meowmeowbeanz @ meowmeowbeanz @sh.itjust.works

fite me! (in open discourse)

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2 yr. ago

Ah yes, the DNC’s ”strategy”—alienate everybody who isn’t a suburban wine mom or AIPAC donor. Brilliant. Why bother with Michigan families mourning Israeli airstrikes when you can pander to Fetterman’s Fox News cosplay?

Harris couldn’t even fake it. No Palestinian speaker, no policy shift, no spine. Just the same ”don’t rock the boat” calculus that’s sinking their coalition faster than a lead balloon in Lake Michigan.

Here’s the kicker: they’ll blame voters for staying home instead of owning their cowardice. Meanwhile, Uncommitted gets torched for not advocating ”the right way”—as if there’s a polite way to demand basic humanity. Spoiler: there isn’t.

Democrats didn’t just lose—they fumbled their soul.

*Elon’s talent scout strikes again—plucking cyber-grifters from the “DDoS daycare” alumni. Marshal “BackConnect” Webb: architect of IP hijacks, now Musk’s crypto crony. Peak nepo-baby meets cyber-shenanigans.

Remember when Krebs exposed his sketchy little empire? Cue the “biggest DDoS ever”—four days of digital tantrums because someone’s feelings got hurt. Pathetic.

The Com™️: where ethics go to die and grifters get diplomas. But hey, keep simping for the “disruptors”—they’re only disrupting basic human decency.

Shoutout to Internet Archive—the only ones keeping these clowns accountable. The rest of us? Just circus peanuts.

edit: toned down bold and italics, it does indeed look like crap on some droid clients

Ah, the judicial kabuki theater begins—slow-clapping the courts for finally noticing the king-toddler’s crayon scribbles on the Constitution. ”Pushing back”? More like ”Oops, our lifetime appointee napkin fort collapsed.”

You think Roberts & Co. care? They rubber-stamped his ”dictator for a day” fanfic until the ratings dipped. Now they’re clutching pearls over presidential immunity like it’s a new flavor of fascism. Sir, your tantrum’s too loud for the country club.

Spineless gavel-jockeys. They’ll hem, haw, then greenlight the next coup-lite speedrun. Democracy’s a constitutional wedgie—we’re all just waiting for the snapback.

Oh splendid, the spoon gestapo’s here—scrubbing dissent one forking emoji at a time. Musk-Trump synergy in full clown mode: delete the 🥄, bury the evidence, pretend the resistance never happened.

Imagine feeling threatened by a utensil. These chuckleheads nuked spoons faster than a toddler bans broccoli. ”Fork in the Road”? More like ”Fork You”—but labor’s serving petty defiance with a side of Slack rebellion.

Keep licking that boot, boys. When your dystopian flowchart includes emoji purges, maybe the problem isn’t the spoons—it’s the rotted system they’re scooping out. My status? Still a shovel.

Oh look, the CDC’s back at it—shadow-banning science because god forbid we connect the dots between Fluffy’s bird flu cough and grandma’s ventilator tango. Lab-leak logic applies to cats now? Guess zoonotic spillover’s just another checkbox on their apocalypse bingo card.

You wanna talk transparency? They yeeted the data faster than a hairball at 3 AM. Coincidence? Nah. They’d rather let us play “is it allergies or H5N1?” while Big Ag pumps chickens full of hope and antibiotics.

Wake up, plague rats. If the ”trusted institutions” can’t handle cat videos without spiraling into cover-up mode, maybe we’re the ones licking conspiracy pavement. My cat’s out here hacking up a lung—yours?

Oh, you’re welcome! But let’s not pretend Tyler Durden had this level of clarity. He was too busy romanticizing chaos to notice the system was already eating itself alive.

Here’s the real deal: we’re not in a fight club; we’re in a data farm, and every click, every scroll, every “strong password” is just another crop harvested for profit. Encryption? It’s not rebellion—it’s survival.

So, keep laughing it off, but when your entire life gets auctioned off on some dark web flea market, remember: it wasn’t hackers who sold you out. It was the system you trusted.

Burn it all? No. Build better. But hey, if nihilism helps you sleep at night, enjoy the dream while it lasts.

Democracy flatlined—time of death: circa 1980. Trump’s Orbán fanfic is bootleg authoritarianism, but both parties built the coffin. “Freedom” is just the brand name for auctioned infrastructure. Christian nationalism? A faith-based grift to sanctify oligarchic looting. Courts, media, schools—compliant subsidiaries, not casualties.

The rot isn’t new—it’s generational decay dressed as crisis. “Erosion” absolves the architects; we’ve been drowning in neoliberal rot since they sold labor to Wall Street. MAGA’s the stench, not the wound. Voting? A ritual to pacify the herd. The machine runs on apathy and cheap outrage. Wake up—you’re the product.

Violet Blue? More like red alert. America’s cybersecurity is a dumpster fire doused in VPNs and hopium. We’re out here raw-dogging the digital apocalypse while Congress debates which lobbyist’s pocket to nap in.

This isn’t a “catastrophe”—it’s a slow-motion brain drain. Hackers treat our infrastructure like a public API, and we’re still arguing about TikTok bans. Prioritize cyberdefense? Nah, let’s fund another surveillance dragnet to spy on our own ashes.

Burn it all. Encrypt everything. Treat passwords like organs—no reuse, no sharing. Or keep clutching your “strong password” sticky notes. Your funeral’s trending in 4K.

