just_kitten @ just_kitten @aussie.zone

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2 yr. ago

Regular Doritos was at half price in Coles which definitely motivated my purchase. I'm maybe two hours away from finishing (working in spurts) and might cook some rice with one of these heat-and-eat vegetarian side dish thingos for a proper dinner to unwind with. I haven't cooked in ages, it's been hard on the wallet but a necessary timesaver - looking forward to feeding myself again soon

I'm gonna have to try this at some point, the weather calls for it. Report back with results?!

Right now I'm just scarfing down doritos as I can't stomach anything warm and liquid-y.

Absolutely, it's great to be just shedding layers of stress with this thing. I normally don't work Fridays but booked in a site visit for work late tomorrow morning (could do with the money and replenish leave), so I have extra motivation to finish this tonight. Haven't made any plans for the weekend beyond going to help my aunt with her never ending preparations to sell her place - I did guilt trip her into making a bit of extra food if she could, she's a very good cook - and no plans otherwise but I have a lot of catch ups owing over the next few weeks. I've been on social lockdown with most friends and ready to reconnect!

I can TASTE THE BEERS (or, in my case, the barrel-aged umeshu). Though this nausea is really doing a number on me hahahaha...

Aw thanks. I appreciate it - it could've been a lot worse, but this legitimately was a "oh shit, my intro slides were still in draft phase" realisation 30 minute before the preso kind of thing, and I had exceeded my time limit not even halfway through the presentation. It's easily the worst presentation I've given in my entire adult life, but I can kind of laugh at it now...

I got some softball questions that, due to total nerves, failed to completely understand at the time let alone answer coherently. But you're right, everyone was nice enough about it, and although I'll certainly get marks docked for rushing and going over time, I think the content was interesting enough for people to go "yeah that'll do". Nobody's going to judge my worth on this thing. The thesis, otoh, might expose me as being academically anaemic - but I so don't care because I have absolutely no interest in academia or doing any work in that sub-field!

Presentation was a total clusterfuck - took waaaaay longer than I expected and absolutely bombed some of the questions asked - but at least it's over and I will absolutely not dwell on what went wrong (although I have a bit of a pit in my stomach)

All I need to do now is finish up the penultimate version of this thesis for my supervisor to make final comments and then I'm submitting the damn thing tomorrow. Fuck, I'm just so done with this

e: delayed anxiety is making me feel increasingly nauseous, think I'm going to go outside for a bit of fresh air and maybe drop by the chemist

Same, didn't get much of a chance to just wear long sleeved clothes without additional layers or mid-weight jumpers etc. Just went straight from t-shirts to puffer jackets it seems like.

I felt we were really cheated by autumn this year which is why winter feels much more miserable than before. It's not even July and I'm already over this shit

Put the blinds completely down last night to get a truly good night's sleep and it worked a bit too well, I'm struggling to get out of bed. But there is more reading and writing to do, and crucially, a presentation at 2 (that I have yet to rehearse)

At least I'm not feeling anxious like I was last night. I'm giving myself until 9:30 and then it's action stations! 🦾

I decided to take a deep breath, steel myself and have a look through my supervisor's revision - half the intro was basically rewritten but it does at least flow better and the points made aren't substantially different. The discussion needs a big boost though. It's doable. But I'm leaving it to tomorrow. For now, I am going to have a nice hot dinner of paratha and some super spicy prawn curry, have a hot shower, and then burrow in bed to do some nyt word puzzles with brown noise until I fall asleep.

Tomorrow's game plan is 1. Finalise my slides with the improved logic flow from thesis; 2. Rehearse slides to make sure I'm not way over time; 3. Do some writing and reading if I have time; 4. Presentation of doom; 5. Continue writing

There's some real gremlins in my brain playing the old classics on repeat from bad academic experiences of the past but I ain't giving them a voice today. There's work to be done once this is all over, for sure.

