing to take heat for jumping in too quickly.

In this post, OP is essentially saying they were falsely accused of something. The only way to know what the deal is, is mod logs and user history. On the surface it could be just like OP claims, particularly when dealing with .ml since they're known to be trippin.

Turns out, OP is a douchbag and can fuck right off, and the only way to know that is by checking. Blaze is one of those people that, for good or ill, devotes a ton of time and energy into making lemmy a useful and fluid experience. They pretty much always go the extra mile. Some folks are just like that. I'm way too lazy to do it regularly, but I gotta respect the ones that put that effort in

Pfft, go fuck your wife. No, really, because this is the internet, and if you've got a wife, you already won the fight :)

But only if she freely consents, of course

He ain't wrong, though

My damn problem is invasives.

We used to have an all native yard. But as my disability has gotten worse, maintaining that state has gotten prohibitive. Then that fucking hurricane messed things up, and it's pretty much wrecked in the terms of native plantings now.

Don't get me wrong, it's actually really pretty, all wild and green. But trying to get rid of stuff like kudzu is not an easy task, and it isn't the only thing that's taken advantage.

I never understood that.

Why the fuck would you want to talk to the teacher? I mean, yeah, some folks do, but as a general rule of school, students don't want to spend any more time around teachers than absolutely necessary. I don't think that's a wise choice, but it's the default.

So, of course you want to ask a friend, or even a neutral fellow student instead. Number one, the teacher requires an extra trip to wherever the teacher is, your friend is right there. Even if you're in the class, the teacher is waaaaaay up there at the desk or board, or whatever.

However, if you ask it a lot and it isn't because you missed class, they may have a point. Because, damn dude, pay attention when the teacher is assigning the work.

Well, it's my opinion that religion/spirituality is nice, but unnecessary. It's a thing that can have benefits, sure. But it's also something that's got drawbacks. Since there can't be proof that any given one is correct, nor that it isn't tbh, it's essentially a matter of deciding if you want to hang your hat on one at all.

I get that you're seeking a sense of comfort, I didn't miss that part. But it may end up where you don't actually need it. See, you don't need a system to have individual beliefs about the afterlife.

We can freely believe that there is something more to us than flesh and bone. Call it a soul if you want, or call it anything else at all. But if you believe it exists, then believing that the soul leaving the body is going to free it of the worries and woes of life is just the natural follow-up belief. You can even phrase it in pseudoscientific terminology if that works for you, and it actually does for some people.

But, if you need religion for your own sake, I would definitely go looking into things like universal unitarian churches. They stay as dogma neutral as it gets, are almost always queer friendly (and by the basis of the official organization are supposed to be because they reject nobody).

Buddhism can be a fairly nice choice, but you do run into the difficulties of which branch is actually in your area, and they aren't all the same. Taoism can work because it's pretty damn generalized to begin with; but there's less "church" to it, where the community is a major part of things. Wicca and neopaganism are usually queer friendly, and a hell of a lot of fun,; though finding a group can be tricky since there's a hundred flavors available and they aren't all available everywhere since it's a small genre of religion compared to anything else.

My take though? You'd be best served by connecting with your local LGBTQ+ community first, and then exploring any religious/spirituality options as you go. Having that kind of directly personal community to be part of is way more in an impact in quality of life than a generic one like a church. But it does take more effort because there's no central "queer church" kind of thing where everyone is going to be there. It would be support groups, activist groups, queer specific hobby groups, and then you interact with that network to find queer friendly spaces in other areas of life if you don't find fulfillment in the LGBTQ community itself.

I don't think anyone out here can really know what you need. I sure can't promise that my suggestion is going to be right for you. All I can say is that for the LGBTQ people in my life, they generally find more peace through community first, religion as a secondary or tertiary goal. And that's usually most successful when they engage in queer spaces actively, being a part of supporting others.

But, shit, you ain't gotta decide any time soon. Just on lemmy, there's witchesvspatriarchy communities, Buddhism ones, and others. Run searches on whatever you want to look into, scroll through the communities that you find, see if the general vibe works for you and ask questions, engage with people. You get to "dabble" with low risk, and high rewards while you figure things out in meat space.

There's multiple "ask" communities. This one, there's !ask@lemm.ee, there's a no stupid questions community ( though I can't recall the instance offhand. It's probably .world, what with it being big). Most of them are going to be fairly reliable for getting general questions like this one answered, and some of them do well with specific questions as well, when you run across concepts to explore. But just searching "ask" will pull up some.