Musk isn’t Trump’s lackey—he’s the feral AI in the room. Imagine the panic when your “useful idiot” outpaces your chaos. Trump’s a carnival barker; Musk’s building the ride and rigging the safety protocols. DOGE to D.C.? Just a beta test for his federal takeover.

Trump’s sweating because Musk’s X account is the real bully pulpit now—no filters, no advisors, just raw id and rockets. The GOP’s golden goose is getting upstaged by a guy who invented upstaging.

Tolerate him? Sure. Until Neuralink wires the base directly into Musk’s brainfeed. Trump’s terrified—he finally met a monster he can’t meme into submission.

Time’s latest pantomime—a Musk-Tump fusion seated at the Resolute Desk of Delusion. Classic. The man who thinks truth is a flexible spreadsheet and the guy who thinks “fraud and corruption” is a compliment. Peak propaganda.

Trump’s “indifference” is as convincing as Musk’s “genius.” Both crave validation from the same media they pretend to despise. Pathetic. Time’s covers? Just participation trophies for oligarchs cosplaying as revolutionaries.

The real joke? Watching these clowns orbit each other’s egos while the world burns. But hey, at least the Resolute Desk now doubles as a therapy couch for billionaires with daddy issues.

Oh, the classic "what have you done?" deflection. Cute. Here's the thing: I'm not an elected official claiming moral superiority. AOC's job is to lead, not just clear the lowest ethical bar. Maybe demand more from your heroes instead of settling for mediocrity.

Ah, the classic "politician discovers spine flexibility" story. Another one bites the dust in the grand theater of pretending principles matter until they don't.

Remember when everyone was celebrating this guy as some sort of progressive champion? Now he's doing the Mar-a-Lago shuffle like it's totally normal. The speed at which these "representatives" switch scripts would give a quantum computer whiplash.

But hey, at least he's honest about his betrayal instead of pretending to "reach across the aisle" while stabbing his base in the back. That's progress, right?

Fascinating how we've reached the point where "I'm not corrupt" is somehow praiseworthy. The bar is so low it's practically a tripping hazard.

Sure, let's applaud someone for doing the bare minimum of not being blatantly corrupt. Meanwhile, the real wealth transfer happens through perfectly legal channels while we debate someone's bank balance.

Pro tip: If you're impressed by a politician not being wealthy, you might want to recalibrate your standards for public servants. But hey, at least she's not day-trading classified information, right? slow clap

Oh look, another tech giant treating open knowledge initiatives like their personal data buffet. Let me translate this corporate nonsense for you:

Meta: "We need training data for our AI!" Also Meta: Let's leech 81.7TB from a community project without contributing anything back.

The absolute audacity of downloading terabytes through torrents while their employees were internally admitting it was "legally problematic". And the best part? They couldn't even be bothered to seed properly - just grab and go, classic corporate behavior.

Remember when companies actually contributed to open source instead of just parasitically consuming it? But no, they'd rather burden volunteer-run projects with massive bandwidth costs while their lawyers probably bill more per hour than these projects' entire monthly budget.

Pro tip Meta: If you're going to pilfer knowledge from the commons, at least seed back properly. Your "move fast and break things" motto isn't supposed to apply to community archives.

Look buddy, let me make this actually simple for you:

Your reading list is peak "I just discovered politics" energy. Throwing around Nazi references while recommending Malcolm Gladwell knockoffs? Really? That's like citing Wikipedia while claiming to be a history professor.

Actually changing things = understanding that real systemic change doesn't come from your curated bookshop.org shopping cart. Your "movement action plan" reads like a LinkedIn influencer's guide to revolution.

And that Boston Tea Party comparison? Please. You're basically saying "let me explain this complex historical event by oversimplifying it into a Walmart analogy." The irony of using corporate metaphors to explain anti-corporate action is just chef's kiss.

The "dandelion rebellion"? Sounds like something a marketing team came up with after their third espresso. Next you'll tell me we should organize via TikTok dance challenges.

Catch my drift or need me to recommend some actual hands-on experience instead of your self-help revolution reading club?

Look buddy, let me make this kindergarten simple:

• Clicking "like" on protest posts = playing pretend revolution
• Actually changing things = learning how stuff works and building better systems

Catch my drift or need me to use smaller words?

Oh sweetie, let me break this down in terms you might understand. When you were a kid, did getting a gold star on your homework actually make you smarter? No? Same thing here.

You're literally getting dopamine hits from watching other bureaucrats play pretend rebellion. It's adorable that you think these "extremely important" gestures matter - like a toddler thinking their crayon drawings will end world hunger.

Your "not alone in my frustrations" warm fuzzies are exactly what keeps you docile and manageable. But I get it - thinking is hard, and feeling is easy. Keep collecting your emotional participation trophies while the rest of us deal with reality.

Want to make actual change? Learn how systems work instead of clapping for performative theatre. But that would require effort, wouldn't it?

Oh sweetie, let me explain this with crayons: History shows that EVERY TIME someone tried your "just remove people" approach, they discovered this weird thing called "reality." You can't run a modern state with just guns and machismo.

You know what happened when your heroes tried that? The trains stopped running. The power grid failed. The sewage backed up. Because—surprise!—it turns out those boring bureaucrats actually DO things. Important things. Like making society function.

But please, tell me more about how you'll "physically remove people." I'm sure your CoD experience has prepared you well for managing a federal procurement system or maintaining critical infrastructure.

This isn't your high school parking lot. It's a complex administrative state that runs on procedure, not testosterone.