Deadline is technically Monday but supervisor also thinks I can get this across the line before COB Friday so we're gonna fucking do it and I can truly relax on the weekend

Argh, supervisor has already done a very quick review of thesis. I'm way too brain dead to look at it today and take on the emotional damage - I'm going to go to bed early tonight and have another crack tomorrow morning before prepping for the preso in the afternoon. Apparently I still do need to add more references and beef up the discussion but I also kind of don't wannaaaaaa. I'm so done with reading dense academic articles about stuff I don't really care that much about...

Between the weather and not nearly enough sleep I'm completely phoning it in today. Fuck me I don't know why they insist on cracking the window open slightly while having the reverse cycle on in the office, I get that it's stuffy but this is really defeating the purpose

Oh I'll tell you now... it's about 97% sweet and 3% bitter - I cannot be more relieved that I won't be doing any further academic study after this. I think I need years of therapy to recover from this last assault and re-opening of old wounds plus heaps of new grief bahahaha.

I've FINALLY managed to send through a draft that ain't gonna get published anywhere but at least is in complete sentences! Time to sleep before going to work. Hope you manage to get a good night's sleep too!

We are in the same headspace of simultaneous relief and shame! (Well, except that I'm thankfully doing this for hopefully the last time in my life)

If you find yourself procrastinating next time, my advice is try not to beat yourself up about it (easier said than done but it does lighten up with age) - the grief we give ourselves about procrastinating, and the punitive measures, shame, etc... often just make it a lot worse than it already is.

Don't lose sight of the fact that you have ethics, and a commitment to quality (easy to forget the sheer number of people out there who are genuinely fine with stuff they KNOW is bad because they have no respect for what they are doing).

I'm making less and less sense with my sentences in this damn thing the longer I keep on at it tonight, but it must go tonight... I'm going to add a note to my supervisor along the lines of "I'm sorry if this is completely incoherent gibberish, I'm not sure how conscious I am right now"

Oh boy, you know it's cold out there when even the security guard doing his rounds is wearing a beanie tonight.

Thanks everyone for the lovely wishes, I've been blown away (...) by all the messages streaming in today, I don't feel too bad about likely working into the night tonight to finish this off (brain is definitely slowing down). My body can feel the real beginnings of joy and relief in letting this thing finally go, though!

I just had a totally unrelated shower thought that I feel compelled to dump here: you know how during the era of black-and-white TV there were reports of people dreaming in black and white, which then faded away as colour TV became common?

Do you think people will start dreaming increasingly in AI-generated oversmoothed imagery and video as it starts to drown out real art and photos? Though, they will probably become almost indistinguishable in a shorter timeframe than it took for colour TV to take over b&w TV... maybe people will be having more eerie dreams of their loved ones being replaced by imposters.

I normally hate packaged soups but agree - Dari's blow the rest out of the water, it tastes like real food. One of the very rare exceptions I make for eating meat is if I am really sick I will have the Dari chicken soup. It really works. Like you say, fed is best, even if it stings when there's food in the pantry. It'll still be there for when you get better!

I have two medicare sessions left and I've been postponing and postponing them because even with a decent job, I'll be fucked paying for the rest completely out of pocket haha. Really wish there were more pathways to access at least 15 sessions a year at the MHCP rebate for diagnosed chronic complex MH issues... not just those with eating disorders who somehow get 40 (!!!) rebated psychological treatment services every 12 months as long as they're billed under eating disorder-related services... (not to take anything away from people with EDs but damn there are some other conditions too that could really benefit from even short-term access to increased sessions esp with acute flareups).

Oh my god, so much surface area for burying one's face in and nuzzling.

My lovely colleagues dropped by campus with an age-relevant cake and moral-boosting morning tea. It's definitely helped because i had hoped to be celebrating today but what's a few days here and there when you're an adult. Plus, the headache is gone and I'm pumping out insightful observations with ease, albeit without references at this point. Highway to the Paper Zone!

That said, every time I'm writing things like "Regardless, the results suggest that ..." I feel tempted to add "(but does it though?)" on at the end. Reminder to self: this is a 25 point research project, not a real thesis, it ain't gotta be so rigorous

a small amount of cake (small)

And more anti-headache concentration juice

Oh wow, sexy drum kit! How are you gonna move into an inner city joint with all this gear though... maybe you do need the suburban house? 🤔