I think the core point is that there's a nigh infinite number of paths you can take to find what you need, you don't have worry much about just finding one. You can always just hop to a different one

I mean, why are you so gung ho to earn money for someone else?

Seriously. Shit on company time, party on personal. "Getting to the point" is only relevant if the job won't get done at all if it isn't done now. Relax, hang back, do the job at a sustainable pace. You'll have a longer and happier career that way

The rest of it? That ain't about age, that's about people. No matter where you work, there's always gossipers and hidebound co-worker of any age. You wanna talk about folks that won't try things? Run across a brand-spanking new out of school nurse. Those folks won't budge on anything sometimes. Mostly because they're terrified, and they think that if they stick to exactly what they learned in class, anything that does go wrong won't be their fault, but still.

If you want to avoid that part, it's easy. Just chill, be open to listening to others, whether they're fresh out of school or fifty year veterans coasting to retirement. There's almost always something you can learn from anyone, as long as you make the effort to look for it. Which is also how you avoid burnouts.

You gotta realize, most people spend a third of their lives at some job doing shit that they only do because they get paid to. The rest spend a third of their lives at some job doing shit they want to do, but also have to do because they need to get paid. Everyone has to find the balance between the raw fact that they're stuck there, even if that's their choice. Very few people can just say "fuck it" and go live off the land somewhere, you dig? So they find the path to making work work as much as possible. They find ways to make it bearable.

So, you gotta learn how to adapt to that, or you'll be that miserable bastard that's always in his office glaring and grumbling about everyone, tense as fuck and never invited to fun shit.

It's always going to be partially about getting along with people, no matter what the job is, where it is, how old you get. It can be a matter of degrees, like a park ranger may deal with people less frequently if they're waaaaay out in the boonies, but your typical office job where erasers and paper are a main component? You ain't escaping people, ever. They'll be there every day, just like you. So you either find a way to appreciate them to some degree as they are, or you'll just be miserable.

And, that process is exactly how you don't fall into those same traps they do. As you figure out how to get along with weirdos and idiots, you learn how to not be like them.

I dunno, I would say that I'm pretty desperate for some long pork.

Thank you again.

I really appreciate it

Much appreciated!

Welllll, it has been all consumer stuff. Currently a tplink that was what I could get here the quickest after the netgear I used to have died during the hurricane last year.

Apparently, I just ended up with bad gear. It has been pretty much all consumer stuff though, at least since about 2008. Before that, my best friend was handling the network, and I had no idea at all what was going on, he just kept it working, but he was working as a network tech during that time.

Hey, thank you very much. I'm looking to dump the damn tplink I got when the hurricane screwed up things here and the previous one got fried. Being able to update like that is a damn attractive thing.

I'm in either camp by default, but I'll gladly use either if around other people that do

I've yet to have a router make it past five years or so, so I call malarkey

Edit: this is why I love lemmy. What started as an offhand comment has ended up with me getting great advice from awesome people. It really made my evening a great one, no bullshit.

To be fair, pretty much any bird that isn't exclusively an herbivore will do that if the opportunity arises. Birds be vicious little predators fo sho.

Hell, there's a cardinal that hangs around our house, and I've seen him eating a dead bird before. Well, picking pieces of it off, then flying into the shrubbery, then coming back in a few seconds. I assume he was eating it, since they nest in a different section of the yard. So I wouldn't even be surprised if pretty much any bird would go after unprotected chicks if the chance arises.

And all of them will eat eggs, afaik, if they can crack them, our they find one cracked already.

It's a common joke to refer to their dinosaur ancestry, but even those cute like songbirds have a savage side, just like their more intimidating kin.

Ay. Ay. You lookin mighty tasty there. You wanna hop in this here vat o bbq sauce?

That's so damn cool to see! I thought I was fucking crazy!

Years and years ago, I made friends with some crows. So they'd hang around our yard a lot, kind of like their home base. I'd see that kind of thing, and wonder wtf was going on, but any time I'd tell somebody, it was like I was trying to prank them or something (I mean, not without reason, I am known for telling tall tales that turn into absurdity. I always fess up at the end, but it does mean I get the side eye a lot).

But nobody I ever told about it had ever seen it.

I've even seen jays do it a couple of times.