Buy high quality (not Walmart) plastic kitchen bin. Note bag size printed on giant, impossible to remove sticker.
Buy proper bag size from name brand. You can spend a bit of money up front, or spend your valuable time later cleaning up garbage juice. Your call.
Remove bag from roll.
Open bag and scare the crap out of the dog by inflating the bag with swift, loud, jarring noises.
Place bag in bin. DO NOT ATTACH YET.
Starting at one corner, seal the bag around the edge while simultaneously reaching into the clean bag and forcing air out from between the bin and bag.
Work your way around until entire inside of bin looks like a reverse condom.
I am old. I remember when pricewatch.com and tigerdirect.com existed. You wanted to build a PC, you were picking parts manually uphill both ways while wearing an onion on your belt.
That's awesome! A pal of mine hung out with him afterwards and got him a Spotted Cow (beer from New Glarus, WI) and he was more relaxed. I don't fault anyone who speaks publicly. They have the honor and privilege to be up there. Also, we all have bad days. Some of us have the ability to take care of our stuff in private.
I saw Dr. Tyson speak at UW Madison some years ago. He was engaging but didn't want anything to do with questions. Every question he took he'd pause and say something like "I've covered that before. Read my book." or in one case "That's a dumb question. Next?" to a very valid question about stardust.
I'd listen to him speak again but man, don't see him on a bad day.
No-fail kitchen garbage bag replacement.