klemptor @ klemptor @startrek.website

ugly bag of mostly water

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2 yr. ago

OP's parents are in their sixties; they probably were born in the mid '50s to mid '60s and started dating in the '70s/'80s. Courtship probably didn't factor in unless they're Mormons or something.

Edit: I re-read and realized OP said his parents are almost 60, meaning almost definitely started their dating lives in the '80s.

If you walk up to random people in a cafe, park, or embankment (really?) and ask for their numbers

So I think this is the disconnect. This isn't window shopping; you're trying to connect with another human being. You need to take the time to talk with her, see if she shows interest by engaging and encouraging the conversation, and if there's any commonality or chemistry between you.

Then, if you think there could be something there, offer to give your number rather than ask for hers. It will help her feel safer with you, and she can choose whether or not to accept and if she takes it, she can choose whether or not to follow up. It puts the onus on her to move things forward.

The social expectation was that the man approaches, but now enough women have said that isn't acceptable in so many situations that it's no longer safe to do so in practically any situation.

AKA, "A, B, and C aren't appropriate, so D through Z aren't safe either!"

Dude rather than accept some much-needed constraints, you're having a hissy and throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

Context matters a lot, which means you need to put yourself out there in the right context to meet someone. Examples: trivia night at the local bar, or a book club, or a local live music show. Most women aren't gonna be interested if you approach them while they're just living their lives grocery shopping or at the gym or something - that's not a social context. (Unless you're regulars at the gym and run into each other and chitchat all the time, but I'm assuming you're not in that kind of situation.)

Once you're in the right context, and you see a woman you're interested in, start by very casually talking to her, and keep an eye out for signs of interest (e.g., turning in their seat toward you which indicates they're giving the conversation real attention, or moving the conversation forward by making jokes or asking follow-up questions) or disinterest (e.g., one word answers with no follow-up engagement, turning their body away from you, mentioning a boyfriend). If you see signs of disinterest, just stop and let her be. But if you see signs of interest, continue the conversation. Don't be too needy, don't come on too strong, let the conversation breathe. And for godsake don't buy her drinks, it's cheesy and puts too much pressure on a new situation. Especially don't buy her a drink without even asking her first, it's pushy and I can't speak for all women, but I fucking hate that. Ask her about herself, for example her interests. Try to get a gauge on whether you're attracted to her on more than a physical level. If you have nothing in common, or you think she's boring or annoying, there's no sense in moving forward. But if there seems to be commonality and interest, keep the conversation going! If one of you is leaving, tell her you're glad you ran into her that night and ask if you can give her your number (or email address or social media, whatever young people do, I'm middle-aged so I don't know). But the important thing is that you're offering her something rather than asking her for something. This means she can say no, or if she says yes, she still has the choice on whether or not to follow up with you. It puts the control in her hands which can make her feel more safe.

Good luck, I hear it's rough out there for folks your age.

Animé from ages 15-18. It was the mid-to-late '90s and only the weird kids were into animé. My social life improved immensely when I grew out of that phase.

To be clear, I'm not the person you were initially responding to, I was just offering a reason why someone might not want to do a search on chris chan.

And yeah I still use google, I'm middle-aged and lame, it'll happen to you too ¯(ツ)_/¯

I'm not googling it because based on this thread, this chris chan person sounds like a disaster, and I don't want google thinking this is one of my interests.

Unrelated: I used to go to tech meetups in my city fairly often. There was one guy who always seemed to be there just for the food. I only knew him by his username ('Lex R' - a programming pun) and never talked to him. Tall skinny dude; if I had to guess, I'd say he was around 50ish.

Every meetup without fail, this guy ate so much pizza. One time I counted 11 slices. He also drank at least a 2L of soda - didn't matter if it was diet or regular, he drank it. About 10 minutes before the meetup ended, he'd put a bunch of leftover slices in a pizza box to take with him. And he had a bottle of some kind in his bag that he'd pour the dregs of all the soda bottles into, and would take that with him too. It was weird because it was a tech meetup, presumably most people were making at least 6 figures.

Until today I had never considered that this might be his only source of food.

And the crucial "Break out of frames!" link which I always appreciated

Yup, women have something similar: "perfume should be discovered, not announced"

You're doing the lordt's work.

Perfection

Delco gonna Delco, we all know this ¯(ツ)_/¯

Hims adorbs 🖤

Yup, I believe it's Fallingwater

Aw I love lilacs too :) I planted lilac bushes along the side of my last house. We moved away this past fall and I really miss those bushes because they'd be blooming right about now. I hope the new owners are enjoying them!

My favorite smells are warm sleeping dog (kind of a cozy smell, hard to describe but if you know you know) and garage that is used to store cars (kind of a mechanical smell, not sure if it's from gasoline or motor oil or what but I love it). And also I love the smell of strong tea :)

Regularly? Yes. A one-off? Not the biggest sin.

• Watching the blue jays at my bird feeder & birdbath
• My first sip of tea in the morning
• '60s music
• Dogs and cats
• Also horses - I moved to an area with a lot of horse farms and, from my second floor windows, sometimes I can see a horse or two hanging out in a paddock a couple of hills away
• Fun new makeup (one of my most recent new palettes is this:)

Man for me it was that $1.25 pool stand hot dog